Thursday, November 08, 2007

Do we owe you money?

We owe everyone money, and most likely owe you money, but due to the recent influx of excessive paperworked spawned from poker.com's horrible attempt at recording hand histories - (we now log each hand on our own, using a pen and carbon paper, then mail them off to each other) We may have lost the details of the money we owe you.
If this applies to you, please send a postage paid envelope with your name, address, and the amount we owe you to

Fcukmoney
C/O JayNYC
New York, New York

Also include $49.95 to cover all handling charges and the "stupid tax".

Monday, November 05, 2007

Truckin fools from the button yo~

CTS plays well. In fact, he plays so freaking well that it's possible he's on a level that I will never achieve. Not only does this make me depressed, it makes me want to forever quit poker. That's how ridiculously good the kid is.

Meanwhile...while CTS trucks fools from the button, I bulldoze fishbowls from UTG baby - cause thats how we roll! Holla @ me and my new line of 3betting a lead and a raise w/ J high flush draws on dripping wet flops.

Matter of fact, I've been making some nasty nasty calls with K high's and bottom pairs and all sorts of marginals. I called some dude on a 3bet turn with 2nd pair after the flop was c/r'd. Sadistic? 3up has been having instant orgasms from looking at the hand histories.

If you understood everything I wrote you are 1. a huge poker geek & 2. realize how incredibly sexy/retarded I am!

Monday, October 29, 2007

LOL! People still come here...and also claim we owe them money!

"Anonymous said...
this blog is worthless just like your whole little "blogspot" network...get your own site...a domain is only $5...when are you going to pay me back the $1500 I lent you? You havent answered my emails in weeks...you just take the money and run? ....loser"

Dear anonymous,

You are right. This blog is totally worthless. So why don't you remove it from the top spot in your favorites folder, you heartless bastard!

In any case, we were planning on getting a domain, and t shirts, and balling out like 3ups best friend good2cu but we're lazy. Also, immediately go drink a bottle of Drano. Thanks!

Here's a brief poker run down from what I remember:

August: Played for 24hours straight, went on mega tilt, ended up losing like 30k.
September: I won. Who cares?
October: Went on some early morning jay tilt session. Lost 10k.

Instructions on how to beat me at heads up:

1. Suck
2. Be a super nit who limp calls/folds every button.
3. Call everything
4. Run well
5. Have me never make a pair
6. Tilt me

*Not necessarily in that order.


I've been going out A LOT. I've been meeting a lot of attractive young ladies. I've almost run out of, ahem, protection. I'll have to get this ultimate sampler pack:






That is all for now. I hate poker.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Fantasy Key Pick of 07

I've been writing these briefly in between meetings, so if some ideas seem incomplete, blame yourselfs for your lack of donations therefore i must find outside sources of income.

But, Key for your fantasy team for 07.

Atonio Gates (TE from SD)
Yes Antonio Gates scored 50 more Fantasy points (for standard yahoo style league) than the next closest TE, Tony G. from KC.

Therefor your strategy should look something like this

1rst round draft a badass QB or RB, second Round Grab Gates.

The reason i say this, is because the difference in points between Gates and his nearest TE competition is so vast, that having him on your team will be those consistant extra points that if you keep your matches close, which is often the case in fantasy leagues, those points will always pay off..

Now isn't this going to screw up your chance to draft an awesome reciever like Moss, or Owens or Harrison?

Why yes it is, but WR are a dime a dozen in fantasy, and with many upcomming recievers and sneaker picks in the reciever lines I would not even worry about drafting a reciever till the 5th round.

Most likely great recievers like Hacket, Branch, Stalworth, and a couple rookies if you're the type to like to gamble will be available in those later rounds

And your very last pick should be a kicker, Kicker points are fairly even at the end of the year, its usually just a matter of what defense your kicker is up against that determines if he's going to a couple FGs that game or not, But most kickers can make the 35 yard FG attempt, so kicker quality is nothing to be worried about... However if you want to make a slightly more educated pick, grap a team that can move the ball forward but havge trouble getting into the end zone, (BALTIMORE and Stover) or Teams with great defense but lousy offense, they can get field position.

Which brings me to my Defensive Sneaker Pick (GB - Look at how well they did the end of last season, the struggles on offensive side for the last few years has made this defense mature quickly, defenitly worth a gamble) I still chose baltimore personally they're getting old (mcallister and lewis) but they've got the skillz and the experience,

And for fun, Watch 49ers this year, they may just suprize the hell out of everyone.

Poker content will come soon, when i remember how to play.
VoxGibson

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Poker Sucks, the PS3 Rocks, and Football is comming

So poker has been cruel to me, it seems as though bad play will no longer be rewarded, which is -ev for me. So i'm passing the time playing with the Play Station 3, a truley incredible machine that does everything except make coffee in the mornings (pending latest update).

So lets look a bit at the Football season.

New England Looks good, they look damn good, we've got the ever accurate tom brady, now with the humbled Randy Moss, if moss can keep from getting hurt, this combo will virtually be unstoppable, Surely defenses will start to double team moss, which will only open up the the TE and the slot and WR2 Dante Stallworth, another excellent and underated Receiver. A healthy team combined with one of the best coaching staffs in the league, makes this my Pick for the AFC.

Why not the chargers many ask? Coaching staff. This was a team built for Marty S. and no one coaches like Marty, (in the play offs no one wants to coach like marty) look for this team to come on strong late in the year after making the appropriate adjustments, but will most likely be a little late for any real shot at the Bowl.

Lets check some fantasy sneaker picks here.

Seahawks - DJ Hackett Reciever. DJ hackett is showing amazing promise, and is a favorite target of QB hasselbeck, I definatly see him getting a very fair share of passes thrown in his direction, especially with the trade of WR Jackson to the 49rs and the seahawks adjusting to a new recieiving core. Dj Hackett will be a solid 2nd WR that you won't even have to draft until the 8th round or so.

Thats all the Time i have for today,
Vox

Thursday, July 19, 2007

I'm Greedy

Gawwwwwwwwwd.

Yesterday's entry:

Just played all night to book a $1500 win. Sigh. Should have been like $2500 instead. Played B to B- all night. I am officially off my heater. I was on fire from July 3rd or whichever was the first day I played after my birthday until around the 17th. I ran very hot...I haven't run that hot in a long long time. In fact, I haven't had a loser since july 1st.

Today things went a different direction...flopping lots of draws and bricking all of them. Very swingy day...+1500, even, +1500, down $500, +1500 and I finally quit. I probably should have quit earlier but I'm so greedy I couldn't let myself walk away with a lousy $1500 day.

Games are great. The players are so bad it's laughable.

Kid insta calls off w/ khigh flush draw + 1 over for 150bb+ push on flop...I obv have flush draw and gutter and 4bet AI. Riv flushes out...clearly rigged.

I did steam for a little bit but I'm working on keeping it to a minimum.

Today:

Of course not booking a loser again for the entire month wasn't happening. -$1200 or so. But at least I feel some emotion right? I Fcking hate booking losers. Can't stand it...and today shouldn't have been one.

Started off dropping 7-800 then getting it back, then dropping 1500, then getting it back. Then finally after many many hours (and I have played a ridiculous amount of hours in the last few days) I was up like $500? hahaha. I am so greedy. Of course I can't stop at such a pathetic mark so I play more...except by this time I am so burned out I don't care enough to pay attention. Not to mention I am paying for running like a god for the first half of the month by running like god hates me now.

Flopping monster draws and bricking, people not pairing anything when I have it and of course picking bad spots to bluff.

Also running bad, for some reason or another, turns me into a hyper aggressive maniac (even more so than usual) so I end up giving money away. Makes me want to puke. I've been playing HU vs a bunch of weak tight players...they're so bad it's almost criminal to play them...but of course I can't dumb my game down enough so I end up bluffing of and then steaming because they won't put a penny into the pot without the nuts.

Playing vs weak tights is extreeeeeemely boring. It's profitable and nearly variance free but it's just so irritating. If you've read this blog, you know the only time I actually enjoy poker is when I play HU vs tough, creative, opponents that force me to think and adjust. Threeup and I agree that it's where I excel. Getting creative vs weak tight retards (which I obviously tend to do because of shear boredom) is just asking for disaster.

I dislike dumbing down my game but it's something I'd work on if there was reason. The truth is games will only be getting tougher in the future so it's probably something I won't soon need anyway.

It's kind of sick that I feel much more comfortable in tough games than easy ones...

Friday, July 06, 2007

This is the way we ball

http://www.pokerhand.org/?1232940

One day reading Jay's hand histories for hours on end corrupted me and caused me to do retarded shit on the river just because it was aggressive. More recently though I finally figured out how to do it properly as well as a couple other things clicked and now I actually win money rather then wanting to kill myself because rakeback consisted of too large of a % of my income. I'm almost positive he had 9T in this hand though obviously had I known 100% he had 9T I wouldn't have pushed but I did figure it to be a large part of his range and thought I could get him off it a decent percentage of the time. Such a savage read.

Tonight I'm throwing a birthday party for a friend who's out of state. He won't be in attendance but I won't let a little detail like that stop me from throwing a party. The current ratio of chics who want my nuts compared to dude ratio is currently 2:1 so I might just not invite anymore dudes but we'll see.

:MetagameownsallthepushwasplusEVridemynutsmore

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

My update is not objectionable

except to maybe Jay who's been whining like a little bitch about the fact I didn't call on his birthday. He's really taking his man crush on me to new and frightening, albiet slightly erotic, levels.

Why don't we update normally? I'm a slacker. I didn't even play poker last month I think after rakeback I made like 100 dollars. Ballin'

I could go back and recall all the good stories of the last month I accumulated since I left the house but I don't like our readers that much so I'm going to attempt to keep it as dull and poker related as possible though if I'm updating regularly I will try to remember to upload the next sex tape I make.

As for this month it's grindtime since I took last month off and my leatherass has been logging a lot of hours for even a real pro as opposed to a half-ass rakeback pro like myself. The results have been fantastic. I'm playing well and running better and well above pace to put up a five figure week which would put me well ahead of my monthly goal. If you're not playing on Bugsy's Club in the ring games you probably should be as they're probably the softest on the net. I'll get to something more interesting again eventually.

:sorryididntcallbutididntgiveyoursistersherpes

Sunday, July 01, 2007

And we're back!

Let the whining begin! I'll start:

Sorry for the lack of updates... poker players are just lazy by nature. And I've been busy...busy not caring.

This blog is for ME. ME ME ME. Not you. You're mad about the lack of updates? Hate me? Great. Write me an e-mail: Fcukmoney at gmail.com

Now on to business.

Poker

If may was an awesome month, June was the complete opposite. I ran extremely bad on all sites and ended up actually busting my FTP (If any of you have money on ftp u want to trade, write me an e-mail ill buy it up) account while on the highest level of Jay tilt. 5 digits gone. Holla. I estimate that if I stop tilting, I'll be able to buy 6 figures worth of property/stocks/lapdances at the end of the year.

Anyway, somewhere mid-month I got borderline even...I'm not even sure how because I was basically losing every all in until about the 20th. Ahead, behind, it didn't matter. It was kind of sick actually, at some point it got so ridiculous that I was all in on 4 tables at the same time as a 3-1 or better favorite and lost them all. It was great. Then I just stopped caring...and playing. I did cash out enough to pay for 10 days of ballinnnn while not living at home, and a new bimmer. Of course this meant I was down on the month again.

Was MIA till the 29. 29th logged a good session, played well (B+), ran well. Booked a solid win. Played the following day, ran very badly, played B- to B poker. Minor steaming aside booked another solid win. Honestly, I have no idea how I pulled out a win, yet alone a good one, considering my HU opponents ran very well. AGAIN. Good thing I can read people's souls.

Games were juicy, 5figures over 2 days and I was up on the month going into July. This pleased me.

Today: Played 2200 hands. A nice 4k loss. Several coolers, some small beats, some steaming. Played C+ to B- all day. I haven't been able to play anything better than B+ recently because there's renovation going on at my place and everything is upside down...it's like a war zone. My computer is set up in a very uncomfortable way and there's nothing I can do about it until I get a new table. Comfort is everything and the lack of it can really throw your game off. Or mine anyway.

Back to today. I ran horribly...very reminiscent to the beginning of the month. Plus people are making good calls vs me. That means I'm thinking a level ahead or a level behind. I'm pretty sure it's a level ahead. Another thing, they're not betting when checked to where it looks like a good spot to bet any 2. It's either that they're leveling me knowing I'm going to check call or they're retarded nits. Again, I'm pretty sure they're just retarded (based on how other streets are played) and am going with this theory until someone proves me otherwise. At which point, I will just not play them anymore.

So now I'm down this month. I hate poker.


Finally, WTF is up with the recent influx of ratholers at Merge? If there's one thing I hate more than shortstackers, it's hit and runners. And if there's one thing I hate more than hit and runners, it's ratholers. They're everywhere. I've been ratholed at least 5 times in the last 2 days. It's disheartening because there's a lack of games so it frustrates (end result: tilt) you to no end when you get stuck.

Furthermore, a repeated ratholer has taken a liking to me. She now stalks and min buys with the intention to rathole every time I'm on. And she won't stop...no matter how many times I have wished her death via cancer.


Non Poker

My friend bullitpete recommended a great uk movie - "The Business". Top flick, an easy 8/10. Like Scarface meets lock, stock, and two smoking barrels. Worth owning.

It's my birthday tomorrow. Shame it falls on a Monday and I can't celebrate properly. Will probably have a few close people over in the evening since my house currently looks like a disaster area and do something big on fri/sat. Pisses me off I celebrate my bday down for the month. Might have to play all night. ;)

Some terrible human left a comment on the previous post calling the content on my blog somewhat objectionable...this angers me to no end. I like to think of my blog as completely objectionable so this can only mean that the level of objection I provide is not up to par. In turn this means that stories from my personal life will be posted. Some of you will laugh, some will cry, some will never visit here again.

Who knows when I'll update next but one thing's for sure...when ever that update comes...it will most certainly be fully objectionable!

Friday, May 18, 2007

Let me do a little blog spamming...

Spamming my own blog...I've reached a new low. =]

Attention poker/casino affiliates (especially all you PAW members), a good friend of mine now runs a Digital Gaming Network skin (same network as FCP) and wants to pay you lots and lots of commissions for player referrals. In fact, it's 100% rev share until september.

So if you like money (as opposed to hating it like me), go over to PokerDealer and sign up. You can tell her Jay sent you and be nice cause she's a sweetheart.



Oh, almost forgot! I set up an email address specifically for the blog...FCUKMONEY at gmail.com. So if you want to tell me, or 3up, or Vox or briz to go F ourselves or request more bad beat posts or something, you now have that option. Also, if you're an attractive female between the ages of 18 and 25, feel free to e-mail us your pictures.

J

Thursday, May 10, 2007

The future is Omaha?

Then the future is now. Omaha, at least @ the low limits, is crazy soft. Like Hold`em used to be a couple years ago when 5/10NL was a monster game. It's not as popular yet but I am not too good @ but over a decent sample size my winrate is way better then in hold`em where I actually know what I'm doing. Why aren't more people moving over to greener pastures? It's most popular in pot limit form and there's a lot more action then in hold`em so I think once hold`em dies down this will be the next big game for degenerates to get in on.

Side note: Who plays full ring limit games? They almost never run but god damn are they soft. I guess if you play on every site you could find enough in mid-limit hold`em but that's about it. The 30/60 O8 on Stars runs a fair amount and is crazy soft as well. I'm pretty bad @ O8 and am a loser in the game if it's shorthanded but when it gets full I crush and I suck. It's a shame the games are more boring then watching paint dry since you can't huff the fumes.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Poker is just ridiculous.

Only in poker can someone be on a huge high one minute and on a huge low the next. You really have to be a little (or a lot) sick in the head to do this day in and day out.

As my previous post said, I haven't been playing much online lately but when I have it's been 4 tabling HU games...and for the most part I've been crushing them. I mean, except when I'm getting totally annihilated.

I was up 8 buyins from this morning and just gave back 11 in under 60 minutes. How's that for a swing? And I didn't even play that bad...well not bad enough to drop 11.

Somehow I ended up with really aggressive opponents on all 4 tables and if the pot was raised and reraised, we played for stacks nearly every time - which I'm okay with usually, but it was cooler after cooler and beat after beat...which eventually leads to tilt and even more tilt.

Example: I make a ridiculous call with 3rd pair on a 3bet flop in a reraised pot for 800BB. No problem. He peals the 6 outer on the turn. I actually got kind of excited when I made the call and was right...kind of a downer when you make an incredible call and then get f'd for it.

Made another ridiculous 800bb call with 2nd pair on a 3bet flop, in a reraised pot. Villian had habbit of 3bet shoving 2 overs oop in reraised pots. This one was even sicker (the beat, not the call)as I had one of his overs..aka drawing to 3. Q Ball on the turn, no problem.

Then just pure coolers. River gives us both 2nd pair, his being higher with me betting all the way and I managed to not stack off (yay?). 3bet pot, he c/r's me all in on a Jhigh board with JT. I make the call with J9. River T, ship him 600BB. This one may have been questionable but I don't think I can lay it down with previous action.

Made an idiotic/genius call with Ahigh on a river where villian overbet pot all in. It was either pure air or the absolute nuts...unfortunately villian had latter. Then just tilted off another 3buyins or so that could have been avoided.

HU games are just sick in variance...especially when opponents are aggressive and have a lot of gamble.

Unfortunate, I may have to abuse lower stakes players for a bit as I just cashed out stripper money.

Off to sulk in my own misery.

Monday, May 07, 2007

Only me

Who's the idiot who came up with live poker? Honestly, the reason why I've been MIA is cause I've been playing the oh so sexy pace of 30hands an hour while surrounded by a bunch of blithering retards.

And while I have some funny stories, I'm too tired to write them up so I'll just whine about how rigged to all hell live poker is. Only I can find a way to get it in with AK vs Aces and Kings pf for a buyin, then get it in Aces w/ nut ace vs Qhigh flush draw for 2 buyins, and flop the idiot straight on a steal from LP vs the nut straight and top 2.

SHIP IT TO THE RNG OBV

Clearly all huge setups for me to lose. F LIVE POKER. F 3UP for sleeping, F PHREEZENET for not blogging, oh and F FTP for forcing me to change my new nick.

If I get 5 people to e-mail me and tell me I'm the greatest, I'll post some funny stories about trapping old people with ace high.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Not much to say

Would be nice if someone else could make an update once in a while =] Ummm played from like 1-9am today and ended up down 1300 being down as much as 2400 @ one point. Didn't play too well and got myself in situations where I was getting pot odds to stack off with shitty draws and blanked them all. Not very happy about it obviously.

Once I got done with that I played softball for about 8 hours. Practice for different teams and then a game. Mixed league got killed as usual like 21-1 with me scoring the only run. Really need to hit the batting cages though. Went to dinner with a few of the competitive guys from the team afterwards and talked about how to improve and bullshitted for a while.

Came up and am currently playing the FTP HORSE tourney. A very weak blog entry if I do say so myself but I'm absolutely exhausted and playing like shit but running well so still in the tourney. I'll make up for it on Monday with a good post. Sorry.

:RungoodtowinHORSEagainwouldmakemetheillest?

Saturday, May 05, 2007

The reason someone else should update once in a while

Jay is MIA and I think he might be dead but I'm too lazy to call him and find out so I'll just assume the worst. Played a decent (length wise) couple of sessions today though I didn't feel I played very well in the second sesh. I think I might make more money off the regulars in the games @ 1/2 then the donks. This is not the case @ 2/4 but pretty sure it may be true @ 1/2 and I'm curious to look around PT later and confirm this. Hands like this are the reason why. I believe that AEJones proposed the theorum that AK is the nuts in any situation. Just more evidence. Villain then I think got a little upset since after hand the text is missing but he said something along the lines of "instacalling with A high?". As if it wasn't evident that I was value-check calling the nuts there.

Regulars buy-in full and adjust to your play and think logically so it's easier to get reads on there play and adjust accordingly and adjust to how they're going to adjust to you etc. Many of the regulars @ 2/4 play much better to begin with and are also better @ adjusting/re-adjusting but @ 1/2 they're typically even easier to play against then average half-buyin donk.

:jitterbugavenueQjukeboxheronazi

Friday, May 04, 2007

Townsend wouldn't let me be his protege/man slave...

but he did give me a free month to cardrunners. Aba was slumming with the likes of me recording a CR video but didn't stay for long so I don't think the video was making the cut. I did get to fleece him for $30.30 before he left though including one heads-up hand. I'm clearly going to be in the 300/600NL game any week now. I guess I should start looking for him since it would kick ass to be able to play him HU @ low stakes and then watch the video of what he was holding against me. At first I wasn't a cardrunners fan but after watching enough videos I did pick up a couple little things which then obviously paid for the subscription and now that sbrugby and Schneids have joined up I would go so far as to actually reccomend it. i'm hoping Schneids improves my SHLHE game since it needs a lot of work and I'd like to play the midstakes HORSE games regularly in the future but my LHE definetly needs a lot of work. Pretty weak lineup in the 1k/2k HORSE last night for a little while where Razz and Stud8 hands got played pretty poorly that I saw.

In other news the weather here is actually beautiful but I feel like absolute shit. Playing well and expect my invite to the Ship It Holla Balls anyday now (jopke)

:I'mthegreatesteverandabashouldnotmakelowstakevideosbecausethey'res
ofarfromwhatheplaysandit'sfarmoreinterestingtowatchhimanalyze10/20

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Such a sicko

Fell asleep watching some Family Guy after the first six hours of yesterdays session. Rolled straight off the couch and back in front of the computer. Typing this makes me realize that I'm ven geekier then I normally picture myself. Grinded for 4 hours and ended up finishing the day -47.60 for the day which isn't bad since the first half of the day is the kind of run of cards you only see when you play hundreds of thousands of hands.

Made a big hero call which I actually feel was correct still despite not getting the result I was hoping for. The big mistake I made is after making an excellent all-in call I leveled myself a few hands later against the same player figuring he was giving me more credit and would be thinking on the 3rd level when he was only on the 2nd. That's the one hand I'm really upset with myself about.

Dropped a few bucks bowling tonight after I finished up my session becaus ethe only time I bowl decent my friend bowls his best game ever. Got softball practice later today but hopefully will be able to log some hours today still since I've caught the bug a little bit.

:crushsilly

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Running disgustingly well

Played 6 hours this morning and ended up dropping a little more then 4.5 buy-ins. Just sick how far ahead I was and how often I was able to do it that this result is just ridiculous. Playing LAG is the nuts. I made a few mistakes but that's too be expected in any sample of hands over 5k and none of them were major or just flat out horrible plays with no justification behind them. Didn't tilt and stayed focus for a long period of time and was pretty satisfied overall with my performance.

Started off by immediately misplaying a couple big pots which again were bad but not horrible. From then it was some sick sick beats. This was about the fifth one and while I'm not big on posting beats I use this solely because I thought this one was going to tilt me but I continued to play for several hours and take several more beats like this without tilting. Since I play low limits and don't ball out like Jay and Phreeze it's important that I actually establish the ability to do this and grind since I clearly am going to need to play more then a few hours a week to achieve anything close to ballerdom.

The reason I'll never work

The reason I'm not stuck 2500 from this session

Last 8500 hands I'm currently losing money with AA, AK, JJ which is pretty sick. No, I'm not a losing player who can't play AK or JJ properly it's just variance. Skipped a party to keep grinding since I got instastuck but if I ever leave the house again I'll be sure to drop some of that on the blog as well.

:JayisabitchImarakebackproandturningalbinoasItypethis

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Daily Updates Starting Now

That's right our loyal degens, updates all over your faces every single day in May. It's a shame no one has anything interesting to ever say though so you're going to be stuck listening to me rant about the lack of committment on my softball team and how bad I suck @ poker and other random shit.

For instance, according to the internet I'm 26% gay. I'm positive I have considerably more gay tendancies then that based on the fact not two hours ago I had a discussion about why if you're going to wear underwear it should be silk and who makes the best designer jean. Total fagaloid.

Pokerstars which I almost never play on refused to give me a discount on 13 3/4 length baseball shirts and caps from the FPP store to outfit my softball team because it compromises the intregrity of their FPP program. Who the hell cares if someone gets a discount on 13 of those shitty shirts - who else is purchasing them? Fuckers don't even have rakeback.

On the pokerfront I will be absolutely crushing this month and might break even after rakeback. All skill. Jay was complaining that he didn't make enough off of to cover his denim shopping spree I played something like 20 hours in April and I could kind of use cash so I'll be logging hours. So far I've played 3hrs45mins which is almost halfway to a full workday!! Some people scoff @ this but they're jealous because I have a more charming personality then they do.

:FuckthehatersLivethedream

Sunday, April 29, 2007

FTP has the dumbest railbirds on the net.

And it's not debatable. They sure are funny, though.

Also someone should write something interesting in this blog. Sure as hell won't be me though.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Phil Ivey? A fish? Surely I jest?

How sick is it that Phil Ivey was the fish in a 200-400 NL game last night on FTP? I booted ftp last night to see the following scenario:

Aba sits alone at several 6max 200-400 and one 300-600 HU table. Phil Ivey joins him at the 3/6 HU and at the 200-400 6max. Several players who were previously playing 100-200 join phil and aba at the 2/4. Phil leaves a buyin on the table and quits. Immediately after, the previously mentioned 100-200 players either leave or sit out with aba alone willing to play.

This just reinforces that Aba is currently the best NLHE player in the world. It's just sick how he's become so good so quickly.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Holla @ the UK one time.

My friends from the UK Bullitpete & FoxyUK move on to Day 2 of the WPT Bellagio Championship event with 42.5k and 47k in chips respectively.

Play resumes monday.

Best of luck to Pete & Stu. Take it down fellas.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Bleh. Meh. Puke. I suck. Etc, etc.

I should not play HU tables when I'm tired and 8 tabling. Booked a small loser($1200ish) today because I lost 6-7 buyins playing HU to someone who I've already lost 4 to previously. Yeah, I'm getting killed and the worst part is that it's mostly my fault.

At first glance I thought villian was nitty donk. Over a few hundred hands my opinion changed to reasonable but beatable. So today I booted up a HU on pcom alongside 5 cash and 2 tournaments - bad idea.

Bled chips left and right and basically just got abused hard. I ran ridiculously cold, rarely making a pair, forget anything that beats one. Didn't help that villain ran like fire. Set? Set when I have TP? Another set? Turn a set when I make TP + Fdraw? Flopped straight to my OP? More please? Can I win a coin flip? (Just kidding, you know I can't win a coin flip.)

Okay. Forget the whining and coolers. I was going to lose regardless, that's just how the cards came...but I should have lost a lot less. I've been sort of deviating from my standard HU game and trying some trappy with moderates - it's been working well on FTP (maybe I'm just hitting more) against more sophisticated opponents but has put me into a blood bath on pcom.

...

[I almost wrote a whole bunch of strategy (don't worry it would have been bad strategy since I'm down like 10K playing hU) and my thought process involving some situations based on analysis, but then I realized that this blog is getting somewhat popular and I don't know who's reading it so I'm going to be vague instead.]

I imported 20k or so Pcom hands into PT just to analyse whether or not I had an edge in aforementioned HU games. I do, but I haven't been exploiting it. I'm down about 10k total to 3 different opponents. One clearly has game and I don't think I could have played more than 5 hands differently. It wouldn't have made a big difference anyway.

The two others are transparent (and donks - always go with the first read!). I'm giving credit for plays they're incapable of. Both appear to have major (but different) leaks that I haven't been exploiting as much as I'd have liked. And some of the calls that are instant and standard vs a lot of opponents I've played lately are probably folds against their ranges.

All this means that I've been doing a piss poor job of adjusting to weaker opponents. Or that I suck. I'm pretty sure it's just me sucking. Doesn't help that I've been cold either. When you haven't made a pair in 75 hands and you suddenly see top pair no kicker, it starts looking like a straight flush. (Villain obv rivers 2 pair FTW!)

I may also need to implement a stop a loss. I would have been much less disgusted with myself than I currently am if I had lost the same amount over more sessions. It's clear that after some point my game descends into the third level of retardation and I start ignoring the captain obvious tells coming from their computers.

Meh. I should be down only 50% of what I've actually lost.

I think I may purposely start playing HU only (like 4 tables and only when I'm fresh for periods no longer than 3 hours) for the rest of the month. That should improve my ability to adjust to various opponents. Heads up is all about adjusting to your opponent, going with your read, and seeing who can tilt who first. And if I lose another 10k, I think I just won't play it anymore.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Welcome new readers!

I'd like to welcome our new readers from PAW. Make sure you bookmark us and tell all your friends. Kick back, spread the word, and leave lots of comments - we're here to amuse you. Also, I'd like to extend a personal thank you to one Jeremy Enke of PAW - thank you for linking the blog. We appreciate the free traffic.

Oh, almost forgot. A very special thank you to NewPokerGirl/Nicole79xx of PAW. Thanks for being so incredibly stupid - I couldn't have done it without you baby.

If it's wrong to love stupid people, I don't want to be right!

Stay tuned - I promise to go on drunken tilt and lose thousands of dollars really soon. REDPILL888 WHO?!!

Jay

P.s. Jeremy, thanks for not being a judgemental prick who jumps to conclusions without knowing all the details...oh wait. My mistake.

Friday, April 06, 2007

What the hell am I doing?

Is what I've been asking myself a lot lately. I've been booting up sessions and totally neglecting to actually pay attention to the actual games. No it's not the robot multitabling lack of attention, it's the what the hell am I doing playing this hand like a complete freaking idiot lack of attention. And the bad thing, I've been doing it over and over and over. Let me explain:

I've been sick. Really sick. Really sick to the point that I now look like a zombie, haven't left the house for several days and have been on a steady concoction of tylenol, advil and vodka for god knows how long.

And I think I've coughed up a lung last night.

So because I've been sick and stuck inside the house, I literally had nothing to do but sleep and play poker. And I've logged a ton of hours during this time - a ton of LOSING hours.

Let's go back to March. I had a half decent March other than the drunken tilt I went on (chronicled a few posts below). In fact, on the last day of March I was quite a few thousand away from my target and you know what? No problem - a few hours at the tables come April 1st I was over set goal. Nice. I am good. (Not really)

So, since I think I'm so good at this game, I decide to cashout a sizeable chunk of my roll...I have bills to pay and stripprs to buy. Besides, I'm good at poker.(No, I am not.)

The reason why I had a good March (other than playing lousy 1-2 for most of the month) was because I was "in the zone". It's not like I ran super well - I didn't, I was just in a great mental state pokerwise and I think I can attribute that to playing only about 30K hands the entire month, with the last 10k during the last couple of days. That's pretty much peanuts to any serious multitabler. For comparison, Threeup plays 30k hands in a week.

Now I'm not sure exactly how to maintain being "in the zone" (maybe I should take up meditation or something) but I know how to get out of the zone very quickly (yeah, big surprise).

Burnout - it's worse than tilt, baby. So what's burnout and how do you know you have it? Well, it's a weird state. It's when you hate poker with a passion and don't want to play it but do so anyway. It's when you have 5-6 tables open and can't help but browse some site or watch tv instead of paying attention to the action. It's when all your decisions are automatic, idiotic and without thought. You're not thinking about what you're doing, you're going through the motions and your motivation isn't to play your best possible game but to just "win a few grand and be done for the day."

It's a kind of emotionless and thoughtless state - which is why it differs from tilt. When you're on tilt, you're experiencing some sort of emotion from soemthing (a beat, a bad play on your part, whatever) but on burnout, you're watching numbers change on a screen and not caring.

It's what I've been going through lately. It's from playing lots of hours while I was sick and at the end of last month to meet expectations. I guess the fact that I was on a combination of meds and vodka didn't help either. I can't stand poker right now. In fact, to be honest, I don't enjoy it anymore and I haven't for a long time. The last time I can remember when I actually enjoyed playing was when I was playing strong, very creative opponents Heads up at higher stakes than my norm. It's been "just for the money" for so long now...no wonder I get burned out so quickly after playing only a few extra hours. Gone are the days where I could log 8 hours a day for a week and still want action on monday.

Over the past week, I've busted two of my accounts, and crippled another. It's a really good thing I got this cold or I could actually claim to win money at this game. God forbid.

FCUK Colds
FCUK Burnout
FCUK POker

P.s. Aba is the best NL player in the world right now. Step aside, Ivey. How sick is it that he was playing 400NL last year?

Thursday, April 05, 2007

If it Wasn't For Big Pockets, I could Make money at this game

We've all heard, or bitched ourselves that "aces never hold up for me".... Well they dont hold up for me either, but more so, i was reviewing my Stats using my favorite stat keeping program, and i'm right where i want to be as far as VPIP, AF and WSD.. SemiLoose Aggressive baby!!!

However, I'm only up very little for the past 10k in hands, with how good i've been playing lately i should be averaging way more BB/100..

After a quick review i've found my biggest losing hands for the past 10k have been AA and KK, hell 22 has made more for me, and i'm even for playing J4o so thats doing better for me than AA or KK...

I reviewed my play on these hands and discovered that AA, can not beat 95s (especially when 95s pushes from the Button and you're in the BB with AA) A set of AA can not beat KJo especially so it is especially bad to keep betting the pot all the way to the river when that T hits..

My KK will not beat someone elses AA but if I have AA and someone has KK, I might as well just burn my money and use it to light my cigarettes with...

My AA and KK are looking at about a 10% win ratio right now, and they're getting all in preflop the vast majority of the time...

I cant complain too hard, I am currently up, Thank God for flushes...

Friday, March 30, 2007

P u k e

(heads up) - $3/$6 - No Limit Hold'em - 2007/03/30
Seat 1: Hero ($1457)
Seat 2: Villain ($614)
Hero posts the small blind of $3
Villain posts the big blind of $6
The button is in seat #1
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Hero [9h 9s]
Hero raises to $21
NotePad calls $15
*** FLOP *** [8d 9d 8s]
Hero bets $36
Villain Raises to $72
Hero Calls $36
*** TURN *** [8d 9d 8s] [6d]
Hero bets $90
Villaine Raises to $180
Hero raises to $1364 and is all in
Villain Calls $341 and is all in
Hero Shows [9h 9s]
Villain Shows [Td 7d]
*** River *** [8d 9d 8s 6d] [4c]
Villain wins pot ($1227.50) with Ten high Straight flush

I played it kind of badly but villain dictated. =[

Friday, March 23, 2007

The 1-2 experiment, legendary tilt and epic stars meltdowns.

March 1st, 2007 - As usual, Threeup up and I are insulting each other on AIM when then all of a sudden the following comes up: In all his stripper wisdom, the kid decides to bet me that I couldn't drop down in limits and stay there for an extended period of time.

Me? Not be able to do something? Is this guy kidding? You know it's on.

Now, normally, it's true that I wouldn't be able to play a month of 1-2. As per my usual poker degenercy and the reason for this blogs existance, I would be jumping around from 3-6 to 5-10 to 25-50 depending on my mood or how much I was stuck on the day...but when a guy lays down a dare you gotta take it. (I know, I know, cheesy 80's movie reference, sorry I couldn't help it.)

Fast forward to today, and after 20,000 hands of playing 1-2 exclusively I am up somewhere around 10grand. That is, uhh, until this morning.

Let's back track a bit to around 11pm when I decided to get ridiculously drunk with a friend I haven't seen in a while. Many many shots later, I come home in the early hours of the morning very very drunk and very very broke. Good thing I have the ATM of online poker at my disposal. After all, after about 44-45 hours of playing (6 tables @ 75hands/hr), I'm averaging ~222$ per 60minutes. (Imagine if I didn't suck?!)

It's cashout time baby!

So naturally I head on over to my pokerstars account, click cashier, and what's this? If I cashout my account balance will have an imperfection in it. It will be uneven. This simply won't do. Heading over to the 10-20LHE tables immediately.

10minutes later I'm down 40 bets. Is it even possible to lose 40 bets in 10minutes? Seriously. Time for 30-60. The beats don't stop. I'm down several thousand and I haven't even broken a sweat. I'm not playing well, I'm not sober. I refuse to quit. Time for 5000NL.

Now we're here, it's 8am and a buyin later I'm still broke, slightly more sober, and am writing this blog for your entertainment.

Normally, I wouldn't be so mad because, well hey, I do stupid stuff like this to amuse myself on a daily basis but this time there's a problem - I may have just been proven wrong by Threeup! I mean, does drunken idiocy count? I suppose it should? Furthermore, I was planning on going out tonight and spending an obscene amount of money on alchohol and personal entertainment...but now I don't have any.

Hey Threeup, double or nothing on April? I'll 20 table the hell out of 1-2!

Jay is sad.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

lil donkaments

First off wtf is lil? I can't come up with something it stands for so I'm guessing it's more leetspeak that can get destroyed by the masses. (Sup Jay) Also pwn is still pronunced own jackasses, Everytime I hear some bitch say powned I want to slap them. That said I felt lil is approriate when addressing tournaments because I fcuking hate them as well. So what did I do today? Well a nice relaxing days away from grinding on the tables because I think I'll boot up some tournies for the day.

So Let's Breakdown How Bad I Suck:

PokerStars:

10+1 PLO - WTF?? Why did I join this? The prizepool is barely over a grand so I decide I'd rather stare @ my genitials for a bit instead. Instadonkdown.

50+5 NLHE - Started off pretty standard not doing much playing a little LAG early on but not getting involved still. Fast forward a little bit I c/r all-in with an OESD he calls with an overpair which was also 2 of my outs. I spike, he gets pissed, bad play is rewarded again, I buckle down. Fast forward a little more I start playing very well and getting involved in tons of pots. I'm constantly flipping shortstacks getting insane pot odds and winnings more then I'm losing while never putting a significant portion of my stack in jeopardy. I'm stealing left and right and flipping a lot and gaining a lot of chips without making any big hands. We're approaching the money and I'm about 30ish of 110 (90 pay). We make the money, I make a few hands and get near the chip lead continuing to do the same thing. Pow! We had started with 798 and now we're down to 9. As much as I hate tournies I do final table them like it's my job!?! A lot of swings prior to coming I had lost a couple hands and am now in 5th going into the final table.

People are getting KOd much slower then I would like as I was hoping to move up a couple spots before I was forced to gamble. Life's tough I still raise dueces UTG 8 handed after folding for a couple rounds. Yeah, I'm that donktastic and still better then you. Shortstack has AQ and just calls flop KJx so I push because that's an A+ flop for dueces. He calls and hits I am again crippled by two overs and a gutshot as it is the reason I am in 5th instead of 1st. Lots of up and downs people are dropping surprisngly slow based on how much action had gone on in the first round @ the final table. I make some hands but more importantly am playing excellent. Go through a stretch were I'm stealing a lot only to lose them in the races. Shit evens out and I get a big chiplead. I only expand on it until we get 3 handed. I raise A6o on the button and the SB who has shown some streaks of aggressiveness but has been largely passive pushes all-in. I don't remember the exact #s but had decided it was insanely marginal either way and made the fold. Couple rounds later I again make the same raise with 78s and he pushes in again. He pushed in with strength and based on my willingness to call I should have again laid this down but instead I called like a jackass. I regret this play almost as much as my OESD from earlier. He shows 88 I flop the OESD but come up short and he's back in it. We end up getting HU and he has about a 5:3 chip lead but I feel confident. Blinds 10k/20k he raises to 80k and I have A2s. I make it 160k. This was a mistake. I thought he had made it 60k and debated just pushing but decided I was just a tad bit too deep to make that play. Had I seen it was 80k I would have pushed. He toiled and called. Flop came AQQ and I checked since I'm obviously commited to this hand and if he has me I figure it's with a weak Ace so the odds are we're chopping up anyways and hopefully if he has a small pair he'll stab @ it anyways. In hindsight, I could have probably got Ax off by leading out and had considered it but had hoped to get a small pair to bet a few more chips because I'm a jackass. He bets and I push though his bet basically set me in anyways. He rolls A6 turn and river are 2 and 3 respectively and I lose 4k to a 6 kicker. Those are the 3 hands I regret how I played and have nothing to do with the results. For my lackluster performance I get to add another $5,413 to the coffers @ the cost of hating myself the rest of the day.

50+5R NLHE - I hate rebuys as accordingly they are much more expensive then the base price and for whatever reason I've never liked that. I also just don't have a good grasp of the strategy & can't afford to try to learn the start open pushing early on to get a lot of chips in play @ your table strategy that a lot of the really good players use. Being as these same players make the rebuys some of the toughest regular fields on the net from what I've heard (specifically the 100Rs) there's obviously something to it. That said all the extra chips in play do add a lot more play after the rebuy period ends which I am in favor of.

I started off rebuying so I started with 3000 and then did much of nothing for some time. Eventually I made a couple of sizable bluffs which I was almost positive would work and with really no risk since I could rebuy and caught a couple hands right before break putting me to a little above 7000 chips and then adding-on for 2 more. This had me in pretty good chip position and I was quite happy especially since my table had no one open shoving from the start and was infact pretty nitty. I had opened up Annette_15s table @ the beginning since she's apparently been tearing it up to see how she plays and 3 people were all-in the first hand and a lot of chips got into play. I was about 40th of 200ish players left @ the break so all things considered I was loving my position.

Almost immediately after the break however I got AA in the SB and UTG+1 made a raise and got a caller followed by an all-in from a shortstack. I pushed in to isolate and was against 77 for about a 7k-8k pot if memory serves me correctly but he spiked on a 7 on the river. This did not leave me in such a great position with only about 6k left but I certainly was not out of it but a hand or two later I picked up 44 and called a raise in position. I flopped midset on a flushdraw board and I got check minraised by the PFR. I figured I might scare him away by pushing and decided to get it on the turn regardless of what came off and he would surely lead any turn though he could have a decent range it certainly wasn't air. Turn came a K which didn't complete the flush and he lead out I moved in he called and rolled KK. GG me. Played fantastic and went donkdown early. Tournies are cruel.

100+9 PLO8 - I honestly have no business in this game. I suck @ PLO8 and I especially suck @ PLO8 tournies. Long story short PBDrunks made a big rebluff @ me which I couldn't call. I then got myself stuck in a bad situation with a shitty hand I couldn't fold. PBDrunks owns me. Respect to his game. I'm donkdown almost instantly. I need to stop playing these.

30+3 HORSE - Not going to cover a lot since it was a 30 dollar 48 player tournament and I play SnGs with more excitement then this but basically I started off playing a little sloppy but then thanks to mistakes of opponents and some super thin value bets which make me the HORSE stud I am I got the chip lead with aroud 12 remaining (6 paid). In Stud8 I picked up rolled up dueces. Played a massive pot and got smacked by a river flush the didn't go away when he should have and missed value when he made it. This crippled me. We got to hold`em and I made a set of 7s against a set of 8s. GG me not to interesting but shitty hands to go out on.

Full Tilt:

150+13 NLHE 28k Gauranteed - I make another massive donkey call with 6s on a low flop against Js pretty early on. I river a 6 and get chips I don't deserve. That's what tourney poker is all about. I then play well as I choose good spots to steal and make some hands when I need them and get in good shape. I played one interesting hand which I think was bad but I'm not sure how bad exactly. On the bubble (outlast one person make the money) The button who had been kind of nitty with a 20k stack made it 4k with 500/1k blinds and a 125 ante. The was like the 3rd or 4th smallest stack. The 4k raise made me suspicious because it was much bigger then the rest of the bets that had been made. I had about 30k which was enough to lose 20k and still make the money so I pushed over the top with Q5o. He instacalled with AJo which surprised me. Granted AJ is @ the top of his range so I expect a call from it the speed with which he called (I viewed him as a pretty big nit) surprised me. I lost and monied but couldn't make anything happen and went out shortly after. $200.70 woo-hoo. I found the hand interesting and am going to run ICM and PokerStove later on to figure out exactly how bad it was (if it was) since it's been a long time since I did any study into tournament hands.

24+2 PLHE 3k Gauranteed - I have no idea why I played this either. I think I just wanted another table open. I have no idea what happened in it other then it was uninteresting and I went out early.


Now with the recap of the day out of the way let me get back to why I hate tournaments so much aside from the fact it's barely even poker and the skill involved is much less (which explains why I do so good in them). The real reason is I always feel like shit. I go in with the mentality that I'm going to win when I sit down so when I win it's like a job well done but 2nd-Last is always a big bummer and I toil on hands played much longer then I do over hands in ring. I've also become really sloppy in the beginning of tournaments and outside the Sunday HORSEs rarely seem to buckle down until the mid stages. Until next time I have something to bitch about....later.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

FTP Gives Away Money But It Does Me No Good

Full Tilt Poker > Requests > Check My Bonus Offers

I got $500 and I've already chunked off $1500 while clearing it. Impressed? I don't know how to combine my PokerTracker and PTOmaha database on PokerGrapher so I couldn't do true justice with a graph but suffice to say last week was up 9k in ring games followed by a sharp down 8500. I'm SFGood. That was all playing no higher then 2/4 so that's a minimum of 22.5 buy-ins up (that's a bankroll @ these stakes) and then over 21 buy-ins down. That's swingy =]

It's St. Patricks Day and rather then drink all day I decided I'd rather sit and home and chunk off more money until I'm even. Greenbacks > Green Beer.

The good news is I finally got my ePassporte debit card working so now I can cashout normally again. Of course as far as getting good and moving up is concerned that's probably a bad thing. Either way I'll probably have more non-poker bitching up soon.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

All good things must come to an end.

Some douchebag once said that all good things must come to an end. I hate to give any d-bag credit but in this case the random proverb guy, that obviously never experienced the warmth of a womans wizard sleeve, is 100% correct. I played two glorious months of tilt free poker and I just got bullied and beat up on Lee Jones' playground. I felt like a pedophile trying to quell his urge for 12 year old brunettes. I kept telling myself "brah, do not tilt...." Turns out I was drawing dead.
A string of two out beats with my AA and KK and I was bleeding chips .FCuck it lets see how overdrive tilt treats the roll. Oh my opponent re-pops a gut shot draw to the understraight. I'm all in. Wow there is his card. Well played sir and another overpair busted. It seems like pokerstars got wind of my attempt to achieve the highest level of the VIP program(supernova elite) No way Lee is going to allow me to earn free all expense paid trips to big buy in tournaments and the elusive Porsche Cayman.
" But how I am going to get laid Lee, I need the sick whip and the gold-digging biddies will flock"
I guess I am just going to have to settle for Pokerstars Branded sandals and the special edition Chris Moneymaker poker sunglases. I mean I heard they are impenetrable to the stare of "Jesus" Ferguson and I should be able to pull off some shit that would scare David Blaine on the felt.
I guess I just have to look on the bright-side and implement my last resort plan to marry into the Jones family.
Forgive me for this sorry excuse for a post but I just chunked off what would've been 3 months of minimum wage earnings in a few hours.
If I don't say it someone else will.
"NICE FCUKING TILT SIR"
:rodetooDEATH

Monday, March 12, 2007

ReflectionDotcom

It's been a few weeks since my first and only post and I want to take this opportunity to reflect on my experiences in poker within the past few months.
First off I was fortunate enough to lucksack a win in one of the last $175 double shootouts satelites to the PokerStars Carribean Adventure (PCA). The entire experience was great. An 8k buy in WPT tourney,a world class resort, and the allure of getting drunker than a pledge at an alpha beta keg party. Anyway, I elected to play on day 1b as I wanted to get FCUKed up the first few days and check out the resort scene. My first full day in the Bahamas was interesting as I started drinking at 10AM and blacked out somewhere between 4-6pm. What I can remember in between was great. Riding highspeed waterslides with a blood alcohol content of .18 is obviously a great idea and a lot of fun. Apparently I pissed in public in broad daylight and probably was a 3:2 dog on getting banned from the entire resort but drew a miracle card on the river to avoid any trouble. The next day I awoke at 6am and it was my turn to play. I ventured into the enormous ballroom and it was a beautiful site. 500 degenerates just like myself geared up and ready to shoot off chips. Suprisingly I didn't feel nervous at all even though this was my first major live tourney and first World Poker Tour event. I just wanted to play solid poker and bust getting my money in good so I could get back to drinking and urinating in public. I was lucky enough to survive through day 1 and it took a two outer within the first 20 hands of the tournament for that to happen. Here's how it went down:

I had KK in the cutoff and opened standard. Villian 3bets button, had already 3 bet me once... he seemed like a true douchebag. The big blind was posting dead(player yet to arrive) so this was conducive to me raising and him 3 betting light in a resteal attempt. I decided to 4bet the kk like a retard. He called.

Flop came: T 3 3 two diamonds

I lead 3/4 pot, which put about 1/4 of my 20k chips in the pot at that time.
Villian douche moves all in for the full 20k. This was a huge overbet
I thought for about 30 seconds, was 75% going to fold, and said Fcuk it and called anyway. Obviously he showed two black aces.

Then boom! Turn comes king and ship it one time! I double up.

Although my first instinct was to fold I talked to numerous online pros(Guacho,Green Plastic) and many others and all said they wouldn't have folded.

I finished day 1 with 33k in chips and was up to about 55k at one point. Nothing exciting happened on my second day other than a few moves put on wsop main event final table participant Rhett Butler and the worst wsop bracelet winner in history Ted Lawson. I was extremely card dead on day 2 and busted in level 4, about 60 places out of the money. Overall definitely a good tournament experience.

After the 12 hour trip home I decided to take a more serious approach to poker and it has worked out well for me. I decided to switch to nl cash games and I have been doing very well at the 5/10 level. You'd be suprised at what a pokerstars avatar meant for homosexual males will do for your image. I credit all my recent to success to crafty image manipulation. You'd be surprised how much profit can be made convincing your opponents you're playing a lot looser than you really are. I have been meaning to incorporate the bigger buy in tournaments into my playing schedule as well but don't see that happening anytime soon. After all, not everyone can spike the sunday h.o.r.s.e. on a monthly basis (Sup ThreeUp). I also plan on making my way into nl hu cash games in the near future as that is where the most money can be made. Until then I will continue to move chips in 5/10nl 6 max cash games and write these blog posts for all the Team FCUK Groupies.


:ridetillyoudie

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

HU NLHE

I'm soooo bad @ this it's sick and the variance is nuts. I've decided this and PLO is where the money is at. I chunked off a ton too a huge donk after beating up 2/4 for 2k earlier I chunked it all off this evening to someone who played so bad I should have made some laydowns very easily instead of stacking off. Yeah, I stacked off twice knowing I was beat. I'm horrible but I'll get good @ it. Eventually I'll discover I'm forced to go with my reads and do very well in this.

I tilted a bit @ the end and leveled myself getting the excuses to call - it was tilt. Momentum is so huge it's amazing, though detatching from the game means you can gain a huge edge over your opponent when you don't let the swings effect you. It's no wonder there's so much fast money to be made in HU.

I'm also trying to loosen up in 6max and play very LAG. Filthy PT has all sorts of errors when importing my HU play for whatever reason and I lost all the hand histories including the 6max I was playing @ the same time. I'm a horrible horrible donk and now hate myself for that last session I played since I underperformed so largely in HU despite only lossing 350 for the overall sesison. Almost up 2 dimes for the day though so that's something. Once I get good I'll change over from bitching about things people already know to just bragging about what a balla I am. Until then, have a good one.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Kinda Hot Right Now

I did it again. I bent over the Sunday HORSE on FTP and made it my bitch. $6540 not bad for a few hours work. Final table had Ari (who I dislike for calling down with Q high in Razz a long time ago and being good) and Micon (who I dislike for personal reasons) at it but neither did much. BadgerDawg however took a 100k pot off me (with 300k in play in the entire tourney) by calling down with 5s in Stud8 which were obviously good to scoop. I don't know why I try to run plays like that since no one ever folds and they look like geniuses. Oh well. I ran well this time as oppossed to playing excellent like last time so I'm not complaining. More angry at myself then anything. I need to improve my game in the late-middle stages for LHE as it's clearly the one part where I don't have a large edge. I'm looking to improve that so I may continue tearing this up. I'm definitely thinking I need to make a point of playing the Stars and FTP HORSE every week but it probably won't happen.

In other news Bugsy's Club changed the 50+5 10k gaurantee Sunday freezeout to a 10k gauranteed 20+2 rebuy tourney so I'll no longer be playing there. I'm not a fan of rebuys and absolutely adored the 10k freezeout structure. It's a shame and hopefully they'll change it back soon.

Also I still crush silly @ low stakes PLO. I'm running very well in 1/2 and 2/4 though the sample size is still small. Can't wait to get in enough hands or enough knowledge to figure out what's truely sustainable but I'm positive it will be much more profitable then Hold`em despite not being able to see as many hands an hour. Also a lot more fun and less like work as I still am learning a lot about the game where as HE as felt like a grind for a long time.

Unpoker-related quips: Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip has been put on hiatus by NBC which is a shame since it was the best show currently on TV. It's replacement The Black Donnelly's had a very good pilot and I hope both shows continue for many more seasons to come.

The Shield returned April 3rd. Best show ever.

I bowled well over average today but I still hate bowling. Have a good one.

Friday, March 02, 2007

The Alice Experiment

When i first began playing online poker, we had to use Morse code and ham radios, if you thought server crashes that left you with disconnect protect were bad, you would in no way be prepared for Russian spies during the cold war especially if you flopped a set... However, this is not my point, nor does this opening statement have anything to do with what i'm going to blog about. Early on I played primarily on Pacific poker and Party Poker, i was a newbie and a losing player, So i stayed playing the beatable live cash games in my local area, until i became proficient at poker. I did however, swear off online poker and never played again until my girlfriend had found poker.com at the time they had a 200.00 freeroll a 500.00 freeroll and a 3,000 freeroll, average entrants into each of these tourneys were about 90-200, this occurred daily... At the time you could register for the 200.00 tourney, never even play a hand, and usually win at least .75cents. On my first attempt i took 9th and on my second i took first. I then made quite a bit playing cash games and had multiple final table appearances in the 3k and the 500 freeroll. I had an online bankroll, but no bankroll management skillz. Playing cash games locally i'd always just play with what i had, and spend what I won, I co-owned a bar/pub that i also bar tended at, the bar always lost money, but i at least had tips to play with. I was used to winning every time i played, and so when i built up my online bankroll from zero to 1,200.00 I withdrew and spent it. Shortly after all of that things financially took a turn for the worst, i got out of the bar business, I also didnt work, I lived above a transmission shop so i wouldnt have to pay rent. The only income i had was from live games and i'd have to be bankrolled for those, most the big games had dried up or at least no one would tell me where they were, so i was forced to play in the small stakes games where at tops there would be $400.00 on the table... Which was a far cry from the usual $8,000. Also i had to split half of what i'd win with the guy bankrolling me. I was living off of poker, but i wasnt living well.

"GET A FREE $50.00 To Play at Party Poker" - I saw the ad, i became intrigued, but unfortunately as i looked up the details i realised because of my preexisting party account i was not eligible for this offer... But my girlfriend was! I signed her up, and gave her the Name Alice*
I then stole an internet connection and would borrow the business line from the shop downstairs whenever i could to log-on and play.

*there was more to the name but i'd like to keep some anonymity. I know longer use the Account, but I'd prefer to not receive a backlash from anyone i had played*

$50.00 of my own money to play poker with, a second chance, and now more skilled then ever, and more determined, i was going to pull myself out of the hole.

I INSTANTLY noticed that everyone treated the Alice character different, Men respected more of my raises, however i could slowplay more, Women fealt a "Girl power" connection with Alice and would play softly against her if they fealt as though they were a team-mate against any boy players, i could get them to check down any hand i was behind in... and when i caught on the river and beat them, they'd say "Nice hand, good for you, YAY TEAM!!!"
My BB/100 ratio was higher than it had ever been, i was beginning to understand manipulating opponents is Positive EV, there seemed to be more to poker than just playing better.
I decided To take it to the Next level and tried to manipulate as many people as i could on every table i played.

I quickly learned i could tilt guys by being as offensive to them as possible, No guy likes being dissed by a girl, or beaten by a girl... Against an Opponent i hadn't played against before i often would take the worst of it a few times hoping to suck out, then i'd gloat, then they'd spew out poker math to me, Then I'd vividly explain to them everything i wanted to do with their mother, most of a sexual nature. They'd call alice a lesbian, i'd call them some homosexually slanderous name. (I have gay and lesbian friends, so i knew all the names that really set off straight folk) I did Whatever I could to fuel the fire, I set no boundaries or standards of etiquette for myself, it was as important to my game as pot odds, expected value and as much a tool as the check raise or the freecard raise. Most people tilted few would leave, and those that left i'd follow to other tables, and explain to their peers how they were afraid of me. They wanted to beat me, they wanted to nail me on that big pot so badly they didnt care how much they had to spend... they were going to teach me a lesson.

After rebuilding a decent bankroll, i moved money back to poker.com under VoxGibson and began to pay my bills and feed myself and my girlfriend and my cats and my dog and my fish and my rabbit by playing poker.

This was also a very liberating experience from the confounds of being VoxGibson, thats who am in all poker games. I am polite, I am a nice guy, but I do occasionally deliver razor sharp quips, subtle insults a wisp of condescension and have little patience when it comes to morons, I dont usually berate players for their poor play, i usually compliment them on a nice catch.

I am not suggesting all male players create a female alter-ego to go and make bank on any poker table. I'm just using the experiment and example to give you an opportunity to examine how much of your personality costs you money at the poker table, what could you do differently to get that extra BB/per 100.

For women, i suggest you avoid the feelings of girl power, and dont forget everyone is your opponent not just the boys.. Also learn to be more aggressive, not just in your poker play, but verbally and your whole persona at the table...


I hate the saying, "you're stepping over dollars to pick up nickles"
I pick up both

-VG

The Vegas House? THE Vegas House!

So the other day my boy Bullitpete hits me up on MSN to show me The Vegas House he bought with all the money he's won from me over the years. And just to rub it in, the guy invites me over for a home game during the WSOP?! Can you believe it?

Well, he's got another thing coming because not only will I be over for a home game, but considering I've probably paid for 30% (Have I EVER won a coinflip against this guy?) of the place, I'll be staying over and throwing wild parties complete with dancers from The Rhino.

So if you're a cute girl who wants an autograph, check out the Photo Gallery for pictures and an address of where you can find us.

And for all you angry poker players who pete's given bad beats to regularly, don't even think about it. I heard the man keeps a handgun collection on standby at all times.

WSOP '07 Holla.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Burnout

I'm on full blown Hold`em burnout with the release of Full Tilt Poker Beta with super sexy resizable tables I've obviously dedicated myself to 12 tabling 6max NLHE and logging more hours then ever. Despite issues with my client crashing for me (before Beta, so far it's seemed as stable to me) it's excellent but the constant crashing I'm suffering from has cost me @ least $500 a day.

In order to deal with the burnout I naturally started going out more; hanging out with friends, meeting new people, enjoying the fresh air. Well I've been doing that or spending the time I'm not grinding my ass off by jumping back into Stud8 and attempting to teach myself PLO. PLO is like crack and I've been tearing up the low limits and enjoying the hell out of it since I get to play a very Super/System style. This evening I played like absolute shit outside of the HU tables which I beat up on but I ran well and managed to suck out in a couple big pots to end up on the day.

I haven't slept in like 2 days so after I get some rest I'll update some more interesting content.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Play for the set but call the all in. Genius!

So you're in the big blind with any two and it's limped 5 ways, you reraise all in (assume stack size/blinds proportionate) only to get called by a UTG Limper (who you have covered), his 44 holds up vs your JTs. We've all had this happen in low-mid limit, retard infested MTT's, just don't come crying to me about it.

Recently, someone who asked for some MTT help was annoyed about the above scenario. Or that I was advocating not open completing from the SB, or other standard stuff that even below average players would never do. In fact, it spawned an entire discussion.

Apparently, the aforementioned person had been having more success playing wild wacky, let's all take a flop and see who has the best hand poker. That's actually a good way to play if you're being hit in the face with the deck but for the 99.5% of the time when that won't happen, you're f c u k e d.

But daddy daddy, raising only puts me to tougher decisions. No, genius. Raising makes your decisions far more easier. It enables you to gain valuable information, nullifies difficult flops due to chip commitment, and applies pressure on the other guy.

But I saw Phil Ivey open limp/open complete/some other wacky scenario on TV. Yeah? Me too. Phil Ivey also puts the fourth raise in with Q high on flops that miss him by six miles...and it's good. When you can read players and play flops like Ivey, you can do whatever you'd like, but for now, it's probably a good idea to avoid tough decisions. If you can't play 8's on the flop heads up in a raised pot oop, how are you going to play them in a multiway pot where anyone can have any 2? Not to mention you're also defining the strength of your hand unless you're willing to (and I know you're not) limp aces and kings some of the time. Playing solely for the set is a losing move. Not only do you need to read boards to pick off hands worse than yours, you must also get better hands to laydown by repping the set when you miss it some of the time.

Doyle says: going broke in a limped pot is for retards. Threeup and I agree.

(An interesting sidenote: I had this discussion with Barry Greenstien once and he basically seemed to concur with what I've written above though appeared more lenient to the open limp but against weak opposition whereas I'd consider it more effective against stronger opponents where keeping them off balance is key. Nevertheless, rumor is that he's broke now, so going with Doyle's advice is probably the better option.)

But Jay, look at this person. He does this and that and keeps winning. Look, if you take a room full of retards, sit them all at a table, give them a deck of cards and force them to play an MTT, one of them is bound to win it, right? You put these people in front of me and I will bust them all, eventually. It's not because I am so good at poker, that's far from it, and if you've followed this blog you know I am not good at all. It's simply because they are so ridiculously bad, that Threeup can train a malnutritioned chimp to play at a far higher level than they could ever hope to achieve.

It's easily possible to make $200K/yr playing 200NL fulltime but some "winning" players only make a third of that. Why? Because they're awful.

You can suck and still be a winning player. Trust me, I know first hand.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Freerolls = Ipod. Ipod = winner. Holla.

So I recently recieved an Ipod for finishing in the top ten of last season's blogger poker tour on Poker.com.



I was originally planning to give it away to my cousin or someone but then I saw that it was the really tiny nano version.



So I decided to keep it.

Of course I had to test it out in a live game. So much for taking a break from poker?

Results below:



=)

Of course, Team FCUK was represented:

Sunday, February 18, 2007

No Poker. Just movies.

Things haven't been going well in my personal life during the last week... and while I won't get into the exact details, it has been having a severe affect on my poker. My head is just not in it and once again I shot off because of a lack of concentration.

I've decided to take a break and thus had a chance to catch up on some movies:

Freddy got fingered - A must watch for Tom Green fans but far from excellent. I'm a fan of Tom Greens earlier work and not so much his latter stuff which unfortunately this movie happened to have a lot of. It definitely started off slow and I was almost forcing myself to keep watching for the first twenty minutes but it does pick up afterwards and has some genuinely funny lines/scenes. Rip Torn's character was without a doubt the funniest thing about the movie and Torn plays the character very well. Overall, it's in no way a comedic masterpiece but for fans of Tom Green or alternative comedy it's worth watching once. Everyone else feel free to skip it.

Fantastic 4 - What a piece of crap. This movie is not watchable, not even for fans of the comic/cartoon. No, make that especially for fans of the comic/cartoon. The acting is poor, only the dude who plays the human torch did a decent job. Everyone else involved in this movie should leave it off their acting resume. Mr Fantastic and The Thing are not likeable at all. The plot is stupid. Basically the only redeeming thing about this movie was that The Invisible girl was attractive. Watching paint dry would be more entertaining than this movie. Not even worth a rental.

Hard Candy - By far the most entertaining movie out of the three listed here and I'm not even sure if I liked it. I'm not sure if it was supposed to be a thriller or a drama or what but for a thriller it definitely had too many predictable parts. That's not to say that there weren't any surprising twists and turns at all, but they were fewer than I would have liked. The writing was far from perfect, with some scenes that were unrealistic and a disappointing ending. The acting, however, was relatively good for the most part and that alone makes it worth watching. If you plan to see this flick, be prepared for some uncomfortable scenes.

Friday, February 16, 2007

BOOM HEADSHOT

So after months of nagging from my good friend Uncle Jay and an unofficial blog banning I am finally here to introduce myself.

My name is Phreezenet and I have a gambling problem.

Yes, you read correctly. I sit at home exchanging insane amounts of $$$ with a slew of random degenerate gamblers in a game of skill(?) that is known as poker. Oh you've played that game before? I'm going to throw out a wild guess and just assume that you know as much about poker as I do about women. What? You think I have time to coattail the opposite sex when I can fire up the PokerStars.net software and shoot off to the latest Raven Riley romping while I play with world champions at the same time? NiceHand PHREEZENET. Well played.
Now back to what I was saying. You don't know poker unless you are a member of the elite few that sit at home mindlessly tilting away thousands of dollars playing online while simultaneously leveling your WoW character. LEEEEEEEEEEROYYYYYY JENKINS. If by chance you fall into any of the categories mentioned above please consider suicide for society's benefit. I know I have.

So why do I play poker? I play poker for money and I fcuking hate it, both the poker and the money. But mostly the money...and I love that! I lose and I break things and immediately feel great about myself. Or on the off chance that I do win I go to sleep that night and dream about waking up in the morning to immediately boot up and tilt away todays profit.

Hating money does have its advantages. I can now proudly walk up to a group of my college friends and boast "Hey I was up 30k this month and ended even, how are those 28k a yeak job offers coming along?"
Now please don't succumb to all of this banter and actually believe that I make $$$ donkeying around in online poker, it's all rigged and I'm just luckboxing it until Lee decides to throw the killswitch. But even with that, Poker has brought upon some positive experiences in the past 6 months - a 6 figure winner to date and a lucksack satelite into the WPT PCA in the Bahamas. But I'll have to get back to you with the month late PCA post at another time, I'm tired and Friday means a new bangbros video has been posted.

:RideTillyouDie

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

It just snowed in New York.

So I guess that means it's time for an update.

It's 5am, still dark, and as I'm looking through my window at the city covered in light snow two things come to mind: I love New York and I can't wait to go drifting tomorrow.

It's funny, I don't like the extremely humid New York summers or the really cold New York winters but I wouldn't want to live anywhere else in the world. I guess you can say I'm a New Yorker at my very core. With that said, I've been informed of an interesting business opportunity that would see me moving to Canada for a minimum period of six months so I'm sitting here and debating.

Will I be able to tolerate Canada for six months? What if it's longer? And more importantly, will Canada be able to tolerate me?

Meanwhile Threeup suggested that we throw down half a mill for a mansion in South Carolina. Live like kings and throw wild parties with topless coeds in pools of Crystal. Yeah, settle down there P Diddy.

But on to important things like...Valentines Day. To no one's surprise I don't have a valentine (See post below entitled "Why my girlfriend isn't very smart). I did however receive a congratulatory phone call. It came around 12:05am. My friend John decided it would be a good idea to call me up and wish me a "happy Valentine's" all while he was laying in bed with his Girlfriend.

I hate my friends, I really do, but I have to admit it was pretty funny (and disturbing at the same time).

But enough about all that, this is a poker blog right? Poker has been at a stand still. It was pretty much break even until I went on a mini rush for a few sessions and of course forced myself to play everyday. If you're thinking to yourself something along the lines of "well that can't be good" or "you're an f'in idiot" you'd be right. I played more tables than I could handle when not at peak and as a result played extremely poorly for the last couple of days. Add in that I wasn't running well and that's a recipe for disaster:

Yep, I broke even. Fantastic. I hate myself.

See, this is what happens when you have no real cashout method. Instead of forcing myself to donate all profit, I could have cashed out and bought a Rolex.

Speaking of Rolex, Threeup has been talking about buying a USED one for quite some time now. Who the hell buys used watches?! Okay, "pre-owned", whatever. But seriously, the idea grosses me out. If you've ever bought a used watch, please reply in the comment section.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Why I'm smarter than you

This is a post going out to all my friends, and some other random people I don't know, who currently have tens of thousands of dollars stuck in NETELLER and won't be seeing them for quite some time - if ever!

You guys are idiots.

This is exactly why I have never kept money in NETELLER for an extended period of time. Ever. No, I don't have psychic powers or a crystal ball next to my naked girly desk pen, I have common sense. There is no denying that NETELLER was the most preferred, convenient and safest money transferring option but to be totally oblivious to the fact that they can abruptly exit the US market or suffer a worse fate would be downright naive - especially after what happened with Firepay!

To the people who cashed out a few days before they went down and have accidentally had their money frozen, you have my sympathy. To those who kept their funds in NETELLER, you were almost asking for it. Something like this is exactly the reason why I choose to keep most of my money on reputable poker sites rather than sitting in some E-Wallet. The benefit to this far outweighs the inconvenience of having to spend a little more time transferring money from one place to another and then to another rather than just buying chips directly. For example, if need be, I can at anytime (and have before I even knew what NETELLER was) request a check or EFT to my local bank and expect it by weeks end at most.

Now some people may say, why don't you just keep the money in your bank account and then buy chips when you need to? Well, I have a simple rule for that: any money that gets taken off line, never gets put back up. It's something that has been working for me since 2003. If the money leaves my online bankroll, it never goes back in and is usually spent on things I don't remember buying or daily trips to the nudie bar.

So what does all this mean? Should you just keep a bunch of money in random poker sites? No! Quite the opposite! There are very few sites that I trust enough to keep more than 10 buyins for whatever limit I'm playing. In fact, there are only two. In actuality, I either distrust or dislike the majority of poker places and am forced to play/keep money on there only because their players are worse than VoxGibson.

The two sites I have 100% faith in are: Poker.com & PokerStars. To my experience over the years, these two sites have led the way in honesty, integrity and security in the poker world and I trust them enough to hold my money no matter the amount.

Poker.com is a newish but very solid poker room. The dedication management shows to their players is second to none.

PokerStars has flat out the best tournaments and customer support in the business. And it's not even close. They also offer the quickest and easiest player to player transfer option, making them that much better.

I strongly urge all Poker players, professional or not, to open and maintain accounts with both of these sites.







So what about E-wallets and how do we get our money offline? Well, it doesn't look good.

So far I've been dealing with ePassporte and am very unimpressed with them. Briefly, they suck. They lack many of the convenient options that made NETELLER so great. The same can be said for Ecocard. The reason why everyone loved NETELLER was A) because it was accepted by just about everyone and B) support was easily contacted through various methods. Both ePassporte and Ecocard have proven to lack in these areas.

I'll be looking into a few other online processors such as MyATM and eWalletXpress but don't expect them to be much better than ePassporte. Here's to hoping that YouTeller comes along and saves the day for online poker.

Also, we'll have complete reviews of ePassporte and Ecocard posted within a few days or as soon as Threeup finishes writing them. I know he was supposed to have them up earlier but he just won the big HORSE tournament (Nice going bro!) on FTP last Sunday so he gets a get out of jail free card.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Finally closed one out

So yeah, I fucked up Sunday. While Jay blew me up on the phone (God knows why since I only answer for business) I was enjoying myXanax induced sleep. For those who haven't taken it it's pretty decent and produces some of the most peaceful sleep ever. No wonder they use it to keep people from offing themselves. I awoke @ 2:54 with 6 minutes to spare to register for the Poker.com Winter Championship Event and win myself an Aussie Millions seat for next year. Unfortunately as I'm moving my mouse over to register it blackens out because they close registration @ 2:55 and don't let you register for an event that big the night before. I'm a jackass.

I continued on by playing the Bugsy's Club 10k Gaurantee. It's a 50+5 that usually gets about 2500 in overlay and has an excellent format. 10k starting chips and 25/50 blinds and eventually antes get added into the structure where they actually count unlike PS where they're insignficant. The structure is very close to that of the WSOP main event which allows for some practice in the structure and allows for plently of play and a sizable edge for the good player. First place pays 3k though I got 5th for a paltry $600. It's true only one person walks away happy from a tournament. It's a smaller site that's been around for a few years but traffic is on the low side and the buttons on backwards (raise is on the left side and fold is on the right) which caused me to misclick my tourney away the first two times I played but not a bad site.

I finished off the day playing the HORSE tournies on PS and FTP and I played pretty inspired. Made a lot of good reads and some real thin value bets especially in while playing Razz which is a game I've never been able to do so in. I always played very straight forward in it and gave people a lot of credit for having a big hand. Only play I really didn't care for is getting in with split Jacks against what was obviously split Kings to go out 22nd in the Stars. I also missed a bet the hand before against the same person but these things happen. I clenched the W on FullTilt though and pocketed 6660. Nothing exciting really happened that I can recall regarding play but 3 handed the person in 2nd had nearly equal chips to me as with 3rd place seriously short stacked and asked about chopping. I don't chop so I said yes if he wanted to give me 5750 which was +EV for me from an ICM standpoint and he refused. We went back and forth once or twice each having a 5:1 chiplead over the other at some point and I pulled out the win. That puts me almost even on the month =] With rakeback I might even be up. Rakeback pro FTW!

On a couple final random notes: ePassporte still hasn't deposited into my account so I can't verify it and move cash around from site to site without assistance (trading) and I'm not sure how to cashout without it either which is an issue. Also, I haven't been playing a whole lot since my monitor died since it just really killed my motivation though hopefully I'll start-up again soon or at least do something productive with my life....nah.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

I hate myself. And I hate ThreeUp.

So much for winning a WPT seat.

It's 9pm and I just got home. I haven't been home for 24hours. Of course that means I missed every Sunday tournament imaginable - all the big guarantees, the big overlays, the 50k freeroll and of course the only tournament I cared about - Winter Championship main event.

Last night was the birthday of one of my best friends and per our usual norm that means a lot of drinking, partying and debauchary. Yesterday I left the house nearly immediately after I had finished typing up the previous blog post. I woke up at 2:43pm on my friends couch, half nude, with a strange but cute and fully nude girl next to me.

Let me rephrase that, I was woken up at 2:43pm by the smooth melody of the Sopranos theme song - it's what I use for a ringtone on my NEXTEL. Barely understanding where I was or what I was doing there, I flipped open the phone and heard the following:

"Jay, you have 17 minutes to register for the winter championship tournament."
"What? Who is this?"
"It's wong. Register for the tournament."

Suddenly, I understood where I was. Quickly realizing I was about to throw away a WPT seat, BELIEVE THAT CAUSE I WAS WINNING THIS THING, I stumbled around the mess of passed out bodies to look for some sort of a computer while simultaneously calling ThreeUp in hope of him registering me.

"You've reached Mr.Diamond, stripper extraordinaire. Please leave a message after the tone."
Redial.
"You've reached Mr.Diamond, retard extraordinaire. Please leave a message after the tone."
Redial.
"You've reached Mr.Diamond.." Click.

Wouldn't you know it, not only did the jerk not answer his phone but he didn't register himself either. Awesome.

In a scurry to download the software, run the update and register for the tournament...I almost made it. And by almost, I mean I didn't make it at all and nearly threw someone elses laptop through a window.

Why the hell are there no late registrations possible? Better yet, why the hell does the tournament start at 3pm?! Why not the usual 6? Unbelievable. On Saturday they started at 3. Fine. I can understand...but on Sunday? Who's the fool who came up with that start time? Does he or she not realize that people go out on saturday night more than on any other night and usually get home either at the crack of dawn or later? Then there are some of us who pass out at other peoples apartments and need some time to sleep off the alcohol intake? I seriously thought it started at 6 and had my phone set for alarm for 4:45pm - ample time to get home, take a cold shower and win a WPT seat.

After failing to register, I wished wong goodluck and went to finish whatever liqour was left over from last night.

It's a funny thing - I got into poker as a way to escape some of my wilder drinking and partying and it worked out for a bit...but now, poker is getting in the way of my drinking and partying. Ironic, isn't it?

I really didn't mean to get that deep into my personal life because, while it would probably be a better read than whining about sucking in tournaments or how much of a jerk ThreeUp is, it's a tad over the top and would probably offend and shock 95% of readers. And besides, I'm saving it for a book.


- A very irritated Jay