Dudus update is such BS.

He left out all the best and funny parts. I will only write up the real trip report if he agrees to 1. let me write it up in detail & 2. posts the video proof.

Otherwise you'll never know.

Quick summary:

I dropped like 15k running awful.
Dudu's pretty good at live poker.
I hate my life.


That is all.

Ok I will update

Ok... Well I ran great in Vegas.

Well not great but I played great with a some luck.

Me and Jay both had 3-4 losing sessions before one of us had a winning session. ( I had the first winning session - Jay had about 8 losing sessions give or take)

Anyways I played 2-5 with Jay for the first 2 days or so and ran so horribly bad.

The day I move to 5-10 is the day I do well. The 2-5 games are fulllllllll of nits, reason? I have figured it out. All the 2-5 players are in Vegas with their 50c 1$ and 1-2$ rolls and are just so passive about sticking 500+ in a pot without the nuts. Then the 5-10 games full of 2-4 to 10-20 grinders who actually play a little loose with each other, have a roll of over 10K on them and play as such.

So there are 3 or 4 hands I have to share for the trip.

UNO this is my first night on 5-10 abut 5 hours in, I am up a bit but not even close to even for the trip. Then someone puts me in the green!

I have A10o in mid I make it 30$ the button (tighter older guy who has about 5k in bills behind his stack calls) the SB (a guy from the UK but he is dark skinned and throws me off when he talks with an english accent) (and has been 3betting a lot) 3bets OOP to 140. It comes back to me and I make it 440$ and the button flats ????? the 3better folds.

Flop is Ac 9s 7h

I check over to him and he bets 480$

I flat

turn is a 10d rainbow board with 4 cards out

I check and he grabs all his cash and throws it in

I instantly announce all in and he calls and turns AK over and I scoop the pot worth 11K+ with top 2

yay I won a good pot finally after like 3 days.



Later in the night, the UK guy and I have been drinking for a looooong time. We are drunk and I have a good read on him, not a beer goggles read where I don't really have a read, I do have a solid read.

This hand happens.

I have A10d in mid (again) I raise, he 3bets me from the SB (again) and I flat, about 300 in the pot so far)

flop Qd 2h 2c

He checks I fire 240$

He calls

Turn is a 5s

he checks I fire 350 he makes it 1,000

I flat

River comes 9c

Before any action happens because he is stalling badly I tell him to check over to me and Iwill bet 1k and he can just fold and be done.

The dealer says this is binding so he checks I bet 1k and he ships in for 8500$ and Ihave him covered

OOOOOK no I don't insta fold this. I have him on a stone cold bluff due to the fact he has his face staring striaght down and he is not moving (which is my read with tons of evidence) (I know you wanted a more subtle read but I didnt have one)

I tank for a good 5-8 minutes. I rationalize that he can be bluffing with AJ AK which are good, any 5, and possibly a 9.

I swear to you if I had any pair here I make the call, even 66 77 I call, 33 44 I may toss.

I end up foldng and he tables 56o ( a stone cold bluff but a hand that beat me he could be stone cold bluffing with... Sadly...)


Next night, I am playing 5-10 late and I am drunk, up about 8K for the session

Utg makes it 40$ next action makes it 150$ 2 down the line makes it 600$ I look down at Q8c and I announce 2100$ back to UTG who ships and the other 2 fold (this makes me like my play for some reason.... sicne I got the 3 and 4bet out, but who knows if one ships if utg folds)

Anyways I had to call another 1300$ and change to try at a 7k pot.

Flop Qs 8s 2s

yahtzee!

turn 9s

eh I could still be ahead

river - 5s

eh I can chop now?

KsKh scoops

This kid who wins the pot starts talking mad shit to me after this, just being extremely out of line, I said nh, nothing else during the hand but anyways this starts some sparring.

We spar in a lot of pots.

This the worst of the pots we played for me.

Ihave 97o in the BB he is early like UTG +2 and is raising my BB every round

he opens 60$ one call on the button I call

flop Qc 8h 6h

I check - douche bets 150$ button folds I call

turn is 5s (nuts!)

I check - douche bets 550$

I tank for about 45 seconds before putting 1400$ in

Then this kid just glares at me (like he has been doing in every pot like he is a bad ass)for about 2 minutes before going "IM ALL IN"

and I immediately announce "I call with the nuts" as I am turning my hand in the process.

river 7s

he picks his cards up and slams down 98o for a chop pot.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

like 11K-12K in this pot... soooo sick.

Annnnd the last pot I played worth mention.

Just because I am so pleased with my call here.

I have A3o in the cutoff I make it 40$ button 3bets me to 130$ and I come along.

flop is 3d 5d 7h

I check he bets 250$ I call

turn is a 4s

I check he ships in for like 900$ and I tank and make the call with bottom pair no draw

he mucks on a 9d river (he had 23spades)

ship ship.


I got bled on during the trip, I am sure Jay will publish that unfortunately for me.

I am running shitty since I have been back but I will cry later.

Au revoir!

Vegas

Ton's of stuff to write about but I don't feel like it so I'll keep it brief.
3:30 am

Just finished packing for vegas. Flying in tomorrow, meeting up with dudu who's coming in 2 hours before me.

Depeche bailed out on us. Pussy.

Cadderly, the fat Danish will be there, so that should be fun. Couple of girls from NY flying in too.

Bought myself a bunch of $125 t-shirts. Don't know why. I went to buy jeans and didn't buy a single pair. Great.

I picked up 4 girls on saturday night in the span of 2 hours. Two in the span of 10 minutes and they were right next to each other. Decent night's work.

We have, in mixed order:

1. A waitress - lots of points for this one. She's cute, a waitress (nightlife service very difficult to pick up usually) and has a boyfriend. Short, blonde.

2. A dental assistant - cute, I can't judge her body...one of those have to see her naked or in different clothes chicks. Has a nose ring so deducting points there but pleasant girl. Blonde

3. A stripper, i think - She hasn't told me she's a stripper yet but I'm pretty sure she is. Decent looking, great body. Marginal personality. Tall.

4. Unknown - not very attractive while sober, unknown body but educated guess leans towards a negative. Only picked her up because I was winging for a dood I knew who was hitting on her much much much omg so much uglier sister. Don't know what he was thinking. Chick gave me her number while witnessing me kick game to the waitress. Cool. If she's down like that, I'm all for it. Tall.

Dropped 11 dimes fathers day playing 10-20. Ran bad, played bad. Figure I shoulda lost about 6. Bluffed a bunch of big pots and got looked up but don't really regret any of the plays. Played bad in the medium pots and non showdown.

Played 50k 3 weeks in a row. God what an easy tourny. Ft'd once, cashed the other 2x.

Last one ran my AA into KK, Board came xxK, turn A, river K. Meh, 2 tables left i win that pot, i win prob win the tournament. They are just so bad.

Busted TT vs 99 when appropriately the 9 flopped.


Now I can't decide between calling the stripper and going to sleep.

Our readers suck.

J

I can teach a blind deaf mute how to pick up women.

The title says it all.

Running Colllllld

Well I was running good pre Vegas and for a couple days after Vegas. But now I am just ice cold.

I have been playing poorly also and playing poorly and running poorly = disaster.

I have especially been playing bad vs Jerry. But I think I have my head straight again. Hopefully.

Ummmmmm I am on a whoppin 5 hockey teams now. So I may be in shape soon, but I won't quit smoking!

But seriously I am running REALLY bad.......

I am back... and slow

So Vegas was not too shabby, a couple of players from PDC out there, no cash players though. LTUFlawless and Sliekas. Both difficult to understand at times but nice fellas. Sliekas was my drinkin buddy, guy is a trooper.

Poker side of Vegas, didn't get into event 4, prob glad I didn't though I would have just donked out anyways. I played a 1500$ PLO event, which my AA92 with one suit got busted when I got my last 24 BB in pre (which was avg stack anyways) vs KKJJ one suit. I was slight favorite at like 61-39 but didn't manage to squeak on by.

The cash games were good once again, though there were two nights I was way too drunk to be playing and those two nights cost me roughly 3500$ and another night, beyond the tables cost me over 3K which was a bad bad night..... Strip club rocked my world. All I want to reminisce about that.

Had some other good nights though and ended up down about 3k for the trip thanks to some crafty roulette play and 2 good nights on 2-5. And my only 5-10 session was a bad drunk night where I was up well at 2-5 then the 5-10 game finally got enough players to run so I moved and just gave my $$ away.

Why wasn't I playing 5-10 in Vegas? Well I played at the MGM cause it was walking distance, and last year had a soft 5-10 going every time I went in, I guess since it was early in the series it was not as happening, though the games were insanely soft 5-10 only snapped off twice while I was there.

Debating going back out later this month but it is doubtful. I figure I will prob find a house to rent/own undecided yet on that, own sounds better but for my complex situation I don't think it is. Tax man would find me super quick if I buy, so I gotta get some shit straight with a quickness. Then I prob won't have enough money to even think about buying but oh well. Dead end street for anothe year I guess. And also buying a new vehicle soon. Yay.

Ummm, have not played too much since I have been back, I played a few drunk sessions from Vegas and turned up about 13K somehow, which I will gladly take so the past week hasn't been all bad.

Now I am on 4 hockey teams coming up in 2 weeks or so, so I am going to be super busy with that 4-5 days a week sometimes. But I could always use the excercise.

Ummm nothin else really I see Jay has given up posting... bastard..

WSOP Tomorrow, HOOT DANG!

Well I feel I am going underrolled out to Vegas, not over all roll just what I am taking, 10K will it last me? I hope so, I plan on playing 3 events.

Event 4 then there is another holdem and a 6max I want to play, or I may blow the 6max off and play a 2500$ Holdem instead since I imagine my 6max live could use some work with high antes and stuff being ridiculous I don't trust myself to have perfect timing for 3 days to win that. Where as I can kind of know my range on a 9 handed table for tourney play and expect more fish to be signed up for 9 handed tables.

Staying in the shitty ole Tropicana but I got 7 nights for like 340$ which is cool, despite it being the worst casino I could possibly be in.

Jay is bitching out, refusing to go pretty much because he is a prepubescant female who is afraid of being made fun of for the way he stacks his chips. He can barely stack up a 1-2 buyin (40 5$ chips) in his little nerd stacks of 10 because he has never won more than a few hundred bucks and doesn't realize that nerd stacks won't fit in your area on a good night very often.

There will be a few of the MTT players from .com out there, but not ring game players that I know of, though we don't talk really because none of us really talk to each other unless we are drunk (or if I am and forcing conversation via an online table because I... well, am drunk)

Since I haven't posted in a while, I guess I will brag about my last 8-10 days or so. I am on fucking fire. Just murdering when I really am not even playing all that much. I prob logged 50 hours over 8 days (which for poker standards is next to nothing at time) mostly 5-10 HU or 6max with some 2-4 and 3-6 (though I feel like I have booked losses in 2-4 and 3-6 during this time, or just barely running over) and would be willing to bet that I was running 20-25BB/100 hands profit. So I would say I logged 15K hands during the 8days and was up right at 30K for that span, which is elite. DaveGK one of those guys who helped... Fkin Davey....

So I'll be in Vegas for 8 days, and I will try to get an update in here, but no promises since I will probably be playing poker/drunk/or fighting with a prostitute on how much I owe her.

Grimstarring me is a bad idea if you're a HU reg!

So there's this dude who once stole my blinds a couple of times at a HU table and then sat out and said he didn't want to play me...so of course as pay back I now sit at every one of his HU tables whenever I see him on...he sits out and keeps telling me to leave, that he'll report me, that I'm an ahole...you know...the usual. It's moderately funny. I wonder how many people have reported me for constantly sitting at their HU tables non stop...

Anyhow... I was blocking at all his 2-4 & 3-6 tables so he went to 1-2 and I sat at those too. He eventually left but I had them open and was playing like 3 6max's and 1HU other than those.

So some guy sits down at my 1-2HU table and we start playing...and I'm not paying much attention but he's pretty aggro and 3bets quite a bit. Anyway one hand we played where I cr'd AI w/ AK into kings in a 3bet pot and sucked out. So I guess he was a little mad and was playing even more aggro. Anyhow he wins his buyin back and we keep going and then this happens:

Eff stacks were maybe around $250 or something

He opens OTB
I 3bet 27o
He calls
Flop comes like A2Xr
I cbet
He calls
Turn 7
I opt to check (loL, but bear w/ me)
he checks back
riv is Q no draws got there
so I bet like 89 into 105 or something along those lines
he then raises all in for like another 50 more.
I call so he can show me AQ and I can whine about how bad I play except he shows me 36cc for no pair. He then proceeds to chastise me about 3betting 27o for like the next 20minutes which I found ridiculously amusing.

Of course he ended up winning all his money back and some of mine so go figure.

A funny moment in time:

Last night I was driving home on a rather popular street and I guess I was driving a little too fast cause some dood who was standing next to a truck at a stop light, talking to someone inside it, started running away to the sidewalk as I was approaching the light. So I decide to be a nice guy and not even pull up all the way to the light, leaving room for this guy to talk to his friend.

They finish up and I creep up to the light. It goes green, and I normally drive off...which I guess normally for me is a little faster than most people. Anyway this dude in the truck keeps staying side by side motioning for me to roll down my window. Okay.

Turns out to be this huge rednecky looking guy who appears to be zooted out of his mind.

Redneck: "This truck got balls!"
Jay: [blank look]
Redneck: "You wanna race?"
Jay: "Nah, your truck's too heavy"
Redneck: "C'mon. Let's bet. This truck got balls!!!"
Jay: "How much?"
Redneck: "A bag of yayo"
Jay: "I don't need yayo."
Redneck: "Me either. You can give it to your friend or somethin'"
Jay: "How much money you got on you?"
Redneck pulls out a bunch of singles and fives and stuff and starts counting.
Jay: "Never mind. Alright, let's go."

So of course I don't even launch control and just blow him away from the light, dart between two cars and slow down cause I see a cop car waiting to make a U turn. A few moments later this fool comes barreling down past me in his enormous suburban. Yep, you guessed it...sirens and lights and pulling over to the side.

There goes that bag of yayo I was going to win.

Let this be a lesson to all you kids: Don't do drugs. Also don't buy huge suburbans and then try to race against sports cars designed for precision handling at high speeds.

The internet pokerz

Do you pricks see how much I love my readers? Count it, not one but TWO updates in one day!

So since I've talked about playing like a retard at teh live pokerz...here's some online retardation for you:

I'm so freaking tired I don't know why I decided to play instead of doing more favorable activities...like sleeping. Anyway, being tired my brain is barely working. This is what you get when you go to lift and do back for an hour, then go to a hardcore muay thai workout for two hours and polish it off by drinking till 8 am and challenging people to quarter flips. Welcome to my life.

Anyway, since my brain is done for, I just played like a passive fishbag, misplaying some hands and costing myself value. Oh wells.

Then I lost some flips and gout 3 outed. Oh wells.

Played 2 sort of interesting hands:

H1:

Villain: Random card runner subscriber - this is my new name for mediocre players who watch videos from mediocre instructors or never grasp concepts from the good ones yet still try to pull off deep moves without understanding them. What does this mean? They suck. On to the debauchery!

5handed
Effective 400ish
I open X,X in SB.
BB calls
7d9s2c
std cbet he pops me, yeah. this will work. I repop him. he tanks and calls.
Turn Kd
I ship about the pot +/- 10%
He insta calls and rolls over K5hh
Sure. Soul read. Qhigh no good.


H2:

HU
700ish effective

Random card runners subscriber open limps OTB
I check my option
KdTdAh
I check call his $4
Turn Jd
I check call another $12 holding a small diamond
River Qc
I check, he bets $40
I tank and make it $115 to go
He tanks and makes it $235 total
I tank and obv ship it in for $587 more
He snap calls with 5 high and we pay the rake

Soul read again! How can I suck so much? Is there no end to my sucking?

On the brighter side of things, the J1's are coming soon. For those of you who don't know, a J1 is a student work visa that many young foriegn ladies use to travel to the us for summer employment. Many of these ladies choose to make NYC their temporary home and it is here where they search for a financially secure gentleman who will make them his wife and thus help secure a green card and relief from potential deportation.

Most of these bimbos come from small poverty stricken cities in Europe and will do pretty much anything for even the vague illusion that someone may wed them to secure that almighty U.S. citizenship. And, coincidentally, I know just the sexual deviant to take full advantage of these desperate women!

Open the flood gates, I'm ordering another 100 piece sampler from condomania!


J

Drunk pokers

I'm such a tard when I get drunks and play teh live pokers. I start check calling flops and turns and check raising the river with any 2 cards. Do you know how often that works in live poker? 0%

Plus I run around like a retard and tell people I will flip them for all the money that's in my pocket...which is usually a couple of G's. I pretty much will flip them for it but they usually back down and there's just something amusing about trash talking poker players backing down from a 6-8k coin flip.

Then I start slurring my words and tell people how good I am at poker and how I play onlinez and will play any of them heads up. They just tell me that I'm a "good player" and decline any heads up shennenigans or stop speaking to me but only after they ask for my stars & fulltilt names.

Then we start penis measuring by name dropping who we know or don't know in the poker world. I tell people I know duduweewee, they tell me they know guys like [insert some inept jackass who got 15 minutes of fame on espn when he won a seat to the main event in his home game and who's name no one even remembers]. Oh, and ivey. They all know ivey. Ivey's their fcuking best friend. They've played with him on X/XX/XXXX (usually it's when he was still living in jersey so it's like 1865). Funny how they remember playing with ivey in some 15-30 stud game 150 years ago and that he wore a red hat and a black shirt and blue jeans. And that he had a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich for breakfast and brushed his teeth starting from the left side first and of course that he is "a good player". Actually, it's not funny...it's tragic.

Of course, not to be out done I start telling people that I used to play in 5-10 games with durrrrrrrrrrrrr way back. See? I'm cool too. "Oh, durrrrrr? Yeah I saw him on HSP. He's a good player". Of course! Then they give me this serious face and what I have dubbed the 'nod of approval'...you know that little up and down head shake as if I'm asking for permission to join their exclsuive ahole club. Little do they know I'm the mfking president of the ahole club!

One day I'm going to run into someone who's good at heads up who will bust me or someone who's good at fighting who will just beat me up once I get outside.

I can't wait.

All this after 2 vodka shots, 2 tequila shots, 1 cognac, 4 or 5 whiskeys and 3 heinikens. My alchohol tolerance has turned into that of a little girls. I blame 3up. He told me I am an alchoholic and I should cut down. So I did. This is what happens. I'm still drunk at 4pm and I just woke up.

Live poker: A life time of memories and -$450 cause I'm too drunk to fold on pair'd boards when it's obvious the guy has me beat. Almost folded. Pretty sure I'd have folded if I was sober but meh... whatever I've done waaaaaaaaay worse.

A win? The hell you say.

I guess hell must have frozen over because I actually won $$ yesterday/today.

Played 2 seperate marathon sessions.

Session 1: Was down like 5k early, then up 3, then broke even. Meh.

Several hours later...

Session 2: Finally ran good for a change, +7k or something along those lines. See what happens when I win some flips and don't get 3 outed?

Play: I can't really assign a letter grade since it fluctuated from really bad to bad to borderline break even. I'm still not happy w/ it. Definitely played better session 2 than 1 but I didn't play as well as I'd have liked anyway. I'm way out of practice 6-7 tabling w/ like 3 heads up games and such.

I'm sure a few interesting hands were played but I played so many hands, I don't remember any of them. I've learned everyone likes to look me up 3 streets with bottom pair, so that's cool. Also, people put themselves in terrible spots oop vs me. Also cool. Now if only I can turn some scare cards that don't complete villians' hands.

I wrote several far more interesting blog DRAFTS which I've yet to finish so I'll probably combine them into one post later.

At the moment I'm trying to get a party house in the hamptons. Ballinnnn

J

Boyyyy ohhhh boyyyyyy

Jay, DaveGK was dead. He came scrambling along with 200$ playing tighter than I have ever seen him (prob a 200$ deposit roughly) and he tripled and ran off. So he was dead, he gambled and is back in black for a few days prob.

About that RC plane I bought. Fuck me....

So I bought a 300$ plane delivered.

It comes in the mail, no remote OR MOTOR so I go to the store, drop 700$ on the motor (which I almost spelled moter) and the remote and the "servos"

Well ok so now I am in for 1K on this fucking thing. So I do the flight simulator they have, and I suck so I buy another plane for 250$ to dick around with, I shit you not I had that son of a bitch in flight for 6 seconds before I hit a powerline (yea I know don't fly around powerlines) well I have a road and a runway leading into a large field by the house I reside in and I didn't quite make it. So now I am 1300$ deep in flying these fucking money pits and I haven't even flown yet OR ASSEMBLED THIS FUCKING MONSTER I BOUGHT. The other one will be bad ass when it's done, has a 71" wingspan and a 22CC motor (125? for RC planes) but turned out roughly a 22CC motor which is pretty stout for an RC plane I guess.

I haven't been playing poker hardly and when I do I am drunk usually and losing and I am hating it blah blah I played live and got bored and snapped for 1500$ on a 2-5 game, all in one hand where the guy literally checkraises his AA for like 1400$ (yea I knew he had AA/KK I wont run the hand) but I flopped top pair told him I was going to suck out and I didn't and I hate poker for now.

I wanna win the powerball!

Seriously this blog URL says it all

FUCK MONEY, I just piss anything I make away and it seems to be a never ending cycle.

When will I learn?

Brief poker update, or rather more whining.

I've been playing badly. Really badly. Like I don't remember when I've played this bad badly. If you know me, then you know I pretty accurately describe how I've been playing after any given session....and well I've been awful.

But no matter how bad I've played, I've ran far far worse. Playing as badly as I have, I should have broken even/slight winner as opposed to taking losses.

If I get it in way ahead, I either chop or lose. I fall short on the coin flips, and I haven't sucked out when I've been behind.

Also I was 1 outed again. Weeeeeee. This makes 2x in what? like 2 weeks?

Not to mention the 3 outer after 3 outer. Bleh.

Oh and dudu, as for your friend DaveGK...he's not dead or busto...I've been boosting his roll because Aces can't hold vs flush draws.

Ohhh DaveGK Where Art Thou?

Anyone seen him? I haven't he went broke before May as I told him April 30th was the last time I have seen him. Poor fella had a hell of a ride atleast. Some good times, some bad times and hes gone.

New on the hitlist- NoShoke- guy won't play me ever, won't play me, won't play me. So I run him off a 6max and get a fish, Shoke comes back I stack off to shoke twice nearly drawing dead. And he binks a couple other cards on me (I binked a nice one to double through him once also) regardless I lost 3500 to him while Jay is beating him up on another 6mx HU so Jay busted him and this happens..

Shoke has 5500 on my table, and 0 on Jays..... This son of a bitch is killing me! I am tilty! Jay is playin solid and Shoke is paying for it.

So here let us all pretend we are Shoke for a second.

Ok I am beating DADuhWEEwah right now pretty easily cause he is tilty and not running well.
JayNYC is beating me up running well and I am running poorly.

Ok So I don't have enough to reload into JayNYCs table unless I leave the table I am cleaning house at.

Ok I am going to play JayNYC and watch some gay porn I guess.

Fuck you Jay. Though I go make food and Jay tries to give him to me and Jay sits out Shoke runs off and that was that.

Closes my table so he could reload and give Jay some more... blah

My hockey team is on a 3 game winning streak. WE MIGHT MAKE THE PLAYOFFS!


I bought a 300$ RC Airplane online when I was bored

Along with a 300$ pair of shades and some other shit I probably don't need.

Dead owls don't give a hoot

Unexpected blog post!

Well, I wasn't planning to write a blog but this just has to be said...

What the fuck is wrong with TV? Why is it that every good show, once it becomes popular, has to be absolutely butchered until it goes from being fantastic to absolutely awful?

Will someone please tell me why the fuck the new season of Rescue Me sucks so freaking much? It's unwatchable. Every week I download the new torrent expecting to see the brilliance of the previous 4 seasons and every god damn week I am disappointed more than the previous.


This was the only show I liked since entourage has become such a flaming pile of piss...

Holy shit I am fucking pissed. Fuck you Dennis Leary, how the fuck could you have let this happen? Asshole.

I am quitting drinking......

Yes I am doing it, I am sick of stumbling to my computer drunk at 3 AM and losing 2-15K every fucking time. Last nights was 5K and that is the last fucking straw. I have to quit drinking until I get a breathelizer on my computer. Which still allows me to look at porn, but not log into my poker sites. Until this is made I am done drinking!

Nobody likes bullitpete. Why am I not surprised?

LOL @ the comments to dudu's post...

Anyway,

So I played for more than 2 hours for the first time in...oh say...like 2 months...in fact I played about 6 hours...6 tabling 2-4. So I get stuck 3400$ in the first 90 minutes or so. Who's surprised? Raise your hands. Yeah, I wasn't surprised either. Anyway so I end up playing for 6 hours to get back in the black and learn the following:

1. Games are incredibly good! I was actually surprised to find games this good on a wednesday night
2. I'm not happy with the way I played. Yeah I'm a bit rusty but I played pretty bad. SHould have won a lot more than I did. Meh. At least I shook some rust off.
3. I was going to record the session but ended up not starting camtasia because I didn't think I was going to play for more than an hour since I had plans to workout...yeah. I don't know why I wrote this, but I figure the people who actually visit this site want to know every single detail of my life.

And speaking of my life and working out...those morons renovating my gym are taking an awfully long time. It's been a month since I've lifted and I feel weak. I think I've lost 5lbs. This is not good for the summer.

Oh, before I forget...the whining:

I played shorter session last week or something...booked a nice solid -7k or so. Ship the 3200$ 1 outer to the swede who runs so so good against me...

I haven't been 1 outed in a while...but I did 1 out someone recently so I guess it's all relative...I even have the HH saved...



But generally, unlike dudu who runs like god 24/7, I'm running pretty bad.


It's almost 1am and I have to wake up at 5 to go to the auto auction tomorrow to buy like 4 cars. Bleh. Isn't this why I started playing poker? To not wake up at 5am for road trips to PA? I guess it's okay since I might buy something for myself as well...

This post sucks. But I'm tired and I've already written it.

Dudu butchers Ron Burgundy.

Oh and dudu: Stop telling fish that they are fish. TIA.

And if you don't know what to write about on your next blog entry, try telling everyone how much better your game has gotten since you've been talking to me on AIM for the last year. Maybe someone will be stupid enough to buy lessons from me. Just leave my mega tilting I do out of it.

No Title

Sooo I got my Suzuki Samurai out on Monday, it was kick ass, great land etc etc. Thought we were going to roll it once but managed not to. No need in going into detail on that since I am a piss poor writer it would be useless.

District 5 hockey HAS A FUCKIN WIN NOW!!!!!!!! BOOM

Ummmm, poker has been ok, I get my teeth kicked in live now... But my PDC roll is on an upward stint since dropping to baseball2k7, almost pitiful the way I had to build it but hey live and learn I guess. (though pitiful on how I had to build it, impressive on how fast I did build what I have)

PDC won't let a good player win a live seat... I swear, some noob wins it.

Now I am going to tell a story, a little story about a player named DAVEGK

DAVEGK is a PDC player, or one of the skins. He started off April like any other guy, playing 5$ tourneys, 10$ sitgos, and probably 10c 25c cash games....

Dave woke up one Sunday in mid April and used a coupon that he won to play the 50K Tourney on PDC, Dave strikes for 4000$ and Dave is happy! So happy he proceeds to 2 table 5-10 NL

Dave loves to talk, about how good he plays, and how he has been around for a long time playing stakes like these. But we all tell Dave he is full of shit, and he has no clue what he is doing. He is a fish to say the least, he walks on water calling 3bets with A7o 970 and the likes. He flops pairs, 2 pairs, trips and sometimes even straights! And he continues to think this is how easy poker is, as if everyone else at the table has no balls to continue further with 2 pair, or a straight so he thinks he bluffs everyone out I guess.

As many times as I can remind Dave that he is legally retarded if he thinks he is going to last long playing higher limits, he refuses to think he is a bad player. I have a feeling Dave is about 30-35 years of age, recently divorced, and finding himself doing drugs like methamphetamines.

Oh did I mention Dave won a WSOP seat the following week? Sigh....

Anyhow, Dave has not cooled off just yet, but he will. I told him I would give him 8K for his seat when he goes broke, and he said "but its worth 12,500" and I said "but youll be broke and desperate, just find me" Dave says "I will never go broke" I said "you will be broke before mid May"

I hope you all enjoyed my official worst blog post ever.

You stay classy San Diego

Many posts of my idiocy await!

I've done lots of dumb things recently and as soon as I have the desire to write them up...they will be posted.

You know what gives Jay the desire to entertain his vast legion of fans (yes all 3 of you)? Money. Naked pictures of your wives or girlfriend. Offerings of first born children. You get the picture.

FCUKMONEY @ Gmail.com

Oh, I must mention something that dudu and I were reminiscing about recently...

Last years WSOP he, myself and some other people all went to eat at The Wynn...anyway as we're sitting there eating...the one and only Annette_15 (picture below) walks by. I take a moment to point this out and dudu goes absolutely nuts:






WHAT!? ANNETTE_15?!! NO WAY DUDE. THATS NOT HER! WHERE WHERE? YOU'RE LYING!

Anyway, for the next 15 minutes he proceeds to run around like a chicken without a head while loudly proclaiming his undying love for anette.

It was kind of sad and funny at the same time. So, anette, if you're reading this blog, I advise you to stay away from one Dudu McWeeWee.

Oh, is anyone else NOT surprised dudu's hockey team didn't win a single game all season? NOT ONE GAME!

If you're stupid, then I am an ahole.

So you may or may not know I sold my car last month...well if you've ever sold a car you know that about 95% of the people who call you about the car are useless, stupid and illogical...but my absolute favorite was this guy who called yesterday:

Ring ring

Jay: "Yo"
Caller: "Hi yes, im uhh, calling about the car.." [I cut him off]
Jay: "It's been sold"
Caller: "Oh...uhh...really...well...uhh...how much did you sell it for?"
Jay: "Five thousand."
Caller: [At this point he get excited] "What? That is very cheap...why so cheap?"
Jay: "Well, the guy who bought it had his wife and daughter take turns blowing me."
Caller: "Asshole!" Then he hangs up.

Dude sounded like he was in his late 30's.

Sure. If you must be stupid, I must be an asshole. Life's unfair.

In other, far sadder and almost tragical news, a reader has compared this blog to...wait for it...ANDREW WIGGINS. My life, as I know it, is now over. This is one of the worst things anyone has ever said about this blog or as a reference to anything pertaining to me. Frankly, the only reason that I have not yet slit my own throat is the tiny shred of hope that the awful person who made this horrific remark somehow miraculously skipped over all posts written by me and made this comparison only referring to the drivel provided by 3up and dudu. For the sake of my own sanity, let us hope that I am right.

Now if you'll excuse me, I am off to cry and hope that I drown in my own tears.

Okie Fuckin Dokie

Ill post again, its been a long time, lots of roller coaster swings.... Idk what the fuck I am doing lately.

Lets see, after my last post which was prob about a month ago (sorry) I spewed off almost 20K to a feller named Baseball2K7, this fuckhead british dude that I tilt to more than anyone I have ever tilted to in my life. I ran like shit and he ran like god wins every single race, coolers me preflop, I tilt he reaps the rewards.

So I took a couple day break, came back wanted to rebuild safely, kept testing the tables and every time I sat on any ring game I lost. Pick up any hands and they get cracked, so I was running like shit ok fine... I play HU sitgos last 10 days or so, and some scarce cash (which seems to be going a bit better now) So I will jump back in to the ring games soon. Doing ok on the HU sitgos, picked up about 6K back through .coms small tourneys and HU sitgos.

Cake was goot when I was cold on PDC. I ran up a storm playing MTTs and some cash, gone cold in cash so now I am only playin MTTs on Cake.

Im even reckless and put 600$ (yea big dep I know) on AP to play some tourneys, 1st in the 50R for 4400$ and some 1-2 - 5-10 HU added another 4K to my roll so now I am kind of rolled there. So everything looking back to normal healthy on poker againt atleast.

Oh did I mention I spewed 13K off to Baseball2k7 in ONE SESSION ON 5-10! I was hammered, I even had to sit out to puke from my alcohol consumption at one point, focusing on a monitor makes me sick when I am hammered. Fuckhead.... He has ratpacked all of that I am sure. Though I hope he lost it to someone even though this would mean I won't get a chance at him.

Life news, our hockey team blows. Sorry fellas. We lose every game almost. I joined an indoor soccer team, soccer does suck but we get absolutely anhiliated before every game and I have 2 buddies who are really good at soccer so we win every game.

I keep buying stupid shit online... stuff I don't really need. IE tshirts with retarded sayings on them "You can read this fine if we 69" (written upside down) now who would wear that? Apparently I thought I would so I bought it. Along with several other shirts but that one the most useless in my opinion (though it is a hoody) (that I buy when it starts to warm up?)

I buy random movies I never watch, I buy clothes and shoes that don't even fit because I am too lazy to go to the mall. I am just reckless with money.

My bar tabs never come out to less than 150$ (and usually run to 300-400$)because I have this nasty habit of buying anyone in seeing distance a shot every time I want one.

I am almost out of absinthe, nothing good has come from this product, this is what I was drinking when I tossed baseball2k7 that bulk chunk. But yet I will probably buy more....

I started taking vitamins. Hangovers are wayyyy less horrible than they formerly were, YAY!

I am reading tax books. Slooooooowly..... rock on

Montpelier VT is the only state capitol in the US without a McDonalds!!!!!!!!

The cost of living in NYC:

If you accidentally forget your condoms, that you ordered from condommania, at home. It will cost you $5 to buy 3 trojans from a grocery on christopher street. And no contrary to what many of you may think, I do not routinely visit christopher street...it was just the first street I saw with a grocery on the corner.

There is a XXX version of this story which you have to be on my aim list to listen to. Or maybe I should just make a blog dedicated to my love life. The first post would say..."so I induced a chicks period to day..." If you've ever done that, you know what color your hand/other organs become...[insert captain picard facepalm pic]


F MY LIFE

J

I'm an alchoholic.

On Saturday night, I pass up an invitation to a strippers birthday party ( all of her friends are strippers too) to get drunk with my uncle.

What is wrong with me?

I Am A 7th Street God

Full Tilt Poker Game #11445290912: $200 + $10 Heads Up Sit & Go Table 1 - 60/120 Ante 10 - Limit Razz
Seat 1: Villain (1,083)
Seat 2: Hero (1,917)
Villain antes 10
Hero antes 10
*** 3RD STREET ***
Dealt to Villain
Dealt to Hero
Villain is high with
Hero brings in for 20
Villain completes it to 60
Hero calls 40
*** 4TH STREET ***
Dealt to Villain
Dealt to Hero
Hero bets 60
Villain calls 60
*** 5TH STREET ***
Dealt to Villain
Dealt to Hero
Hero bets 120
Villain calls 120
*** 6TH STREET ***
Dealt to Villain
Dealt to Hero
Hero checks
Villain bets 120
Hero calls 120
*** 7TH STREET ***
Dealt to Hero
Hero bets 120
Villain raises to 240
Hero calls 120
*** SHOW DOWN ***
Villain shows J,9,7,4,A
Hero shows T,9,6,4,3
Hero wins the pot (1,220) with T,9,6,4,3
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 1,220 | Rake 0
Seat 1: Villain showed and lost with J,9,7,4,A
Seat 2: Hero showed and won (1,220) with T,9,6,4,3

But Jay doesn't want to buy a piece of me so I can play the 10k HORSE SCOOP. WTF?

My life is such a joke.

It's like a never ending comedy/drama everytime I leave the house. I wish I had a camera crew following me around 24/7 to record all the idiotic stuff that I do...I mean that happens around me.

J

P.s. This blog sucks. Maybe depeche will write up our saturday night.

P.p.s According to http://www.humanforsale.com I'm worth a couple mill. Holla!

This deserves its own post:

MILFS

LOL

Jay

I have returneth!

Bask in the glory that is my existence!

What a trip...I met...rednecks of all sorts of shapes and colors. White rednecks, brown rednecks, black rednecks, girl rednecks, more girl rednecks. Even more girl rednecks! Midget rednecks, hillbilly rednecks (uh, what?) Northern rednecks (what?x2)

I met some NYC! chicks! NYC chicks craaaaaaaaave me. Ask depeche. Even in vegas, in a club that is full of local hookers, I find 3rd grade school teachers from NY. In florida, amongst rednecks upon rednecks, I find a pair of Italian chicks from westchester. A blonde and a brunette. The brunette forces herself on the Blondie, then proceeds to have me squeeze both their asses to figure out which one's is firmer. Later she gets drunk and tells me about her boyfriend, the love of her life, then, exactly 30 seconds later, proceeds to suck my face like it was the neck end of a beer bottle. Then I pushed them on stage, too bad they ran off. I'd probably need a whole post to accurately describe what transpired with us and these two. However the best thing about them was I convinced them to do shots with me...so we, the 3 of us, bought a round each. Anyway, they can't drink straight vodka so they begged me to get something softer...I, of course, ignore their pathetic requests and order goose (redneck bars don't have quality vodka, so this was pretty much my only choice unless I wanted to drink camel piss)...they can't drink it...so I end drinking 9 shots for the price of 3. And people say I don't know a good deal when I see one!

My favorite thing has to be when we were cruisin the streets at 3am and found a redneck boy/girl on a bicycle that sang us russian lesbian (Tatu) love songs and offered us some marijuana. I'll save this for a later post.

3up would have died from alcohol poisoning in the first 2 hours.
Depeche would have called us all retarded and flew home early.
dudu would have passed out and slept in the bathtub, trunk, side walk, random puddle of urine, and pretty much anywhere else and I'm sure he would have gotten lost for the duration of the trip only to show up at the airport and ask us where we've been for the last 5 days.


So much funny stuff happened...it was soooo bad that it was really good.

I have to do this more often.

Jay is a fish

I guess it is time to finally post some shit. Jay is trying to relive the spring break and college experice he never had. I hope it doesnt end with him being bent over buck naked and being paddled by a big fraternity boy!
Maybe this blog will release some of my tensions. Where do I start well.... 3 years ago i was playing 5-10 deep stacked (3k)at the Wynn and beating the game up. Now i am playing 1-2 200 buy in online and sweating flips for $200. That is what having no roll will do for you. I feel my game has lost its edge. Skill level in the toilet, just abc multi tabling nit grinder. The title of this post shoud be cry me a river. After losing top set AAA to a rivered flush and and losing with 77 on a QQ7 flop when the 3rd Q hits the river and counterfeits me. Oh well standard for me. If you dont know my game I can say that i get it in good at least 80% the time.. winning is a different story. Regarding DOO DOO he is a fish passing up spring break to play roller hockey. LOL! DOO DOO it is no crime to be gay, i am sure there will be boys a plenty on the prowl in Daytona who might find your trailer park ass passably attractive...
Peace out.

Note to Jay

Hi Jay, sorry I can not make the trip to Florida but my competitive spirits rose recently and now I am playing sports again. Something you have never done due to the fact you live in New York, where people only bet on sports and yell loudly about them on the streets.

Thank you for wishing me well in my Hockey Tournament! Maybe if you could make fucking plans to do something with more than 72 hours notice I could swing it. Unfortunately you can't so my bottles of Absinthe will be sitting in Oklahoma instead of Florida. I hope your trip is ruined by 5 days of thunderstorms.


I passed 9th grade English. Partly because my teacher (female) had seen me naked....

True story...

Long story but I will spill it for the blog.

When I was in 9th grade there was a girl who always told me I had a tiny dick.... Now I am a stupid 9th grader obv so I get a picture of me standing sideways to the camera with a hard on....

So I send it to her and she views it and sends it to a buddy of mine (who is my current roommate) (I didn't really know him at the time) (he was in my english class in 9th grade) who is real social, talks to everyone has everyones emails etc etc (back when everyone had AOL emails) so he gets the pic from this girl and sends it to his whole mailing list and titles it FWD so people forwarded it, he got a hold of the faculty emails and sent it to every teacher principal etc in my highschool. My highschool had over 1000 kids by the way. So now literally 80% of the highschool has seen my dick.... My English teacher would not look me in the eyes for about 10 days, I had to talk to the principal and I told him "Hey I didn't send this to everyone, and if you want to expell me go ahead, but I mean I dont see how it could be any worse than walking around here every day" (also what I told my parents) So I didn't get punished by the school or my parents. Annnnd I didnt get called a little dick anymore, yay fun story.

Poker news....

I fucking rule.... I am peaking "career wise" I have been disciplined (for the most part) and been running well playing fairly well, have had a few really bad sessions mentally. But for the most part I have been easily clearing 5-7K every week for about 4 months now playing minimal hours for the most part, and including a couple 5-10K blunders....

I bought a couple books to handle my taxes, something Jay throws the middle finger to.

Apparently I need to buy a business license. But I can write off a vehicle that weighs 6000 LBS or more! So Lincoln Navigator here I come some time in the next few months or whenever I am eligable.

I still need to quit smoking.

There are more 100$ bills in Russia than the USA... (US bills)

OUT

Upcoming Debauchery!

I am going to florida for spring break. With my crazy friends. And if I think they're crazy, you know there's something wrong with them.

I will finish part 2 of the previous entry later. Maybe before I leave, maybe after I return. The good part is, there will probably be lots of ridiculously stupid events that can only happen to me to write about. The bad part is, I probably won't share them here.

Random stuff:

-I dropped like 7k playing horrificccccc a few weeks back. I deserved to lose every penny.

-Yeah, I let depeche on the blog. It was a moment of weakness. I was staying at his house last month for a few days and he whined and begged that dudu was posting and not him. I broke his shower so I figured I'd add him and call it even. Don't worry, I doubt he'll be posting much and he can't possibly suck any more than dudu.

-Speaking of dudu, how in the world does anyone, and I mean anyone actually enjoy his blog? Whenever I see anything written by him, I almost want to apologise to our 3 readers. Almost. OooooOooooooooooooooOOOOOOO. I'm retarded! Let's all wish him well in his roller hockey tournament!

-I'm lifting again...need to get some vanity workouts in before beach season (I bet a whole bunch of dutch carbon players are laughing their faces off right about now). I feel like a little girl...my friend is is pushing 100's for chest press and I'm barely eeking out 70's. This is what happens when you play poker...actually I can't even use that excuse anymore...how much poker have I actually played? This is pitiful.

-I parked on a meter and broke the meter because I'm too cheap and or lazy to pay the 25 cents it would cost me to park for a half hour. And I like breaking meters (which, off the top of my head, is like a 4 figure fine and a criminal offense). So anyway I come back and the meter is broken but theres a ticket on my car...so I go off on a huge tirade of swearing...then I open the ticket and it's a ticket for an expired inspection sticker! Oops.

After 8 months of driving around with an expired inspection sticker, they finally got me. In NYC, you need to pass a vehicle safety inspection every year...it's basically a tax for owning a car...so I just refuse to do them on principle. That is, until they ticket me. The ticket is $65 and the inspection costs $37, but then when you get it done (which you would normally have to anyway), you can mail in a copy of your receipt and they dismiss the ticket. I see it as a win/win situation. 8 months is my new personal record.

When I came to the shop to get the inspection, the mechanics (we all know each other pretty well) started yelling amongst each other that I was finally coming in to get it done even before I told them what I wanted. There was a whole bunch of guys in the shop so one the the mechs grabs me and takes me for show and tell on the account of not being ticketed in NYC for something so obvious for 8 months. The entire shop gave me a round of applause. I don't think they were very genuine.

-My friend B recently got himself a blackberry. If you don't know what it is, it's a candy bar type phone with a full keyboard. The problem is, he doesn't know how to lock the keyboard so it doesn't dial accidentally. What ends up happening is he keeps hitting the speed dial key connected with my number and doesn't realize it. This leads to some very amusing conversations of me listening to him yell the absolute worst obscenities I've ever heard in my life at his employees. I kid you not, some of the stuff he says is probably illegal on 5 continents. It would be frightening if it wasn't so funny.

My life is such a joke. I hate you all.

J

P.s. Someone here ought to ask dudu how he passed 9th grade English.

OoOooOOOooooOOOOOooOoO

I have no better title....

Not that I ever had good titles anyways.

Poker sucks, been losing or breaking even or winning minimal (staying even)for like 2 weeks...

I suck at omaha.... but I can not quit playing.

I got my grill fixed.... only 4000$ in fillings and shit.... <3 drugs

I has a system to save money now! I doubt it works... I hope it does though.

I bought more absinthe, I love getting beligerantly drunk.

Nothing really interesting poker wise... Just been playing no crazy hands nothing too absurd on the winning or losing side... Just real tame sessions for the most part. Feels like all the fish are starting to quit playing though. Games are so dead right now it's not even funny.... I blame the BBJ going off. Once it hits 500K again it will start drawing some people up. (or people will be stupid and expect it to go off at 1.2 mil every time)

I need a trailer for my Suzuki Samarai but I can not find one for less than 1500ish and I paid 1200 for the vehicle so why pay more for a fkin trailer than a working vehicle!


Doo wop, dooby doo doo wop

What Burdamania wants, Burdamania gets.

Never let it be said that I am not a man of the people. I give my fans the quality content they desire! I use the word quality liberally. Veeeery liberally.

(Note: Not much poker related content, but if you're looking for that, there's some at the very bottom)

So I haven't been playing much poker. Mostly cause I suck and don't wanna go busto, but also because I decided to get myself a new car since apparently my current car needs new axles because there's nothing left of the old ones on the account of me ripping it up and down the parkway at 90+ everytime i drive and NYC roads aren't exactly pothole free.

For you mechanic types: My cv's are totally torn, the axles are completely bare, and to top it all off a I need a new MAF & thermostat & battery.

Anyway, so better than replacing the axles, I figured I'd just pull a Jman (who, if you're unfamiliar, instead of washing his clothes just goes and buys new ones when the ones he's wearing get dirty) and buy a new car altogether.

Just like poker, variance is such a tease. I find a sexy black CL600 AMG package:




(above obv not actual car, just image for those of you who don't know what those are) being run this past wednesday. Ballin. Those are rare at the auction so maybe I'm finally running good for a change? lol, but on with the story anyway.

So I drive to my boys in the morning, get there about 9, and off we go. They're running it #270 or something like that on lane 13. Lane opens 9am, they run roughly 100 cars an hour...we get there 10ish. All good right? Wrong. We can't get our bidder badges. Account suspended! Ballin! Who buys 100k worth of cars and forgets to pay for them? Only people who would be friends with me. Anyway, he finds some checks and some cash and pays like the minimum to get activated and we're on our way.

Monitor says 13 is @ 125. Nice. We've got time to go drag race it around the parking lot and blow the engine before it even crosses the block. Ballin. So we spend about a half hour looking for the beast and low and behold...its not there. Sigh.

Off we go to operations, making a detour to look at some pathetic 99 CLK that was repainted by a blind monkey:

Jay: "This is the worst paint job I have ever seen"
Jay's boy, V: "I'd buy this for 2k."
Jay: "You know it's gonna do 2150"
V: "$150 blind tax?"

But enough tomfoolery, moving on to operations:

Jay: "The CL600, in 13. Where is it?"
Kind of cute chick with large norse and big boobs: "It's not on 13?"

Now before I continue, let me explain something. This place hires mostly senior citizens and the ugly of the ugly. So on the super rare occassion that there is someone even remotely attractive working here, she is automatically promoted (within her head) to Jessica Alba (or whatever hot chick you may think is currently hot) level hottness. Yeah, it's scary.

Jay: "Apparently not. Else I'd be talking to it and not you."
Yeah, she didn't like that.
Big boobs, now giving me the evil eye: "It's in the sold lot."
Jay: "What's it doing there? Did youuuuu buy it?"
Yeah. She didn't like that either. Apparently, I had blown my flirting chances with that first comment. Oops, I guess I was bluffing a station.


I don't feel like finishing the rest of this, so i guess this blog will be a 2 parter.

I continue to play absolutely terrible and run just as bad.

So I flirted with a -5500 day to only sadly finish at -3k. Yes. I have 3x as many losing days as winning days now.

Okay. First of all...I play horrible and by horrible I mean terrible and by terrible I mean if you take a legally retarded midget and sit him at the poker table, I'm relatively sure he will play better than I can.

Today was a very special day. I shoved into either the nuts or the near nuts 3x. To the same person. In the same position. As many hands as I've played over the years, this is a new one even for me.

Let's start with shoving a flush draw on the turn drawing stone cold dead cause dood turns a super disguised fullhouse out of the bb. Oh did I mention it was like a 450bb pot? Yeah.

Then same dude calls from bb, we see a flop of 666. No, I don't believe in satan or hell so it's not an omen you bible nazis. Anyway, he manages to play his 6 like a donk. And what do I do vs donks? I try to push them off quads with A high. Yay.

Same dood again! OPening AA UTG, our friend calls out of bb...we see 366 2 clubs. I shove for value..what does he show? 36.

It's nice to play bad and run good. I used to do that. Now I just play bad and run bad. And whine here. Sniff.

A bunch of tards, not one, not two, not three, but 4 or 5 have been randomly overbet shoving into tiny pots for stacks. Of course, on some kind random board with 2 herts (sorry, I don't remember a random board would be Q84)the turn pairs the board and puts a heart, and river bring 9h and gives me the nut flush. I check and donk shoves. He's done it like 4x now. How can I fold? Ship him a huge pot cause he made 9's full.

I don't know. Maybe I ought to wait for qauds.

Bunch of donks have been playing me HU 5-10 limping pots. One guy loves to just ship ti in for like 900 into 30. pick up a small pot and leave. He's done it 3x now. I flopped a Q high flush he calls 2 streets, riv brings 4 flush, i vtown he pops me I fold. He scoops 300$ and leaves. I think I'm down like 2k to this kind of strategy. I wonder if they have a team that's been put together specifically to annoy me?

I think this was the same dude who I flopped set of dueces on yesterday only to bet 2 streets and have him lead shove runner runner straight.

Here's a cute hand: So I'm playing one of the worst players ever. Not like this year, but everrrrrrrr. I mean, you can't be any worse than this guy, if you don't count me that is. This dude just weak loose, 90% of his buttons and calling raises most of the time. Never 3bets, rarely raises, rarely bluffs. Anyway he has like no chance but it's a grind to play him. small pots etc. Whatever. I'm grinding him down slowly waiting till he check calls 3 streets with top pair so I can get there with overs or something. I dunno. We keep playing back and forth. He sucks. Then this:

I open btn and flop Khigh flush on like QT8 or something zany like that. COuld have been QT9. Anyway, all spades. ROAR. he checks, I cbet, he raises me! Wait. What? He has either the str8 or the nutflush or a baby flush or 2pr or QUADS!! QUADS BABY!! Sigh. So i'm either way ahead or way behind. Like a total donk, I just call. I don't know I've played like 10 hours straight, leave me alone. I suck. So yeah I called. turn comes off suite A. He pots me, oh baby I need to ship it in like now. What do I do? I call. River brings off suite Q. NICE GOING JAY, you tard. He of course ships his last 500 in and I don't even need to timebank. I'm so beat here but I need to justify writing this blog so I throw the 500 in and he shows me AQ.

I know what you're thinking...and you know what? FU. I should have probabyl folded but I'd never forgive myself if he was shipping the str8 or the baby flush or even QJ, and he was bad enough to do that. I think. I don't even know anymore.

Whatever. It wouldn't have mattered if I shipped it on the turn anyway, he wasn't going anywhere. The only difference would be this blog title would be "I get 5 outed for 2200 on the turn. Again" instead of whatever it says now.

Couple other amusing (not really) hands:

I go to raise some donk limp w K7dd and make it 218 instead of 18. BB wakes up with AKcc and ships it. I get like 4:1 on my money but brick my 3 outer after flopping and turning every single draw possible. Variance, you tease!

Vs a a donk ratholing shortstacker who built up a 100+ bb stack: We end up playing hu cause every1 else sititng out or bust0eddd. Anyway. he's been min 3betting me like 1/3 hands and its annoying. WHo dat? Who dattt? Jay? Jay a nit? Jay's a nit? I 4bet 35o. He calls. Obv. What else is new? at least the flop comes sexy right? 24x, x being maybe a Q or an 8...nothing insane. HE CHECKS! What? Okay, i fire pot, he ships it in! Oops. Obv I call off getting better than 3:1 hoping that I'm up against kings queens jacks tens a set of 4's...whatever...anything but aces. What does he show? Acezzzzz baby.

Yeah. I'm just a tad bit annoyed. Poker can go to hell!

What we at now? -28 to 30k on the year? Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Anyone want to start a Feed Jay fund? Your donations are greatly appreciated.

Oh, wait. Something funny happened too and I guess I owe you the 4 readers we have some comedy for reading all my whining:

One of those all in over shove fish likes me. Who knows why? People are attracted to me. They either want to be my best friend or beat me up. Or have me sleep with their wife. But anyway so this fish starts talking to me and then asks me to call him. Okay. I guess he really does love me. And I am not one to pass up some hot and kinky phone sex with some tard I met playing online poker. So I call him to see what he wants.

Now, this dude is either straight up retarded or insanely drunk. He's slurring his words, and muffling his speech...but he keeps saying something about cleaning ass. And I can't understand what he wants for the life of me, except I think he wants to clean my ass or their ass or someones ass...and then it hits me...he wanted to clean them out...by them he meant the 4 other people playing with us...but he keeps saying clean their ass which was actually pretty funny but I was too busy multitabling to pursue it futher. ANyway, dude asks me to help "clean their ass"...i giggle...and tell him that I don't collude and he'll have to clean their ass all by himself. Conversation ends.

And here I thought someone wanted to make phone love to me...all he wanted to do was cheat.

Jay not happy. Jay need run better. LET ME STACK SOMEONE FOR CHRIST SAKE. I WANT TO COOLER SOMEONE. And by someone I mean like TEN PEOPLE. ONE TIME! I mean TEN TIMES. Set over set and give me the bigger friggin set this time!



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I just booked a -1k session and it feels like a win.

That's sick. Pft. I played kind of good for a while then kind of bad for a mediocre session I guess...but holy hell why do I keep running this terrible? This is ridiculous. 2months of being coolered and sucked out on...and everytime I think it's about to end...everytime I put up a decent win and have a decent day where some hands hold, the very next day reminds me how brutally awful variance can get.

I'm annoyed about 3-4 hands I misplayed in big pots.

One hand I just wasn't paying attention to the table and our stack sizes, so I ended up needlessly calling a turn bet with TPTK on a dry paired board where villian and I were mega deep and he was obv building pot huge to stack me with trips...technically 3up is right and I could have just folded the flop but I think thats debateable...turn was an easy pitch though.

And I tilt called off with topset on a river where the flush hit just because I keep flopping sets and losing with them none stop.

Prob shouldn't have shipped Ahigh on double paired board in 1 spot either.

And one other hand I don't recall.

Otherwise just horrible variance....

A huge donk keeps playing enormous pots oop with air and constantly making some kind of back door runner runner flush or str8 combos where I either have some sort of good 2 pair hand or top set or whatever and I can't fold because he's a tard. I think he's stacked me 3 or 4 times doing that.

Got cool'd for 400+bb pot @ 3-6 mid set vs top set on super drawy board. Mehh..

Dood calls down light for stacks and gets there on riv 1st hand. 2nd hand he flops boat with 22 on 277 and I hold big pair. Pukee.

Some tard ships it on me with 53 on A25 or something along those lines. He immediately gets there on the turn. Sure, tons of equity.

Oh, this is a fun one...I flop the nut straight on a 2 club board. Dude leads flop, calls raise with draw to the under straight. Calls pot bet on turn, and gets there with backdoor flush. I can't find the fold button.

Some tard ships it in every 3rd hand, I flop a set with dueces on 2k8 2 hearts, he runner runner a straight, the flush bricks on the river, he lead ships it in huge and I;m forced to call. Great.

One of the worst regs on site open limps HU, we see a J29 flop, it goes bet raise reraise, 4bet and i ship it in with J2, dude calls with 29 and makes backdoor flooooooosh..

WHATEVR

I'm on tilt just thinking about how awful everyone plays and how awful I run.

Also I can't get action from 90% of merge. And some 100NL guy hit the jackpot. Goodbye 850k or whatever they gave to the table.

Only losing 1k today after being up 3, then down 6 feels like a win. Oh, god I hate my life.


Year to date: -25 to 28k on the year.

Absinthe, Live Poker PWNS Me, Online <3 Me

So I bought 5 bottles of Absinthe (no I have never drank it before, but felt 5 liters was a good amount to dip my toes in with). Have not really touched it yet, just a couple shots and can't tell you what I expect yet, should be alright though.

Live poker.... I am down like 9000$ playing live in the last 10 days (a couple 1K tourneys and a couple 300$ buyins and 2-5 cash games)

I went real deep in an Omaha tourney at Cherokee for the Oklahoma State Championships of Poker. 140 players and we get down to 19 players (14 pay) and this hand occurs (tell me how unlucky I am)

First the scope of the table. I was big stack early, lost a lot of chips was then a shorty then caught a little fire to become a top 3 stack with about 80K in chips (600ish in play) so I am very healthy vs the avg stack. An asian lady on my table who barely has me covered. All others are fairly short with not much room to play post flop.

Me and the Asian lady are literally just raping blinds (currently 800 1600) (40 minute levels so we are about 9 hours in) We are opening about 60-70% of the pots combined and very rarely in pots together.

She opens in early to 5600 (pot bet) I just flat with 5d 6d 7x9x both blinds fold. I am in position now HU.

Flop Ac 3d 4d

She pots for 13,600 and I repot it to 50 something leaving me about 25 behind.

NOW we have been opening A LOT of pots.... Only hand she can call me with here is AAXX, I dont think she can tangle for our stacks and positions in the tourney with even 33XX (44 she can ruling out my AA) (also not that I think 333 is a possibility so just speaking that for no reason) AdXdXxXx I think she ends up mucking also..

So she pauses for a second and moves in with of course, AAXX (when she flipped her hand up I thought she had diamonds too but only had one)

SO I am still in fine shape, virtually a flip and I might be a slight fav...

Turn 9c river 10s..... sick.....

I bust out of the money and give a great stack away, she ends up winning the tourney atleast.

Then I play the Heartland Poker Tour and I make a deep run, no cash but a deep run, just barely miss the cash, blinds move so quick in this tourney. I am very proud of myself for not snapping earlier in the tourney. By the time blinds were 500 1000 with a 100 chip ante I never had over the start stack, then FINALLY I cross 15K then lose back down to about 12K soon after. I was 3 outted 3 of 4 times I was in a turn them up pre situation, battling short(er) stacks trying to get going and some how only catching fair cards vs them.

I hold AK over KQ once to give me my biggest stack to blind ratio at 16ish!

Anyways blinds are 2500 5000 with a 500 chip ante when I bust. I have about 30K in chips and move in with 77 in mid and find JJ to cut me down to 5800 chips so I am in the next hand when UTG ships it in I come in all others fold I am vs QQ flop A J 3 with 1 Diamonds ( I have 56d) I ask for the 4d and the turn falls, 4d.... But I brick the river and bust about 15 from the 50 they paid roughly. Winner takes 127K and some change, but it wasn't for me I guess.

Then in a Stud HiLo tourney at Cherokee for the State Championships of Poker again, this tourney pulls a REALLY small field, but still the blinds are 40 minute levels and we start with 6000 chips. A massive field of 26 players came to fight for the ring and the cash. I literally have over half the chips with 10 left, running really well... But had been drinking since the start ( 9 hours in now) with 5 left and I spew every chip I have away to bust in 5th place lol. Not that winning was life changing, but 3700$ wouldn't hurt especially when I am sitting in an insanely good position to do so, and you got a gold ring, which I could lock up in my safe for personal satisfaction.

2-5 has been just brutal for me for the last 2 weeks. I seriously can not make a hand, find a hand, hold a hand, steal a hand or anything. It is just brutal. So I am stuck about 1200 BB in the past 6 or 7 sessions. Not good at all, variance is a bitch.

Doing great online though, which I am extremely thankful for. Keeps my motivation up atleast.


In 1938 Time Magazine named Adolf Hitler "Man Of The Year"