Sunday, March 03, 2013

As usual, I am right.

So I plan to write a longish post about this later but I just want to go on record saying: I was right and all the sites were wrong and are a bunch of morons.

I've been calling for an end to bumhunting via table caps for a very very very long time. Now they're finally doing a very idiotic way...because there's no fish left. All the fish have been skinned by the dozens upon dozens of bumhunters who sit around and wait all day everyday. Now sites don't know what to do.

Har har har

Also, I'm up like 60k playing about 30 hours this year. Vs regs only obv.

Too bad poker career dead now. No access to games, no regs to battle, no stakes to play.

I've said this before and I'll say it again: Poker sites (other than stars) are run by mental amputees.


Sunday, January 13, 2013

I'm not broke.

I'm just not playing much poker. Don't really want to sit around all day waiting for someone to show up or playing low. I'm old now.

It'd be nice if DOJ paid up though. Then maybe I'll splurge on a ferrari since Sandy destroyed my car.


Monday, January 07, 2013

Android Game

Spamming my own blog. For good reason.

Good friend of mine threw his hat into the app game, so I demand any of you who come here go play it!

I'll update more later. By later I mean never.

Monday, July 09, 2012

Got HEM2 now.

You know what that means. Whining and more whining....but this time with pretty pictures. I didn't import my hem 1 DB since it's on my other hard drive but graphed my whatever I have played on this one. In about 20k hands, I'm 70k below ev.

Life's peachy.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

I've never seen a bigger idiot.

Did you know that calling someone "German" was the equivalent of a racial insult? Neither did I.

 There's this one German idiot (actually there's a whole country of them, but for the time being let's focus on one specific one) bumhunter who has got to be the dumbest 5k nl regular I have ever seen. Apparently calling him a German has caused him great distress. Such distress in fact that he deems it equivalent to telling me that he is happy that 9-11 happened and that he danced and celebrated when the towers fell. Retard, but okay whatever.

 His real problem with me as that I won't respect his "rule" of not "crashing" his Heads Up matches with fish on 9 handed tables. Except there is no such rule like that, nor would I ever make such an agreement with a shitty scrub bumhunter like him. But to him this is the ultimate wrong doing. Because we're all supposed to just sit in front of our computers for 18 hours per day waiting for the worst possible players to show up and never sit any other "regulars". Nevermind that it's 9 handed and there's a fish playing. This is the "rule" What is must be like in German fantasy land.

 Since I don't subscribe to pathetic bumhunter logic, he decides the only way to make me see his point of view is to grim me, hit n run me, sit in and out, spam the chatbox about how he's happy my family members died in 9-11...and so on. Because once again, in German fantasy land of bumhunting 20 sites this is the best way to get someone to do what you like.

 Or not.

 If you're a loyal reader of this blog, you already know there is no quit in me. And I comeback. In a day, in a week, in a month. I always return. Until I go broke. Yesterday he did the funniest thing. First he hit and ran me for ~$1500 and then he sat out and tried to have a conversation with me about how he wants to be friendly and how I should respect his heads up games. Amazing.

His reasons for not playing me? He doesn't trust Merge. Apparently they only pay him 10k per week to MB! Can you believe it? Just 10k a week. So that means he can only play fish and not regs because he's afraid to put more money on. Because money used to play regs is somehow different than money used to play fish. German logic at its finest. Sickening that US players wait 6 weeks for a 2500 check meanwhile this POS cries about 10k a week to MB.

 I cringe when I look around and see half wits like this sitting at the highest stakes, not giving anyone action. And that's pretty much 95% of the player pool at 25-50+.

You know what? I'm not a hater and I don't care about the success or failures of other people but this is one of those times where it's actually correct to root for him to go straight to broke. Wait a second, this scumbag has purposely done things just to annoy me without any possible this case we can also root for someone to put a 2 into his spinal cord and make him a cripple for the rest of his life. Fair trade.

Thursday, May 24, 2012


What a degen.

While you were degenatarding with the scummy bumhunting regs (who I told you not to play might I add), I was chillin, sippin on a mojito and getting brain.

You know why?


 I can't even feel bad, cause I FKN WARNED YOU. But I do have to say that you are my absolute fkn HERO for beating STINKY for 7k. This warms my heart. I'll have to do something nice for you. Maybe I'll hit n run one of the regs for 5k-10k in your honor.

I gotta say how pathetic it is that I leave for 1 day and no one has the stones to run the bumhunters out of town. Anyway we both know you're not quitting. You're not a quitter. Maybe a whiner, but I'm a whiner too. I just do it here, where no one reads it.

Hit me @ w/ your skype info. I never check that address, so leave a comment when you ship the info and I'll check it.


P.s. I hope you threw that TAG HEUER in a dumpster.

 P.p.s Oh and by the way, you still owe me 1k. You didn't think I forgot, did you? I plan to collect so have them crisp hundos ready.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012


Bro, I gotta leave for a bit. I will be back in the evening. Probably. Lost 12k. Don't care. Don't play STINKY. J

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Same old song, same old dance.

Don't play poker for months.
Decide to play.
Get hit n ran for 30bb all day.
Get full ring idiocy going.
Get it in good everytime. Lose 5/6.
Be stuck 50k.
Not care.

Good thing I re-installed windows so HEM is on the other hard drive...else i'd be spamming my EV graphs all over this place.

Lifetime downer continues.

Saturday, March 03, 2012

Def Krantz

Lolz at Jay's PTR comments

Randomly spewing under new nick with 55% RB...ty knox

40+hrs of gtd moniez wkly now...what a gay life ppl live who have to 'work'

That is all.

Fuck you too. You know who you are, but I don't.

Wednesday, February 08, 2012

Poker is for loser nerds.

I keep trying to go broke, but I can't get much action so I am degening by betting sports and playing limit holdem - which I am absolutely terrible at. But I run pretty f'n awful. Minbetaments, what a horrible game.

I'm due for an insane heater. Like godmode bink everything that moves status. Too bad cards have no memory. I am not sure why i'm writing this. Moose thinks he has fans. It's cute.

Dudu is an absolute tard. Nothing we didn't know. He's living in a condemned shack with some degenerate friend of his.

3up keeps telling me I am in bad headspace and I need a vacation. He's probably right.

I want to hurt someone bad for like 30-40k. Is that too much to ask? Maybe bust a roll or two, you know, like I used to do it in 2008. Maybe bust my own roll in the process.


FTP I would like a check in the mail. Thanks. Ivey and crew pay your debts you deadbeats.

Saturday, February 04, 2012

I want to go broke.

Really, I do.

Summary of todays events:

Morning time: Notorious fish Hit n Runner comes to play 25-50 EURoZ, wins 2 flips in 8 hands. Leaves.

Evening time: I suck so I play bad and lose. Nothing new. Scummy Euro who whined about being hit n run yesterday (by an even bigger idiot) in 6max games plays till he wins a 200bb pot off me to get even... then snap sits out. I say nothing. Guy keeps sitting there. I say nothing. Guy asks me to go play stakes half of what we were playing. WTF? jesus christ. Where do these people come from? GFYS. If you're gonna hit n run me, good for you. What are you sitting there for and asking me to play half lower for? I say no so he talks some shit. Then comes to my other table and asks to play lower again and talks more shit. Then he calls me an asshole. Yeah. I'm the asshole here. Okay fine, I'll be the asshole. Please fall down a fire escape and spend the rest of your life sucking apple juice through a straw. We'll call it even.

I want to go on record and say that I firmly believe that lure of easy money in poker has attracted the most gutless scummy piles of human feces that exist. I've touched on this before, but I will say it again: Poker is full of the bottom of society, people that get off in scratching other people's cars for no reason other than it makes them feel good to make someone else feel bad.

Don't get me wrong, I have met some genuinely great people in poker, some of them have become close friends of mine, guys I will probably be friends with for the rest of my life, but they are few and far between.

With that said, I don't know why I am playing. I really don't like money. I wish someone would come and bust my accounts - it's time I went broke and we closed up this blog.

FTP YOU CAN KEEP MY MONEY. And Ferguson, I hope you get an assortment of venereal diseases from the ladyboys in Thailand or where ever it is you are currently hiding.

Countdown to busto starts now.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Not playing merge was better than playing merge.

I don't know how they do it. I really don't. One kid flops a set or makes a flush every hand. Another proceeds to light me up check calling 77 on AKJJ and somehow plays nitball but rails every 3bet pot w Arag and Jrag. Then checks flushes to me on the river.

One day I will combine moose's graph with my own from Merge for shits and giggles. I expect to see an Ev dip of about half a mill.



Saturday, January 28, 2012

I'm annoyed.

I played for like 18 hours straight only to be stuck 25k. Granted it's only 2.5 buyins and I monkey'd off like 40k anyway and played fairly poorly, I am still annoyed at how awful I ran.

It's just stupid. And these vermin don't give any action. I am going to start hit n running and grimign all the bumhunters and annoying regs just o make them as miserable as they make me.

It's 7:30am. I'm dead tired. I'd still play anyone right now cause I want to get even, but god damn these losers won't play. Everyone must have really great nosebleed games somewhere on the euros. I need more money on non us sites. Yeah. I said it.

Misery upon all the vile and disgusting creates that nest on the heads up tables.


P.s. It amuses me that only haters read this blog. It also amuses me they think I care about what they think or want. Yes, you reading this right now. I wouldn't spit on you to put out a fire. Well, maybe I would spit on you.


UPDATE: Decided 25k was a small loss so lost 80k instead. Going to sleep now. Also going to retire.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Hi FanBoys

2011--------> sucked balls.
2012--------> sucks less balls.

Ran the worst that anyone can run in the last 3 months of 2011. Not posting hands or graphs, but i was insanely below EV and it was never ending. The only thing that kept me going is that I cant run worse than Dudu one can. I started online off well for 2012 and as for live...I played a 560$ borgata poker open. Day 1 I must of hit 4 sets and got paid on 3 of them, and had a kid stack off with QT on KKQ vs my AK. Went into day 2 in the top 10 in chips with 220 left. Hands leading to meltdown- I 3b squeeze QQ, kid folds, old guy folds and was mad. Next orbit old guy opens (he looks like Jack Hauffman from Gold Rush with sunglasses and a hat on) i 3 bet to 65k with AK (4-8k). He calls with about 230k behind (I'm about 530k deep), flop AK2, i bet 60k he calls, turn 2x, i ship he calls K2cc. GG moose. I almost snap at the guy but I just said nothing. I was one comment away from flipping a lid. Like 3 hands later i ship 20bbs into the guys raise with KQhh, he has AA and I brick a KT9 board. FML. I min cashed, sad. More updates to come. Dudu, Jay, and my Fanboys, I love you.

Side Note- Tourney paid 160k+ for first.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

New Years Poker Resolution

In 2012, I will finally become a bumhunter!


Monday, December 19, 2011

Friday, December 02, 2011

FU Decemeber, what a shitty month you are.

So I started the big D E C at a nice minus 15k.


On the brightside, I think Moose had a winning day yesterday after not winning for 2 months. Why is it like this? Only one of us can win at the same time. Meanwhile we can both run awful for months on end.

New Poll. Vote for my misery.

Also amusing that the only people who visit here are the haters. I love you guys.


Sunday, November 27, 2011



Won a 14k coin flip. Finished session 5k below ev.

How does this happen?

Also I seem to have made a new friend. There's a railbird that likes to run around the mid high stakes games and tell people how good they're running. That is his entire MO. He just joins tables and if he sees anyone winning, he starts spamming the chat about how hot they're running and what fish they are and how they're going busto as soon as the heater ends. He's taken a particularly liking to me (obv because of how hot I run...that's sarcasm for those of you who are slow) and taunts me every chance he gets. It's awesome. I feel like he is my #1 fan. I am definitely his number 1 fan. He amuses me like no other. Too bad I can't tell him because I have a chat ban. Bahahahaha. Poker.


Thursday, November 24, 2011

Gobble Gobble Fucksticks

I win the poll, but what do I win?

Busted 3x, surprised?...thank god they're accepting credit again. One day Moose, one day.

I'm drooling, and a ghost in my house doesn't like NWA's 'Fuck The Police.' Please refrain from throwing my phone again unless you actually hit me; I thought we got a long mr ghost.

Sunday, November 06, 2011

More Graphs, more whining

I think this is like 35-40k hands at 5-10, rest at 3-6, 10-20, 25-50.

It seems hands cannot hold at all. My play has deteriorated to open tables, go straight to massive tilt.

Why did I come back to poker?


Friday, October 21, 2011

Having a nice month.

A session from today. 4 tabling 2 clown regs at 5-10, 2 tables each simultaneously. How do I run better? Anyone? Anyone???????


Sunday, October 16, 2011

This is a nice welcome back to poker.

How terrible this guy is, I cannot even begin to describe. Keep in mind, this is mostly (95%ish) at 5-10, with a little at 10-20.

The funny thing is, that doesn't even tell the whole story. The coolers, the insanity, the folding preflop every time I have any tier 1 hand. I am in some absurd twilight zone that is cruel and vengeful. I will probably have to sacrifice a virgin soon. Hope dudu isn't doing anything Wednesday night.


Friday, October 07, 2011

So I tinkered with the blog a bit...

A poll, a search option, our e-mail, and some banners. Wee?

So i haven't blogged for so long I don't even know where to begin. Or if I should even bother. Or what my purpose in life is anymore...

I guess the first thing I should do is recap from black friday till now. I'll try keep this short and colorful since no one likes to read a long boring blog about some guy in ny that likes to play poker once in a while. Why the hell do you even visit here? Yeah, I'm talking to you. The guy reading this right now. If you're a girl, send your pic. E-mail address is to the right.


It was ultimately decided that I ought to enjoy the NY summer before making any rash country moving, decisions. FTP owes me a lot of money.

Summer came and went, and I didn't even notice. I didn't even get a tan. 3up and I considered moving to mexico or canada (not so much) or Europe...but ultimately, as per our usual, no one did anything. Dudu was MIA trying to become a "live grinder" (plz ask him all about this, insert teehee emoticon). Moose is attached at the hip so his black friday response was to go fly his plane around a little more often. How I wish we could trade lives.

No one cares about phreezenet, vox or depeche so this is the only mention they will get.

September was eventfull. I went on a legendary (even for me) tear of debauchery and grotesque behavior. No fist fights by hospitals this year, however. I'm also lifting regularly and eating well. And I hope to resume training some form of martial art soon. Whether this actually happens, I think 3up is taking bets.

Poker wise, I have hardly played at all. But I'm sure you all knew that. I pursued an interesting, non poker related endeavour that ended it looks like it's back to getting hit n ran by fish and sitting around all day waiting for action. I'm pretty rusty and don't really know how to play poker maybe I can do the hit n running for a change. No, I'm not broke.

But 3up is. In fact, I think he's gone broke like 4 times in the last 2 months. How this kid wins at poker, I will never understand.

Dudu has recently come to his senses. After getting ganked by UB (tard) and then trying to become a live pro (tard) he's back to grinding random shit like sit n gos (tard). I don't even know. The kid is abnormal. He's beyond any help that I can provide as he just completely ignores any positive advice I offer.

Moose has been running so mega bad terrible (even worse than me) this year, that I think he's completely fed up. I think he just flys around New Jersey all day now looking for excuses not to crash his plane into Howard Lederer's house. He's been on a serious MIA.

I almost forgot. Kotton. I have absolutely no idea what this kid is doing.

Oh, GirahGate:

I'm sure most of you have read my summary on 4. Funny thing is, I wasn't even going to make any post about the situation...but then when I saw the information that was presented before my post, I knew I couldn't let shit stand like that. Dog was was trying to manipulate these kids to cover his shady actions and it was obvious (at least to me)...shit was not going to go down like that. Glad it worked out on a positive note.

Moose and I long suspected that Girah cheated in the challenge anyway. Impossible to get that kind of action in such a coincidental manner.

I'd write up a long AEJones book like post on the entire situation, but I think everything relevant has already been said.

Also, holla 1 time for beating people who can see my hole cards?

Some of those hands were amusing. Maybe I'll post them here at some point.

So. What now?

Pokerwise...who knows? VPNs, shedding the rust and bangin with regs for a dollar.

Lifewise...I think I may want to buy a new car.



Tuesday, October 04, 2011

For everyone who's been asking about cake skin that pays.

I added a banner to the right with all the other banners. Go sign up for intertops and play and earn me money. 33% Rakeback. Now stop E-mailing and skyping me.

For people who don't care about playing poker but only come here to read the drivel I write. I have been extremely life busy. I have not played much poker. I promise to make a real update or a series of updates sometime soon. Maybe even before 2012.


Friday, September 16, 2011

I am a spaz, I am a spaz, I am a spaz, I am a spaz

If I was in poker school I would have to write that on a blackboard 1,000 times or something...

I hate merge, I spaz the fudge out every time I play cash on there. Slumming their tourneys is boring enough, but I can not compose myself when I play cash, it is seriously just a repeating pattern. Hit every flop win a few buyins get coolered lose all back, rinse repeat, except when I lose back I spew more. So if I play HU there any more, I am quitting everyone once I am up 3 buyins. I am king of getting unstuck, but I am bigger king of getting way stuck.

I am running awful in the tourneys, getting deep is no problem, just when it gets down to 15 people or so I get 3b 4 out of 5 opens, or flatted and never have the goods or never flop a pair and I just dwindle a bit then get 6th-9th.... Don't think I have done better than 4th in anything this week but have final tabled like 15-18 tourneys (no brag on the final tables, half the fields are under 100 players) (don't even feel like calling them final tables)

I am destroying everleaf with my run good and no tilt there. I don't know why I do not tilt there, PDC is becoming my new FTP, seeing the software makes me lose my fucking mind. They owe me 12,500 for checks I never received and that were deleted out of my ledger (yea looks like I am feeding a bogus lie to them whenever I told them this happened, they think I am trying to pull off the most retarded scam I could come up with), I feel legitimately cheated along with Moose and Jay and another guy and then all the old school regs from lower stakes starting threads on 2+2 asking if any other old schoolers are winning a dime there. Like doom switches from hell on there... I hate the fact that I am even playing there, I do not trust the integrity of the site and I hope they rot in hell for all the troubles they have caused.

I have been fishing a lot, I caught a nice flathead catfish weighing 32 LBS last weekend. Planning on going again tonight, though its semi cool outside and rain got here faster than I wanted, warm front coming in in the next 12-18 hours would much rather hit the head of that to fish but probably wont.

Cliff notes - I am a spaz

Thursday, September 08, 2011

Runnin bad slummin bad

Somehow I manage to lose 7 buyins + to 3 different people in 2 days playing 1-2 hu.... Pretty sure if I could see their cards with a super user account I might not have been able to break even :/ (thats a lie, but it was stupid)

I need boom switch, wonder twin powers activate!

Why is merge so god damn slow with withdraws too... this is brutal, I need $$$$$

Kotton ignore them haters, be a player, play the game.

Send all money to daduhweewah on merge, it will go to a good cause.

If you dont then fuck off

Friday, September 02, 2011


OK I am back, despite Merge being assholes who owe me money, and probably screwing us out of money.... (maybe me moose and jay are bad enough to lose like 2k buyins.... I am for sure, but Jay??? and Moose????!!!!???)

I am slumming tourneys (though I just bust them when I am bored cause I hate them and they pay peanuts) and 1-2 and some 2-4....

Moose and Jay would only loan me peanuts (Moose gave me 1500 on merge and 1500 on minted, and Jay gave me the finger) Little faith they have. I am up significantly considering I started with peanuts. But still a long long long way from where I need to be. It sucks knowing I used to be legitimately wealthy (for my area of the country definitely) and now being poor. But whatever, just fuel to the fire gotta keep working on it.

0 to 6 figures by new years? Probably not, but thats the goal.

I am back blog readers... mark it on the calendar.

Why does my semen have blood in it?

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

11 years

Doesn't mean shit when you've got a psychotic, suicidal thinking, depressed woman who can go from giving you the best head and wanting your babies to kicking you out in a matter of days because 'all you do is drink, play poker, get on the computer or watch the dvr and never put me first"

Bitch, cry me another fucking Euphrates. The only reason you're alive is because of my ass. I fucking work in a lab all the time. How the fuck can you say this shit?

"Get a job or move out"

Fine, I'm fucking employed as a molecular biologist now and rarely play poker or drink anywhere near the volume I used to daily.

"Well you still don't put me first, so get out"

Get the fuck outta dodge brah.

I found a bad ass place right up my alley. We'll see how you roll when you unfuck your head; We'll see if I even be accepting that head.

Shit, who am I kidding.

Peace the fuck out assholes.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

I find dimes

Everywhere; Frequently.

Online sucks.

I like my new roommate; He donates.


Thursday, June 30, 2011

I'm a BioChemist Biiiitch!!

Not like any of you 4 fucking trolls and FabFierce care but I'm finally using my degree and currently doing DNA sequencing, gene synthesis and a bunch of other nerdy scientific jargon that you'd have to Google to understand anyways at (I had the name of the company but randomly found it linked through google to this horrendous blog and decided to edit it out) Soooooooooooooo that means less opportunities for you fucksticks to take my moniez, and I'm sure you're in tears atm.

***O and fuck FTP, sucks for those of you screwed; Jay I'm sure there have been a few whores with decent stories attached you're not sharing or at least something to explain your ice cold PTR status on merge; Dadu is probably dead from pills and Moose, I hope you start running better buddy!