Finally closed one out

So yeah, I fucked up Sunday. While Jay blew me up on the phone (God knows why since I only answer for business) I was enjoying myXanax induced sleep. For those who haven't taken it it's pretty decent and produces some of the most peaceful sleep ever. No wonder they use it to keep people from offing themselves. I awoke @ 2:54 with 6 minutes to spare to register for the Poker.com Winter Championship Event and win myself an Aussie Millions seat for next year. Unfortunately as I'm moving my mouse over to register it blackens out because they close registration @ 2:55 and don't let you register for an event that big the night before. I'm a jackass.

I continued on by playing the Bugsy's Club 10k Gaurantee. It's a 50+5 that usually gets about 2500 in overlay and has an excellent format. 10k starting chips and 25/50 blinds and eventually antes get added into the structure where they actually count unlike PS where they're insignficant. The structure is very close to that of the WSOP main event which allows for some practice in the structure and allows for plently of play and a sizable edge for the good player. First place pays 3k though I got 5th for a paltry $600. It's true only one person walks away happy from a tournament. It's a smaller site that's been around for a few years but traffic is on the low side and the buttons on backwards (raise is on the left side and fold is on the right) which caused me to misclick my tourney away the first two times I played but not a bad site.

I finished off the day playing the HORSE tournies on PS and FTP and I played pretty inspired. Made a lot of good reads and some real thin value bets especially in while playing Razz which is a game I've never been able to do so in. I always played very straight forward in it and gave people a lot of credit for having a big hand. Only play I really didn't care for is getting in with split Jacks against what was obviously split Kings to go out 22nd in the Stars. I also missed a bet the hand before against the same person but these things happen. I clenched the W on FullTilt though and pocketed 6660. Nothing exciting really happened that I can recall regarding play but 3 handed the person in 2nd had nearly equal chips to me as with 3rd place seriously short stacked and asked about chopping. I don't chop so I said yes if he wanted to give me 5750 which was +EV for me from an ICM standpoint and he refused. We went back and forth once or twice each having a 5:1 chiplead over the other at some point and I pulled out the win. That puts me almost even on the month =] With rakeback I might even be up. Rakeback pro FTW!

On a couple final random notes: ePassporte still hasn't deposited into my account so I can't verify it and move cash around from site to site without assistance (trading) and I'm not sure how to cashout without it either which is an issue. Also, I haven't been playing a whole lot since my monitor died since it just really killed my motivation though hopefully I'll start-up again soon or at least do something productive with my life....nah.

I hate myself. And I hate ThreeUp.

So much for winning a WPT seat.

It's 9pm and I just got home. I haven't been home for 24hours. Of course that means I missed every Sunday tournament imaginable - all the big guarantees, the big overlays, the 50k freeroll and of course the only tournament I cared about - Winter Championship main event.

Last night was the birthday of one of my best friends and per our usual norm that means a lot of drinking, partying and debauchary. Yesterday I left the house nearly immediately after I had finished typing up the previous blog post. I woke up at 2:43pm on my friends couch, half nude, with a strange but cute and fully nude girl next to me.

Let me rephrase that, I was woken up at 2:43pm by the smooth melody of the Sopranos theme song - it's what I use for a ringtone on my NEXTEL. Barely understanding where I was or what I was doing there, I flipped open the phone and heard the following:

"Jay, you have 17 minutes to register for the winter championship tournament."
"What? Who is this?"
"It's wong. Register for the tournament."

Suddenly, I understood where I was. Quickly realizing I was about to throw away a WPT seat, BELIEVE THAT CAUSE I WAS WINNING THIS THING, I stumbled around the mess of passed out bodies to look for some sort of a computer while simultaneously calling ThreeUp in hope of him registering me.

"You've reached Mr.Diamond, stripper extraordinaire. Please leave a message after the tone."
Redial.
"You've reached Mr.Diamond, retard extraordinaire. Please leave a message after the tone."
Redial.
"You've reached Mr.Diamond.." Click.

Wouldn't you know it, not only did the jerk not answer his phone but he didn't register himself either. Awesome.

In a scurry to download the software, run the update and register for the tournament...I almost made it. And by almost, I mean I didn't make it at all and nearly threw someone elses laptop through a window.

Why the hell are there no late registrations possible? Better yet, why the hell does the tournament start at 3pm?! Why not the usual 6? Unbelievable. On Saturday they started at 3. Fine. I can understand...but on Sunday? Who's the fool who came up with that start time? Does he or she not realize that people go out on saturday night more than on any other night and usually get home either at the crack of dawn or later? Then there are some of us who pass out at other peoples apartments and need some time to sleep off the alcohol intake? I seriously thought it started at 6 and had my phone set for alarm for 4:45pm - ample time to get home, take a cold shower and win a WPT seat.

After failing to register, I wished wong goodluck and went to finish whatever liqour was left over from last night.

It's a funny thing - I got into poker as a way to escape some of my wilder drinking and partying and it worked out for a bit...but now, poker is getting in the way of my drinking and partying. Ironic, isn't it?

I really didn't mean to get that deep into my personal life because, while it would probably be a better read than whining about sucking in tournaments or how much of a jerk ThreeUp is, it's a tad over the top and would probably offend and shock 95% of readers. And besides, I'm saving it for a book.


- A very irritated Jay

Team FCUK doesn't own very much.

In fact, we suck. Or at least I do.

I'm sitting here disappointed in the way I played today. I misplayed 3 hands badly and they cost me the tournament. I think it was something mental...I was playing for points and not for the win which is totally contradictory to how I usually play. In fact, I think the overly conservative, point hungry style, is what caused me to go out before I should have. Let me explain:

Early in the tournament with blinds at 50/100 a very bad player limps UTG or UTG1. I make it 500 to go on the button with AQc. He calls. The flop is AA9 with two diamonds. He checks, I bet, and he instantly moves in on me. Okay, I think that I am way ahead. I really did. I thought he could make that play with a worse ace but also with 99, A9, but unlikely the flush draw. So it's another 9k to me for my tournament life...normally, when I have a read I go with it and I really wanted to call here but ended up folding because A) I wanted points and it was very early to risk my stack & B) I think I can outplay him later. He showed something like A6 and raked the pot. Poof. Golden opportunity squandered. With a 20k stack, I am far more dangerous at a donkinfested table than I am with a 10k stack.

Hand2: I flopped a open ender and should have check raised all in on some limp donk but again decided to pick a better spot because I thought he couldn't fold anything to save his life.

Hand 3: With 20k and 1k/2k blinds I pickup AQo in the BB. A donk open limps for MP, I immediately know he's weak. A retard completes from the SB. Now before I go any further, I played a pot with the aforementioned retard last orbit where it was folded around to her in the small blind, she completed to see a cheap flop and I of course reraised all in from the BB - standard anti donk strategy. She bitched and moaned and told me how I was predictable and how she knew how to beat me and just told everyone; then mucked. Okay, fantastic (more on this later). Back to the hand - I make it 7k more to go, I really should have just reraised all in and picked up the pot right there but again points got in my head. I wasn't sure that donk #1 wouldn't limp then call all in with 66 or something like that. I didn't want to flip. I'm an idiot. That was a huge mistake and one I shouldn't be making. Anyway, donk folds and retard calls. We see a flop of JTT. She checks. Now I think she checks any hand to me including the T the J, an underpair and anything else because she thinks I'm an aggressive maniac and wants to check raise me. What could she have limp called with? I have 40% of my stack in there. To be honest, I didn't rule out her having something idiotic like QJ, KJ, KT, QT, a small-mid pair, or a suited ace. I should probably have moved all in on the flop but I checked behind because I am an idiot.

I don't remember what the turn card was but it was something irrelevant to the board. She then sets me in for 14k more. Immediately I think call and here's why: I know she's really dying to check raise me or to get me to bluff at her but putting me all in won't accomplish either of that. If she led small, it would be a tougher decision. So I really think she has air here or a hand I have crushed like a A8. If she had the T, I see her checking on the turn as well. If she has the J, I see her leading the turn small because only the T calls. Clearly this is a call. Instead, I muck. She shows Q2 and I pat myself on the back for a stand up job of not being able to pull the trigger when I have drooljobs pegged as weak.

I went out A8 vs A5.

Threeup busted a massive stack when he get coolered with A4 vs A7 on a x47A board.

Vox didn't play.

Only way any of us are going to be seeing a WPT seat is if we win tomorrows event - a very unlikely thing. And with all the soft playing and collusion that I see or hear about in these tournaments, winning anything is that much more of a long shot.

But enough about how bad I am at poker, let's instead focus on how incredibly stupid and annoying the majority of the people playing in these things are. Take for example the retard from hand #3. I get moved to her table and immediately she starts talking shit to me because she's a retard who limps from sb when it's my bb and gets pushed on. I don't even know this person - I've seen her maybe three times in my entire life but apparently she has notes on me doing this to her in 4 other tournaments. Okay, fantastic. So if I do that, wait for aces of kings or whatever and call me. Yet she goes on and on about how predictable I am and how she's telling everyone how to beat me. Mind you this is coming from someone in a $25 tournament. Then another clown, who first felt it necessary to alert the table that had just busted from some freeroll, chimes in with something similar. Great, my play is being questioned by two morons who don't understand gap, m, or hand range concepts and play $25 tournaments.

I don't know what's more pathetic, that they're telling me I suck or that I'm talking about it on a blog. But the truth is, it gets irritating (and there are a lot of irritating people out there) when you're semi known on a small site and people go out of their way to say something stupid to you. If at least it was funny but they're just stupid. Flat out, down right stupid in the most direct way possible. I don't mind friendly trash talk, or funny trash talk, or even when someone who knows me tries to rile me up (fat chance cadderly, I'll just blog about how fat you are) but when people you don't know come and start asking you how much your bankroll is or how much you've won or lost today or asking if you're broke because you decided to play a $2 sit n go for giggles, it just gets to the point where you need to wish anal cancer on them and their children.

Of course then I'm the mean asshole. Well so be it. I don't claim to be a nice guy or even good at poker, but I refuse to take any lip from anyone who won't sit in a game with me. The next time you see me and I don't know you - keep your mouth shut, you incompetent retards.

Omahaha

Quick update:

Omaha sucks. None of us did well.

It's tough to navigate through a field of limpdonks in a tournament with a bad structure in Omaha. No hand is a big dog to any other hand preflop and with enormous blinds, there's really no edge. Also, I think I may have taken the wrong approach, I might have played too tight but I did stick it in against a hand that ties me 50% of the time and loses 30% or somewhere thereabouts. Obviously, I came up on the short end.

Not sure how the others went out.

Frankly, I don't even know why they included an Omaha tourny.

Worst Poker Player Alive takes 3rd in opening event

I was supposed to blog about this awhile ago, but the only thing worse than my poker playing is my motivation to do anything in a prompt and timely fashion. Quite a few years ago i had the idea for an internet jukebox but of course i delayed on patenting the idea, perhaps i too hate money, recently i witnessed a man stuffing ungoddly amounts of cash into bags that he had emptied from one of these now popular machines - Thats Great Vox, keep grinding the microstakes while some ex-drywaller makes a killing off of an idea you had long before ipods.

I'm boring myself, so i'll address the title of this blog.

The First event of the Winter Championship was a Limit Hold'em event. I was quite exited by this because the buy-in was small which would mean lots of terrible play. I've been crushing small stakes limit hold'em games for quite some time, in fact its usually how i build a bankroll worthy of losing in an NL game. From the get go of this tournament I was top ten in chips and stayed that way for until my departure in 3rd place. I was however dissapointed in the structure, as I was 5th in chips with 200 people left and only had approx 10x the BB.

a key hand for this tournament occurent when we were down to two tables. I was being pounded on by my immediate right. Everytime i had the BB or the SB, and to make matters worse my cards had ran cold and i was getting nothing to fight back with. Finally I had to do something, I pick up a J2s in the BB, he is in the SB, he raises I'm down to about 5bbs I decide this is going to have to do... I called- flop comes all bricks, he bets, I called, Turn Brick he bets.... I raise - he folds, i repeated this process every time he attempted to raise my blinds until finally he stopped and actually began folding his sb to me...


My hopes and dreams for the WPT were destroyed two tournaments later when i was cold decked... won 2 hands in over 50.. once i stole, the other time i had AA on the button and it folded around... later with an m of 3 i pick up KK only to be taking out by AT all in... So without a miracle occuring in Omaha... i may cut my season short

Team FCUK owns and then some.

To elaborate on what Mr. Diamonds said in the post below we've got 3 out of 4 playing members in the top 15 (I think Cadderly has given up) and Team FCUK associate, Harry Wong (I kid you not), in the top 10.

Threeup and myself both final tabled last night. He came in the massive chipleader and I came in 3rd or 4th. Of course he picked on my blind every chance he could (jerk). I was down right forced to use level 5, a level that only comes out when playing someone who is actually good, to maintain some sort of defense. And as pathetic as that sounds, it was only defense I could muster. Kids, please don't try level 5 at home. Adults, use at your own discretion.

Also massive props to Mr. VoxGibson who was holding it down for Team Fcuk during the first two events.

But enough about that, let's get to the bad beats and complaining. After all, that's what you guys are here to read, right? Thought so.

First and foremost, Threeup up got flat out robbed last night. After dominating, and I do mean dominating, last nights tournament he gets it in vs some donk (2nd in chips) who, without using so many words, said "here threeup, take all my chips, please.". Then proceeds to hit runner runner while drawing to 2 outs to double up. Nice way to start a final table. Doom was inevitable.

I, of course, as usual managed to find a way to get it in from the button when the blinds have monsters. What else is new? I mean, do they ever not have aces? God forbid I get called by something I have beat when everyones M is like 4. Sigh.

Though, I should have expected it - everyone was so tight it was scary. Dude sits back and blinds away to 1BB, proceeds to get it in a million times to stay alive, then goes on a massive card rush to win the tournament. Is this the way? Should I ignore all logical tournament strategy? Should I just sit back, wait for aces, hope they don't get cracked and then give up 4 levels of blinds and antes to do it all over again? I don't know how people fold when totally committed with any 2 and then find a top tier the very next hand. I guess I'm not that luc.. I mean good.

If I sound bitter and disappointed, I am. I'm always irritated when I final table and don't win but I'm particularly annoyed that I couldn't squeeze at least a 3rd out of last nights donkfest.

The players were for the most part down right awful. I think the only thing that can surpass the inability of 90% of the field in terms of awfulness is the tournament structure. Unless you gain a massive chiplead, there's only play during the first third. From then on it's a lot of push/fold followed by some more of push/fold, with a middle round of guess what sort of donk he is before choosing to push or fold. All of that is topped off by, you guessed it, no, not push fold...all in or muck. Preflop.

Frankly, if the field wasn't so tight/bad, the tournament would finish an hour sooner. It might finish two hours sooner if it wasn't for all the pathetic stalling taking place. I can see how stalling is so beneficial because maybe just maybe the next hand will be aces and you'll quadruple up because we're all idiots and are going to call you. No, wait, the stalling is beneficial because you'll get an extra 50 points instead of trying to win an extra 300? No, that's not it. How about the stalling is beneficial because you can run the clock and the blinds will increase in fewer hands thus effectively killing the already small edge of a thinking player? That's the one.

Maybe that's the reason Gus Hansen has 4 WPT titles and I have none. Maybe he stalls.

Poker.com Winter Champions Part 2

Halfway point and Jay is in 3rd on the leaderboard while Vox is in 6th and I'm in 15th. Only 3 tournaments to go though they're worth more points then the previous three due to how the scoring system is set up. Hopefully one of us can come through and put up the W.

My Girlfriend is not very smart

I know what you are (or at least ThreeUp is) thinking: she's your girlfriend, of course she's not very smart! Well, touche. You may have a point but until recently I didn't know exactly how not very smart she was.

Recent events have shown me the light.

Sometime ago my mother put a house plant in my kitchen. According to her it is supposed to freshen the air or provide some positive aura or do something or other to my benefit. I don't know, I wasn't paying attention but I did allow the plant to stick around. Now this was a peculiar plant, I never watered it, never looked after it, I didn't even remember its existence. In fact, in all honesty, I think some of my friends may have even used it for a urinal during our famous "Get drunk and shoot anything that moves with paintballs off Jay's balcony" nights. Still, somehow it lived and was of no bother to me.

Fast forward to last week and all of a sudden my house had become infested with dozens of tiny little flies. Now these flies were so bad and so annoying, I was beginning to lose my mind. I would be sitting trying to grind out nudie bar money for the week and these flies would literally be attacking me. They bite, fly in front of my computer screen, try to crawl up my nose and pretty much anything you can think of. I think they cost me several thousands of dollars in tilt and misclicks. It was unbearable. I got so mad that I went on massive fly tilt also known as running around the house with clenched fists, killing anything that moved. Death totals reached the mid 20's or 30's. I don't know, I lost count. I thought I had gotten rid of them - how wrong I was.

The next morning I woke up to even more flies. I called for immediate assistance - an unscheduled maid. She showed up and I scolded her for the piss poor clean up job she had been doing and further threatened to have her deported if this fly situation wasn't remedied immediately. She gave me one of those evil eyes I'm so accustomed to seeing and threw out every single piece of fruit and anything else she could find that could have been a potentially spawned the little critters.

To no avail. In fact, if you can believe it, I think they started to get stronger and faster. I, in all honesty, considered just picking up and moving. Somewhere far far away where there were no flies or insects or any living creature within a sixty mile radius. Unfortunately my love for New York is too strong so I called the exterminator instead. Dude shows up the next day looking like death reincarnated, walks around a little bit and stops in the kitchen. He bends over next to the forgotten plant and says: "what'd you pour in here?"

"Pour?" "In there?" "I didn't even know that thing was still around."

He gives me a slight grin and then motions me over. Upon further inspection, I see a swamp, a swamp full of awfulness. You see apparently my GF, in all her genius, decided to empty the remaining contents of some green tea into the plants soil, thus creating the perfect breeding environment for these little bastards.

He explains that I have two options:

1. Take a vacation and let him spray some vile toxins around the house.
OR
2. Throw the plant out and wait out until all the insurgents die.

What I'd really like to do is throw my GF and this plant off my balcony, but sadly she isn't around so I opt for option two.

I can't even begin to describe the hell I went through and am still going through with these vicious bloodsuckers. I would like nothing more than to torch this place in its entirety with every little fly in it. Too bad my neighbors might not like that idea. So I'll have to take my anger out on the person responsible for all this...no, not me! (Yes, ThreeUp, I know I shouldn't have let her inside the house. Yes I probably should have known that she is retarded. Yes, you are right. No, it's her fault and I refuse to hear otherwise!). HER! It's her fault. I'm not really sure what I should do to her. ThreeUp suggested murder but death would be getting off light. I was thinking more in terms of a severe beating using some sort of heavy handed weapon or scattering her nude photos all over the internet? Maybe both?

I'm not sure what I'll do to her yet. Feel free to leave suggestions via the comments.

No, Threeup. I will not crush her cranium with a small hammer. I heard you get the death penalty for that sort of behavior.

Bluff Magazine owner cannot spell. Coincidence?

I think not.

So at least 5 people have sent me his little rant and it's quite clear the guy has no understanding of politics and is instead just mad at everything and everybody. This isn't 1773 and you're not going to throw a bunch of British Tea into the Boston harbor. Sure maybe a little name calling will help you feel better, relieved, whatever it is - but certainly won't help the situation. Settle down, Eric. Instead of posting half common sense, half inanity on your MySpace page, perhaps you might be better off enrolling in grammar school and reading up on political information and agenda.

What, to me, is sadder than Eric's little rant is how quickly I see people agree with him or take his word for gospel. Believe me, I want the ability to freely play online poker as badly as anyone, but it won't be won through torching Washington or whatever this guy proposes.

One of the keys to poker is being able to adapt to any situation and being able to first place yourself in your opponents position and then use that information to think one step ahead. This applies to life ten fold. Instead of blatantly ranting on about the injustices that you may think are being done, ask yourself why they are being done and then use that information to your benefit.

Understand your opponent.

Poker.com Winter Championships

All 7 championship events will award points that count towards the Poker.com Winter Championship Leaderboard. At the conclusion of the events, an overall champion will be crowned and receive a $12,500 package to represent Poker.com at one of these events: WPT WSOP Aussie Millions or EPT

I think we're all playing it - possibly with the exception of phreezenet our newest contributer. I'd introduce him, but he's so boring I'll let him introduce himself.

Team FCUKMONEY FTW!

Check back regularly for updates on how badly we're playing, bad beat stories, and of course negative variance.

If you don't have a poker.com account, grab one using the link below. Good luck getting money on there, though. Unless I know you, then hit me up on AIM and I'll trade you for Stars.

I Shop At K-Mart

Online poker looks like it's hitting a real rough patch for a while. Mansion Poker said goodbye to the U.S. Market though if you have money on there already they still allow you to play. Click2Pay, one of the few processors left after Neteller founders got arrested and charged with money laundering under RICO, has also withdrawed. The upside is a lot of sites including some majors don't look to be going anywhere so as long as there is a place to play even donks will find a way to get money on. ePassporte is really the only choice at the moment leaving some sites such as Poker.com unintentionally leaving out the U.S. market by not accepting it. The law was proposed and I wasn't too worried until it passed the house, it got signed into law and I still wasn't too worried, PartyPoker left & it was no sweat but once enforcement started coming down on bullshit charges I began to fret and now it's clear why. This law was never meant to be enforced it was suppossed to be a political ploy. We're definetly heading into a dark period for online poker and everything involving it is going to become more difficult but at least we'll always have action. One can only hope this is orchestrated by gaming companies in the U.S. looking to buy the market cheap and then get the law repealed.

In other news my monitor died and my other monitor decided to start showing the same sign as the dead one did several months ago in a small yellow mark showing up in the upper left hand corner. I have the 3-yr warranty on them but now it will still take time and a few bucks to get them fixed and that's even if I don't get shit from Dell which I suspect I might. I have pressure marks on the dead one which doesn't bode well from me which is unfortunate, since I put them on there almost 10 months ago right after I got them because I'm a jackass. Everyone had always suggested the 2001FP from Dell for poker so now we'll find out how well there customer service and warranty really are. If it's good I'll upgrade to a 3007WFP soon.

I also had poker night at my house again last night which netted me a massive $10 in profits after rolling some prop bets and losing it on sports betting & getting the carpet cleaned. Betting drunken assholes they can't drink 3 bottles of beer out of the bottle in 30 seconds is +EV. Also, people can't not eat a teaspoon full of cinnamon so have fun making some money with that It's funny how a lot of the sober people get freaked out about the drunk people getting out of control when they weren't even close to me having to worry about them. Was there 16 year old girls present with an empty bottle of Jagermeister? Yup.

Going to the Borgata tomorrow!

Look out WPT.

Wish me luck, trip report when I get back.

Poker Players Alliance

Many of us are familiar with the PPA (www.pokerplayersalliance.com) their motto being "fighting for the rights of poker players" - I am getting the image this foundation was started by a group of kids who had trouble getting the square peg through the round hole. (it will work but requires alot of extra force). At one point i nearly donated my $25.00 to show support, now i am positive that money would have ended up in the G-string of some Topless performer named "candy" who is only doing whatever she can to pay for her PHD in child psychology.

Today is the first day i have visited their website in months, perhaps hoping for further information regarding the whole neteller hooplah, maybe a glimmer of hope; only to find the same information that has been there since the beginning, their news consists mostly of what pros they have joining this violent battle, and their assurance of "staying the course." I want Howard Lederer to convince me i should drink Canadian Club, I don't want him standing outside the white house for a few hours protesting and concluding "well at least we tried"

I want Wild Bill Hickock with each hand on the butt of his revolvers -
"do you really wanna do this? It doesnt have to be this way"

The first sign should have been when they started with "We want to tax and regulate the online poker industry" that shows weakness. I would have come out screaming, we're not going to stop, so if you want us to kick you a couple bucks here and there, make this as easy as possible on us, or blood will be shed!

Well enough of that for now, Lets get down to what you're all here to read (other than name calling and slander between Jay and his co-conspirators)

Something occurred to me this morning when i attempted to pour my coffee from the carafe into my coffee cup. Some of the coffee ended up in my cup, some on my shoe, and the rest (defying the laws of gravity) up my sleeve... This is not an unusual occurrence, but it did inspire my latest poker related theory... Perhaps variance, EV and all other poker related theory and math is just a way for us truly unlucky people to justify continuing to play poker... All this time thinking that "poker is a lifelong game" and some day the money will correlate with the odds, was a false and ignorant statement... Perhaps luck truly exists and we just refuse to latch on to the belief because we know how unlucky we are and to give in to the "actual" truth, we'd have to come to terms with the fact that people of our disposition should never touch cards, chips or anything of value...

Vox

FAQ me? FAQ You!

Some people have sent me questions like are you really this crazy? Do you realize you suck at poker? What do you look for in a woman? and What's the deal with your blog title and URL? So here some answers:

1. Yes
2. Yes
3. Obedience and top notch culinary skills

4. Well, the title is pretty much self explanatory if you've either A) paid attention to this blog or B) have ever watched me or any of the contributing writers player poker. There is no doubt that the way we play, each and every one of us hates our money with a passion.
The blog URL is a play on one of my T-Shirts that happened to be sitting next to me while I was registering for blogger.


I'd just tried about half a dozen different URL's and they were all taken. Simultaneously, I was multi tabling some 600NL and made some incredibly boneheaded play, like check raising a calling station all in on the turn with air for instance, and then something just clicked...

FCUKMONEY

Hey, at least I'm a snappy dresser! ThreeUp buys all his clothes from Walmart!

No one runs worse than me!

Well, maybe except ThreeUp.

I can't tell you how many times in the last 2 weeks he's spammed my AIM box with the oh so familiar phrase of "Sigh....set into set again". You'd think for someone who gets it in so often in set over set situations, he'd at least come out with the bigger set some of the time, right? Well, he's running incredibly bad now - I mean just ask him!

But kidding aside, the truth is, poker players, myself included, love to whine moan and complain when things don't go our way. Granted, some more than others but I've never met a single poker player who didn't claim to be the unluckiest person alive. Never mind the fact that those of us who log long, tedious days of grinding that $300 an hour don't notice that our play isn't up to par that day or perhaps has deteriorated over the course of several negative variance filled hours? Nah! W're just friggin unlucky! Right? Or maybe we're just incompetent and should hang up the mice, put away the ipods and immediately enroll in dealer school?

Do you know why Phil Ivey is (arguably) the best player in the world? It's not because he never plays badly or never has a losing day or has x-ray vision that allows him to see his opponents cards (not sure about this last one) - it's because the man can play his A game for more consecutive hours than I can count.

Which leads me into the whole reason I decided to write this post...

Gawwdddddddddd, I'm running bad right now!


Oh, and before you go, make sure to head over to The Poker Pub and show my boy Mike some love. He's down under bringing you all the sick beats from the Aussie Millions.

10 buy-ins in a day is standard when you suck

So if you graphed my earning on the year it would look a lot like Black Tuesday if Black Tuesday sent the stock market to the point where shareholders actually owed the companies money. Halfway through the month and I'm hoping to play like a mademan and get even for the month so I can start fresh in February. I may infact be the worst player to ever try to go pro and have managed to be a loser @ stakes ranging from 3/6NL-10/20NL. On the brightside if I break even my rakeback should be enough to give me the rest of the money I need to pay my taxes on winnings in `06 so then I could have played all month to have nothing to show for it =]

Poker isn't nearly as fun when you have to log hours. If you want to do this as a primary source of income be ridiculously overrolled and have living expenses set aside and keep good records. That or just be good at poker. One of the two. I'm not quitting my job just yet but if I bust my roll I guess I can blog all about the exciting adventures as a Duece Bigalow wish-I-was.

2007 is over!

Well not officially, but the seahawks loss feels like the final nail in the coffin... I blame myself, had i not lost coach holgrem's cell number on a Friday night drunken stooper at the bar up the road. I may have lost it when i got distracted asking these twins if they could tell each other apart. Anyway, had I the number I would have called him to sort out the details of an excellent strategy that would have given them the "w" and like usual he'd put me on the speaker phone during half time to give the team a pep talk... Knowing he needed me, and not having the number i resorted to shouting at the television, and using my psychic powers (that only appear during football games)... but to no avail my voice could not be heard. Congratulations Chicago, I take back every compliment i ever gave Ditka, Payton, or The Fridge.

Poker has been equally detrimental to my Psyche. I've decided that there are two kinds of players, ones who take bad beats and ones who give bad beats. Hence I've decided that from now on if all my money's going into the pot, I want to be behind in the hand, that way, when i lose, its my own damn fault. A buddy of mine once said something brilliant that summed up poker in all its majestic glory... I really wish i remember what he had said


Vox

The Contributors and what can be expected

Before I forget, let me introduce the other clearly mentally disturbed people that will be part of this blog:

VoxGibson - Or as he's known around most poker sites, "The worst player in the world". Vox owns a bar and a transmission/transvestite shop or something...the truth is no one really knows what he owns. Vox resides in Alaska and when sober can be found grinding microstakes online. When not so sober, he's usually found half passed out with a mountain of chips at midstake live games. Either way, he sucks.

Threeupthreedown - or as he's known by his stripper name "Diamond". When not selling his body to middle aged women in Michigan, Mr.Diamond can be found playing mid stakes NoLimit Hold'em games and horse tournaments across various online sites. In fact, he's so good that he's been considering turning in the baby oil for a third monitor and going e-pro. Clearly, he's not sane.

Cadderly - The fat Danish. What else can be said? He's fat and he's from Denmark - I think it's rather self explanatory. I think he plays some ancient form of poker...Limit Hold'em or some such none sense.

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What you can expect from this blog:

Most of us use poker for either primary or supplementary income (except Vox, he just buys video games) so the majority of this blog will be about Poker pitfalls and how not to get sucked into the life of professional gambling...so everything poker and gambling related plus some occasionally movie and product reviews.

Maybe we can also get ThreeUp to talk about his life as a woman's wet dream and how he gets home covered with lipstick and bruises.

One can only hope.

It is undeniable - I really do hate money.

I'm not joking.

After suffering my first losing session, I decided to only book winners - and I did, until today that is. After what seemed like an eternity of running bad and playing worse, I decided that I was going to win money anyway. Somehow, against the laws of nature, my plan succeeded. I was winning.

But you see, winning doesn't do it for me. There is no high from winning, after all, a person of such high intelligence, charisma and blatant sex appeal (I'm talking about me here) should do nothing but win, and so I must find alternative methods to amuse myself. I know! I'll lose - that should be fun!

Fast forward execution of the aforementioned and I'm playing 5-10 PL Badugi - a game I have never played...seriously. I have no idea what I'm doing.

End result: -2k

I couldn't be happier.

1st loser of 07.

Great. It's like it was meant to be. I make a post about how badly I tilt and what do you know? I end up tilting the night away.

I'm sitting here sleepy and confused, wondering how in the world I turned a session that was a 3k winner into a loser. Oh, I know how - I'm a jerk with profit margine fantasies. There's nothing more I hate than not meeting my daily money qouta...well except maybe tilting off thousands of dollars, trying to run over people who couldn't fold KJo OOP to save their lives, in hopes of squeezing out an extra 5 bills.

Now if you thought that was stupid, then you'll love this: Why do I decide to stick in 3 buyins preflop on a coin flip when the guy I'm playing is absolutely horrific?

Because I'm sick thats why!

I tilted bad. I ran worse. I booked a losing session.

Welcome to my world. It's not pretty.

Summarizing my poker life

So I'm talking to a friend of mine on MSN today just as he's about to sign off, he comes out with this gem:

FAT DANISH says:
gl on all the tables
FAT DANISH says:
and dont tilt
FAT DANISH:
even though i know its like talking to a brick wall


...the sad part is that he's right.

Can't stop the Jay Tilt Train.

I am going to turn this into an awesome new blog!

With contributers and other superb things!

You just wait and see! Really!