Drunk pokers

I'm such a tard when I get drunks and play teh live pokers. I start check calling flops and turns and check raising the river with any 2 cards. Do you know how often that works in live poker? 0%

Plus I run around like a retard and tell people I will flip them for all the money that's in my pocket...which is usually a couple of G's. I pretty much will flip them for it but they usually back down and there's just something amusing about trash talking poker players backing down from a 6-8k coin flip.

Then I start slurring my words and tell people how good I am at poker and how I play onlinez and will play any of them heads up. They just tell me that I'm a "good player" and decline any heads up shennenigans or stop speaking to me but only after they ask for my stars & fulltilt names.

Then we start penis measuring by name dropping who we know or don't know in the poker world. I tell people I know duduweewee, they tell me they know guys like [insert some inept jackass who got 15 minutes of fame on espn when he won a seat to the main event in his home game and who's name no one even remembers]. Oh, and ivey. They all know ivey. Ivey's their fcuking best friend. They've played with him on X/XX/XXXX (usually it's when he was still living in jersey so it's like 1865). Funny how they remember playing with ivey in some 15-30 stud game 150 years ago and that he wore a red hat and a black shirt and blue jeans. And that he had a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich for breakfast and brushed his teeth starting from the left side first and of course that he is "a good player". Actually, it's not funny...it's tragic.

Of course, not to be out done I start telling people that I used to play in 5-10 games with durrrrrrrrrrrrr way back. See? I'm cool too. "Oh, durrrrrr? Yeah I saw him on HSP. He's a good player". Of course! Then they give me this serious face and what I have dubbed the 'nod of approval'...you know that little up and down head shake as if I'm asking for permission to join their exclsuive ahole club. Little do they know I'm the mfking president of the ahole club!

One day I'm going to run into someone who's good at heads up who will bust me or someone who's good at fighting who will just beat me up once I get outside.

I can't wait.

All this after 2 vodka shots, 2 tequila shots, 1 cognac, 4 or 5 whiskeys and 3 heinikens. My alchohol tolerance has turned into that of a little girls. I blame 3up. He told me I am an alchoholic and I should cut down. So I did. This is what happens. I'm still drunk at 4pm and I just woke up.

Live poker: A life time of memories and -$450 cause I'm too drunk to fold on pair'd boards when it's obvious the guy has me beat. Almost folded. Pretty sure I'd have folded if I was sober but meh... whatever I've done waaaaaaaaay worse.