Okay, so I guess I should update: Just lost 10k

This will not be a surprise to any of you, but I am a complete moron.

Shocker!

Anyway, let's recap:


So, we were in vegas. Yes I know I've already mentioned that and yes I know there's no real trip report but don't blame me, blame dudu.

Moving on.

After coming back from that soulless desert land fill in Nevada, I decided to play normal poker. Aka multitable 6-8 table HU & 6max games on my little 17" laptop because my desktop is donk down. Weeeeeeeeee. It's fun. Not really.

Oh, right, I forgot to mention that somewhere during that first week I celebrated a bunch of birthdays, including my own and July 4th and so on and so on. It was fun. Many young ladies from foriegn countries gave me their phone numbers. They probably really really like my........US PASSPORT. The best part was that half of them can't afford to pay their cell phones or don't know how to... so a lot of good it did me...but we'll get to that in a minute. Dumb strippers.

So I played for the first week of july...starting somewhere around the 7th? Probably played terrible as that seems to be the only way I know how...but since I didn't whine here...I probably won.

Then somewhere mid july the wifi I was stealing from my neighbor started sucking so I decided to get my own. It took a while as the cable company is straight up retarded. So while they took their sweet time installing my new internet, I spent a week calling all my new found green card seeking friends. Hilarious debauchery ensued.

Now for the last few weeks of July I've locked myself in the house for non stop poker shenanigans. I've quit working out, eating, sleeping, kickboxing, and pretty much any life activity other than click click lose pot, click click, yell obscenity, click click slam table, click click you get the picture.

Yeah so apart from tilting like a spew tard monkey, I clocked like 50k in july. Probably shoulda done 70 but I suck and play waaaaay to long which causes me to tilt hardcore like a Neanderthal...and even though I know I have this problem...I still do it! More on this later...

So come August 1...I wake up 3am, because my sleep schedule is so out of balance right now.... so technically it's already Aug2 anyway...i end up playing an insane marathon session from 3am to 9pm. I was up 36? in like the first 5-6 hours...and then the total monkey spew comes because after 10hours of poker I begin to spazz out and so I drop 8? just playing like a complete idiot. So shut down all the cashaments and played a sunday donky.

Final tabled. Obviously mega tired. So with 6 left, I get it in w/ JJ vs KT and lose. Meh....woulda had lots of chippies and good chance to win. That obv makes me hate life and not wanna play anymore. So I just spew off so I can go sleep.

Sleep for 12 hrs and wake up today. Ahh the weather is nice, I'm going to take the day off. I'm tired. I hate poker. I deserve it, right? Wrong. I shower and run to check on the games, hoping that they aren't running and I can leave the house for the first time in forever. Nope. They are...and they are good. Of course I sit...and because I don't want to be there, I monkey spew. This happens every time I don't want to play...I don't know why I bother. Oh yeah, because there are like 4 donks on every 6max table.

Meh, so I drop 5-6 playing very dumb, then win it back playing hu. Even. Games die. Great, leave the house Jay. No. Must watch new episode of Rescue Me...which was quite good. Okay. Watched. Leave now. No, must check games. OMG Games are back and very good. Back to the grind. But I want to leave...so? So I spew off 10k playing some donk HU because I can't make a hand and I just wanna leave and spew spew spew. Call call call.

Then, when i finally win some pots, this dude quits the heads up to play 6max cause hes afraid to play deeper than 100bb while having 5 buyins on the tables. I hope someone hits him in the face with a crobar. I really do. In fact, if one of you wants to do this for me, I will dladly pay you $100.

So to recap: Instead of leaving the house and enjoying a nice sunny day outside, I stay home and donk tilt off 10k. FMYLIFE.


Random stuff:

Condomania sends me a daily e-mail offering a discount on their products, which will expire in 5 days. With every new e-mail they send, the expiration date keeps being pushed back further. Guess, they're dying for business. I blame 1. the economy, 2. that I haven't left my house in 2 weeks.

Okay okay, since you had to read through all that non-sense, I guess I owe you moochers a vegas story:

So Dudu and I are chilling in the venetian pool...just bullshitting about life and having a drink when all of a sudden, out of nowhre, dudu says something along the lines of...

"omg dude, i have to go...it's almost 6 o'clock! I have to meet moose and bullitpete at the rio!"

...in the tone of a 13 year old girl who was about to meet her favorite backstreet boy.

Holy mother of god, this fish is going to head over to the garbage dump known as the rio solely to meet bullitpete. I was speechless. I mean, this is pretty damn non- heterosexual.....even for dudu. Judging by how excited he was you'd think they just offered to buy him 10 lap dances at the rhino...

So we go back up to the room and dudu scurries around like a chicken without a head picking out clothes, fixing his hair...making himself look all pretty. It was like watching a fat girl get ready for the first date she's been waiting to go on her entire life.

I'll let you draw your own conclusions on how their meeting went. I did make dudu pay dearly for leaving his facebook logged in on my laptop...but I'll save that for another post.

I wrote this sporadically, so if this update was incoherent FU be thankful I even bothered. I love all my readers. All 3 of you.

Jay