It's like a never ending comedy/drama everytime I leave the house. I wish I had a camera crew following me around 24/7 to record all the idiotic stuff that I do...I mean that happens around me.
J
P.s. This blog sucks. Maybe depeche will write up our saturday night.
P.p.s According to http://www.humanforsale.com I'm worth a couple mill. Holla!
Monday, March 30, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
I have returneth!
Bask in the glory that is my existence!
What a trip...I met...rednecks of all sorts of shapes and colors. White rednecks, brown rednecks, black rednecks, girl rednecks, more girl rednecks. Even more girl rednecks! Midget rednecks, hillbilly rednecks (uh, what?) Northern rednecks (what?x2)
I met some NYC! chicks! NYC chicks craaaaaaaaave me. Ask depeche. Even in vegas, in a club that is full of local hookers, I find 3rd grade school teachers from NY. In florida, amongst rednecks upon rednecks, I find a pair of Italian chicks from westchester. A blonde and a brunette. The brunette forces herself on the Blondie, then proceeds to have me squeeze both their asses to figure out which one's is firmer. Later she gets drunk and tells me about her boyfriend, the love of her life, then, exactly 30 seconds later, proceeds to suck my face like it was the neck end of a beer bottle. Then I pushed them on stage, too bad they ran off. I'd probably need a whole post to accurately describe what transpired with us and these two. However the best thing about them was I convinced them to do shots with me...so we, the 3 of us, bought a round each. Anyway, they can't drink straight vodka so they begged me to get something softer...I, of course, ignore their pathetic requests and order goose (redneck bars don't have quality vodka, so this was pretty much my only choice unless I wanted to drink camel piss)...they can't drink it...so I end drinking 9 shots for the price of 3. And people say I don't know a good deal when I see one!
My favorite thing has to be when we were cruisin the streets at 3am and found a redneck boy/girl on a bicycle that sang us russian lesbian (Tatu) love songs and offered us some marijuana. I'll save this for a later post.
3up would have died from alcohol poisoning in the first 2 hours.
Depeche would have called us all retarded and flew home early.
dudu would have passed out and slept in the bathtub, trunk, side walk, random puddle of urine, and pretty much anywhere else and I'm sure he would have gotten lost for the duration of the trip only to show up at the airport and ask us where we've been for the last 5 days.
So much funny stuff happened...it was soooo bad that it was really good.
I have to do this more often.
What a trip...I met...rednecks of all sorts of shapes and colors. White rednecks, brown rednecks, black rednecks, girl rednecks, more girl rednecks. Even more girl rednecks! Midget rednecks, hillbilly rednecks (uh, what?) Northern rednecks (what?x2)
I met some NYC! chicks! NYC chicks craaaaaaaaave me. Ask depeche. Even in vegas, in a club that is full of local hookers, I find 3rd grade school teachers from NY. In florida, amongst rednecks upon rednecks, I find a pair of Italian chicks from westchester. A blonde and a brunette. The brunette forces herself on the Blondie, then proceeds to have me squeeze both their asses to figure out which one's is firmer. Later she gets drunk and tells me about her boyfriend, the love of her life, then, exactly 30 seconds later, proceeds to suck my face like it was the neck end of a beer bottle. Then I pushed them on stage, too bad they ran off. I'd probably need a whole post to accurately describe what transpired with us and these two. However the best thing about them was I convinced them to do shots with me...so we, the 3 of us, bought a round each. Anyway, they can't drink straight vodka so they begged me to get something softer...I, of course, ignore their pathetic requests and order goose (redneck bars don't have quality vodka, so this was pretty much my only choice unless I wanted to drink camel piss)...they can't drink it...so I end drinking 9 shots for the price of 3. And people say I don't know a good deal when I see one!
My favorite thing has to be when we were cruisin the streets at 3am and found a redneck boy/girl on a bicycle that sang us russian lesbian (Tatu) love songs and offered us some marijuana. I'll save this for a later post.
3up would have died from alcohol poisoning in the first 2 hours.
Depeche would have called us all retarded and flew home early.
dudu would have passed out and slept in the bathtub, trunk, side walk, random puddle of urine, and pretty much anywhere else and I'm sure he would have gotten lost for the duration of the trip only to show up at the airport and ask us where we've been for the last 5 days.
So much funny stuff happened...it was soooo bad that it was really good.
I have to do this more often.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Jay is a fish
I guess it is time to finally post some shit. Jay is trying to relive the spring break and college experice he never had. I hope it doesnt end with him being bent over buck naked and being paddled by a big fraternity boy!
Maybe this blog will release some of my tensions. Where do I start well.... 3 years ago i was playing 5-10 deep stacked (3k)at the Wynn and beating the game up. Now i am playing 1-2 200 buy in online and sweating flips for $200. That is what having no roll will do for you. I feel my game has lost its edge. Skill level in the toilet, just abc multi tabling nit grinder. The title of this post shoud be cry me a river. After losing top set AAA to a rivered flush and and losing with 77 on a QQ7 flop when the 3rd Q hits the river and counterfeits me. Oh well standard for me. If you dont know my game I can say that i get it in good at least 80% the time.. winning is a different story. Regarding DOO DOO he is a fish passing up spring break to play roller hockey. LOL! DOO DOO it is no crime to be gay, i am sure there will be boys a plenty on the prowl in Daytona who might find your trailer park ass passably attractive...
Peace out.
Maybe this blog will release some of my tensions. Where do I start well.... 3 years ago i was playing 5-10 deep stacked (3k)at the Wynn and beating the game up. Now i am playing 1-2 200 buy in online and sweating flips for $200. That is what having no roll will do for you. I feel my game has lost its edge. Skill level in the toilet, just abc multi tabling nit grinder. The title of this post shoud be cry me a river. After losing top set AAA to a rivered flush and and losing with 77 on a QQ7 flop when the 3rd Q hits the river and counterfeits me. Oh well standard for me. If you dont know my game I can say that i get it in good at least 80% the time.. winning is a different story. Regarding DOO DOO he is a fish passing up spring break to play roller hockey. LOL! DOO DOO it is no crime to be gay, i am sure there will be boys a plenty on the prowl in Daytona who might find your trailer park ass passably attractive...
Peace out.
Note to Jay
Hi Jay, sorry I can not make the trip to Florida but my competitive spirits rose recently and now I am playing sports again. Something you have never done due to the fact you live in New York, where people only bet on sports and yell loudly about them on the streets.
Thank you for wishing me well in my Hockey Tournament! Maybe if you could make fucking plans to do something with more than 72 hours notice I could swing it. Unfortunately you can't so my bottles of Absinthe will be sitting in Oklahoma instead of Florida. I hope your trip is ruined by 5 days of thunderstorms.
I passed 9th grade English. Partly because my teacher (female) had seen me naked....
True story...
Long story but I will spill it for the blog.
When I was in 9th grade there was a girl who always told me I had a tiny dick.... Now I am a stupid 9th grader obv so I get a picture of me standing sideways to the camera with a hard on....
So I send it to her and she views it and sends it to a buddy of mine (who is my current roommate) (I didn't really know him at the time) (he was in my english class in 9th grade) who is real social, talks to everyone has everyones emails etc etc (back when everyone had AOL emails) so he gets the pic from this girl and sends it to his whole mailing list and titles it FWD so people forwarded it, he got a hold of the faculty emails and sent it to every teacher principal etc in my highschool. My highschool had over 1000 kids by the way. So now literally 80% of the highschool has seen my dick.... My English teacher would not look me in the eyes for about 10 days, I had to talk to the principal and I told him "Hey I didn't send this to everyone, and if you want to expell me go ahead, but I mean I dont see how it could be any worse than walking around here every day" (also what I told my parents) So I didn't get punished by the school or my parents. Annnnd I didnt get called a little dick anymore, yay fun story.
Poker news....
I fucking rule.... I am peaking "career wise" I have been disciplined (for the most part) and been running well playing fairly well, have had a few really bad sessions mentally. But for the most part I have been easily clearing 5-7K every week for about 4 months now playing minimal hours for the most part, and including a couple 5-10K blunders....
I bought a couple books to handle my taxes, something Jay throws the middle finger to.
Apparently I need to buy a business license. But I can write off a vehicle that weighs 6000 LBS or more! So Lincoln Navigator here I come some time in the next few months or whenever I am eligable.
I still need to quit smoking.
There are more 100$ bills in Russia than the USA... (US bills)
OUT
Thank you for wishing me well in my Hockey Tournament! Maybe if you could make fucking plans to do something with more than 72 hours notice I could swing it. Unfortunately you can't so my bottles of Absinthe will be sitting in Oklahoma instead of Florida. I hope your trip is ruined by 5 days of thunderstorms.
I passed 9th grade English. Partly because my teacher (female) had seen me naked....
True story...
Long story but I will spill it for the blog.
When I was in 9th grade there was a girl who always told me I had a tiny dick.... Now I am a stupid 9th grader obv so I get a picture of me standing sideways to the camera with a hard on....
So I send it to her and she views it and sends it to a buddy of mine (who is my current roommate) (I didn't really know him at the time) (he was in my english class in 9th grade) who is real social, talks to everyone has everyones emails etc etc (back when everyone had AOL emails) so he gets the pic from this girl and sends it to his whole mailing list and titles it FWD so people forwarded it, he got a hold of the faculty emails and sent it to every teacher principal etc in my highschool. My highschool had over 1000 kids by the way. So now literally 80% of the highschool has seen my dick.... My English teacher would not look me in the eyes for about 10 days, I had to talk to the principal and I told him "Hey I didn't send this to everyone, and if you want to expell me go ahead, but I mean I dont see how it could be any worse than walking around here every day" (also what I told my parents) So I didn't get punished by the school or my parents. Annnnd I didnt get called a little dick anymore, yay fun story.
Poker news....
I fucking rule.... I am peaking "career wise" I have been disciplined (for the most part) and been running well playing fairly well, have had a few really bad sessions mentally. But for the most part I have been easily clearing 5-7K every week for about 4 months now playing minimal hours for the most part, and including a couple 5-10K blunders....
I bought a couple books to handle my taxes, something Jay throws the middle finger to.
Apparently I need to buy a business license. But I can write off a vehicle that weighs 6000 LBS or more! So Lincoln Navigator here I come some time in the next few months or whenever I am eligable.
I still need to quit smoking.
There are more 100$ bills in Russia than the USA... (US bills)
OUT
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Upcoming Debauchery!
I am going to florida for spring break. With my crazy friends. And if I think they're crazy, you know there's something wrong with them.
I will finish part 2 of the previous entry later. Maybe before I leave, maybe after I return. The good part is, there will probably be lots of ridiculously stupid events that can only happen to me to write about. The bad part is, I probably won't share them here.
Random stuff:
-I dropped like 7k playing horrificccccc a few weeks back. I deserved to lose every penny.
-Yeah, I let depeche on the blog. It was a moment of weakness. I was staying at his house last month for a few days and he whined and begged that dudu was posting and not him. I broke his shower so I figured I'd add him and call it even. Don't worry, I doubt he'll be posting much and he can't possibly suck any more than dudu.
-Speaking of dudu, how in the world does anyone, and I mean anyone actually enjoy his blog? Whenever I see anything written by him, I almost want to apologise to our 3 readers. Almost. OooooOooooooooooooooOOOOOOO. I'm retarded! Let's all wish him well in his roller hockey tournament!
-I'm lifting again...need to get some vanity workouts in before beach season (I bet a whole bunch of dutch carbon players are laughing their faces off right about now). I feel like a little girl...my friend is is pushing 100's for chest press and I'm barely eeking out 70's. This is what happens when you play poker...actually I can't even use that excuse anymore...how much poker have I actually played? This is pitiful.
-I parked on a meter and broke the meter because I'm too cheap and or lazy to pay the 25 cents it would cost me to park for a half hour. And I like breaking meters (which, off the top of my head, is like a 4 figure fine and a criminal offense). So anyway I come back and the meter is broken but theres a ticket on my car...so I go off on a huge tirade of swearing...then I open the ticket and it's a ticket for an expired inspection sticker! Oops.
After 8 months of driving around with an expired inspection sticker, they finally got me. In NYC, you need to pass a vehicle safety inspection every year...it's basically a tax for owning a car...so I just refuse to do them on principle. That is, until they ticket me. The ticket is $65 and the inspection costs $37, but then when you get it done (which you would normally have to anyway), you can mail in a copy of your receipt and they dismiss the ticket. I see it as a win/win situation. 8 months is my new personal record.
When I came to the shop to get the inspection, the mechanics (we all know each other pretty well) started yelling amongst each other that I was finally coming in to get it done even before I told them what I wanted. There was a whole bunch of guys in the shop so one the the mechs grabs me and takes me for show and tell on the account of not being ticketed in NYC for something so obvious for 8 months. The entire shop gave me a round of applause. I don't think they were very genuine.
-My friend B recently got himself a blackberry. If you don't know what it is, it's a candy bar type phone with a full keyboard. The problem is, he doesn't know how to lock the keyboard so it doesn't dial accidentally. What ends up happening is he keeps hitting the speed dial key connected with my number and doesn't realize it. This leads to some very amusing conversations of me listening to him yell the absolute worst obscenities I've ever heard in my life at his employees. I kid you not, some of the stuff he says is probably illegal on 5 continents. It would be frightening if it wasn't so funny.
My life is such a joke. I hate you all.
J
P.s. Someone here ought to ask dudu how he passed 9th grade English.
I will finish part 2 of the previous entry later. Maybe before I leave, maybe after I return. The good part is, there will probably be lots of ridiculously stupid events that can only happen to me to write about. The bad part is, I probably won't share them here.
Random stuff:
-I dropped like 7k playing horrificccccc a few weeks back. I deserved to lose every penny.
-Yeah, I let depeche on the blog. It was a moment of weakness. I was staying at his house last month for a few days and he whined and begged that dudu was posting and not him. I broke his shower so I figured I'd add him and call it even. Don't worry, I doubt he'll be posting much and he can't possibly suck any more than dudu.
-Speaking of dudu, how in the world does anyone, and I mean anyone actually enjoy his blog? Whenever I see anything written by him, I almost want to apologise to our 3 readers. Almost. OooooOooooooooooooooOOOOOOO. I'm retarded! Let's all wish him well in his roller hockey tournament!
-I'm lifting again...need to get some vanity workouts in before beach season (I bet a whole bunch of dutch carbon players are laughing their faces off right about now). I feel like a little girl...my friend is is pushing 100's for chest press and I'm barely eeking out 70's. This is what happens when you play poker...actually I can't even use that excuse anymore...how much poker have I actually played? This is pitiful.
-I parked on a meter and broke the meter because I'm too cheap and or lazy to pay the 25 cents it would cost me to park for a half hour. And I like breaking meters (which, off the top of my head, is like a 4 figure fine and a criminal offense). So anyway I come back and the meter is broken but theres a ticket on my car...so I go off on a huge tirade of swearing...then I open the ticket and it's a ticket for an expired inspection sticker! Oops.
After 8 months of driving around with an expired inspection sticker, they finally got me. In NYC, you need to pass a vehicle safety inspection every year...it's basically a tax for owning a car...so I just refuse to do them on principle. That is, until they ticket me. The ticket is $65 and the inspection costs $37, but then when you get it done (which you would normally have to anyway), you can mail in a copy of your receipt and they dismiss the ticket. I see it as a win/win situation. 8 months is my new personal record.
When I came to the shop to get the inspection, the mechanics (we all know each other pretty well) started yelling amongst each other that I was finally coming in to get it done even before I told them what I wanted. There was a whole bunch of guys in the shop so one the the mechs grabs me and takes me for show and tell on the account of not being ticketed in NYC for something so obvious for 8 months. The entire shop gave me a round of applause. I don't think they were very genuine.
-My friend B recently got himself a blackberry. If you don't know what it is, it's a candy bar type phone with a full keyboard. The problem is, he doesn't know how to lock the keyboard so it doesn't dial accidentally. What ends up happening is he keeps hitting the speed dial key connected with my number and doesn't realize it. This leads to some very amusing conversations of me listening to him yell the absolute worst obscenities I've ever heard in my life at his employees. I kid you not, some of the stuff he says is probably illegal on 5 continents. It would be frightening if it wasn't so funny.
My life is such a joke. I hate you all.
J
P.s. Someone here ought to ask dudu how he passed 9th grade English.
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