I have returneth!

Bask in the glory that is my existence!

What a trip...I met...rednecks of all sorts of shapes and colors. White rednecks, brown rednecks, black rednecks, girl rednecks, more girl rednecks. Even more girl rednecks! Midget rednecks, hillbilly rednecks (uh, what?) Northern rednecks (what?x2)

I met some NYC! chicks! NYC chicks craaaaaaaaave me. Ask depeche. Even in vegas, in a club that is full of local hookers, I find 3rd grade school teachers from NY. In florida, amongst rednecks upon rednecks, I find a pair of Italian chicks from westchester. A blonde and a brunette. The brunette forces herself on the Blondie, then proceeds to have me squeeze both their asses to figure out which one's is firmer. Later she gets drunk and tells me about her boyfriend, the love of her life, then, exactly 30 seconds later, proceeds to suck my face like it was the neck end of a beer bottle. Then I pushed them on stage, too bad they ran off. I'd probably need a whole post to accurately describe what transpired with us and these two. However the best thing about them was I convinced them to do shots with me...so we, the 3 of us, bought a round each. Anyway, they can't drink straight vodka so they begged me to get something softer...I, of course, ignore their pathetic requests and order goose (redneck bars don't have quality vodka, so this was pretty much my only choice unless I wanted to drink camel piss)...they can't drink it...so I end drinking 9 shots for the price of 3. And people say I don't know a good deal when I see one!

My favorite thing has to be when we were cruisin the streets at 3am and found a redneck boy/girl on a bicycle that sang us russian lesbian (Tatu) love songs and offered us some marijuana. I'll save this for a later post.

3up would have died from alcohol poisoning in the first 2 hours.
Depeche would have called us all retarded and flew home early.
dudu would have passed out and slept in the bathtub, trunk, side walk, random puddle of urine, and pretty much anywhere else and I'm sure he would have gotten lost for the duration of the trip only to show up at the airport and ask us where we've been for the last 5 days.


So much funny stuff happened...it was soooo bad that it was really good.

I have to do this more often.