Ok, Big Update

Ok so I have been winning at poker, been doing very well (except at 10-20 on PDC, I swear it is my doom level, I probably play bad at it, but I run rancid there too) I am stuck like 70k at 10-20 with my all in EV being set at -18k

I have been taking pain killers since June which then was for a tooth I had, and the tooth gets bad every now and then so I do need the pain killers, but I got hung up into Oxycontins. This was bad, they are like 20-25$ a pill for 30mg and I was eating like 4-5 a day for a couple months.

Given I won a ton of money, but now I am physically dependent upon these pills. It is a psychological addiction too which makes it worse, but I am 100% sure I am not under the psychological stuff. Basically when I don't have these pills my body hurts, I can not get comfortable, I get hot then cold, I can't sleep, sometimes diahrea, its basically like having a bad cold/soft flu with major body aches.

So I am weening myself off these cold turkey now. And it sucks, I can barely play poker right now. Sitting at a desk is just unbearable, so I figure this will be a couple week thing. Except for I have nothing to do so I will probably play and play poorly. I think I found some "methadone" like stuff (what these clinics give you to come off of OC/Heroin) but I will never go to a clinic. Fuck rehab.

So also the other day I played poker coked out (yes, this is just one giant drug post isn't it?) Let me just say for the record, before June this year I had done zero drugs (with exception of getting too drunk and agreeing to smoke pot like 3 times maybe) in like 3 years or longer. I have long since been addicted to marijuana (obv not physical dependence but this is where I started and smoking was a religion, as it probably is with tons of people around the age I was) then Meth, I was stuck on meth for over a year, and was the hardest stuff to kick. Literally couldn't find the energy to stay awake for more than 6 hours a day for a month when I quit. Then coke, this was not hard to quit as it was so expensive it was just force quit, but that run lasted probably a year or so and was the beginning of my poker like 5 years ago. Then ecstacy, this lasted proabbly 3 years of rolling at some points every day then every weekend night (thurs-sat maybe sunday) then tapered off and I got bored of it, obviously no addictions here just loved doing it and I am a degen at everything I do. Then alcohol! People that get addicted to alcohol are tough son of a bitches. I don't know how you could drink so so much that your body gets dependent on it, but you see cases of it sometimes on tv.

So basically in June, I started back up in a mini drug phase. With the pills, the Coke was a fluke, it was just at my house when I got back from my trip, I didn't buy it but I had a gram or so to myself (when I got this baggy I thought there was like 3 lines in it, it had been like 4 or 5 years since I had done coke and I forgot how much was what when it was in a bag) Well, I did prob 5 or 6 lines and this bag was not going down. So I literally smoke Parliament cigarettes (if you have never seen one, they have a recessed filter that was made for cocaine back in the 80s or late 70s) so I was just plugging the butt end full and I had coke for probably 10 hours or so. Such nasty stuff. Just smells like chemical when you snort it, then burns your throat unnaturally it seems.

Back to the mini drug phase that started in June. Previous to this "era" I had been breaking even/losing at poker. When I won the HPT event last year, I had a good month following, then I hit a brick wall. I lost like 40k to Jerry running bad, I lost like another 40 spread out. I went to Australia and drank my way to a near 50k loss. I came back and lost another 40-50 to another player who EVERYONE beat the bajeebas out of but me, I lost like 44k to him at 5-10 PLO, I tilted and ran awful obviously. I lost another 60-80 in the following 2 months. So I go on this slide of like 150-175k all in all in 6 months. I will give you my online tracking for each month.

November of 09 - I lost 41k and average losing 750 an hour.
December 09 - I lost 5k at -100 an hour
January 10 - I won 193$ 325 hands but I was in australia and lost like 15-20 playing from hotel thats not in my HEM (also need to tack this on to my Australia losses, I guess that trip was 60-65 in losses)
February 10- I made 11k at 400 an hour, barely played.
March I made 24k at 520 an hour, barely played
April I lost 23k at -220 an hour, played over 100 hours!
May I won 17k at 450 an hour.

June I was gone a lot but the tail end when I got back from the series, I was taking pain killers so check this out.

June, played for like 7 days - made 13k at 400 an hour
July made 25k at 225 an hour
August made 40k at 300 an hour
September made 38k at 400 an hour
October, I have barely played but have made 13k and tilted a bit.

Now, also to consider I was losing money on FTP and PS pre June, and since I have made like 60k on PS, I have made 50k on the everleaf network. Also have been playing better live.

Literally was not making any money all in all pre pills and I am up around 200k since taking them in a matter of 4 months or so.

So now I am trying to come off of them and see if I can continue playing half decent. I have still tilted off a lot of money on the pills, but I can play such long hours due to being comfortable at the desk. I am playing literally 2.5-3x as much each month. I am playing better, even though I am still one of the worst tilt monkeys at the stakes I play. I really do think I tilt worse than anyone I have ever seen at 5-10 or bigger stakes. I open ship hands when I am on tilt, not good hands either. I will 4 or 5b get it in with any 2, sometimes even call off to 4 or 5b ships with any 2 that I am getting crazy with. It is awful, I should probably find a psychiatrist for this?

So, I was playing about a week ago, at 10-20 and I go on tilt, and I lose like 10-12k in about 30 minutes, I played a couple hands bad, got unlucky in a couple, and tilted in some. So I get pissed off. I am online and I have one friend who lives near me (but doesn't play poker) who gets on aim and talks to me a bit, I send him a message saying "I feel like driving to one of the 4 corners of the US you wanna go?) (this would be a virtually free trip for him, I said I would pay for gas and hotels, and I ended up buying a couple bomb dinners) So he said yes, and within 1 hour I was headed to Maine.

This is how bad my tilt is. This was the day I snapped though. 3500 miles I drove in 6 days. Was kind of nice actually, except for smoking a cig every 40 minutes while being in the car. I met up with THE moose4life and went to Atlantic City with him, where I owned him in a 6bet pot with J3o (he like 6b jammed PF with KK and I SNAP off 1k at 1-2, like I SNAP call so fast when he jams and insta table my cards aggressively as if I had the nuts, then board runs 9 8 3 J X and I virtually have the nuts. But I was still stuck like 3k at the 1-2 table I was literally jamming every hand for an hour or so for 100$ per push and I would win a few thne lose it all back trying to 3barrell or jamming if I had 200 or less.

Then I went to Maine, and I want to go back, it was sick. I think the town was one of the coolest places I have ever been (Portland Maine) and I will go back one day. The nightlife seemed really cool even though there was nothing majorly big. There were several good looking women.

Then drove to Niagara Falls, it was tight, the Falls were, but Canadians turned that area into a fucking carnival otherwise. Spookhouses, arcades, dumb... dumb... dumb...

Then headed home, had covered 3540 miles in 6 days and 7 hours. Touched 14 states and Canada.

Now, all I have to do is drive to the north west when I am on tilt. Cover South Dakota, North Dakota, Montana, Wyoming, Oregon, Washington and Idaho, and I have been in a car in the lower 48, and Hawaii and I will hit Alaska one day, but I won't be driving there.

Thats all I have! I share with you my drug problems and poker problems! What do I do? Keep eating pills or go sober! Coming down is hard, and I got a text during this to get some loritabs (softer pain killer) these will help me come down and I have quit loritabs before with no problem, but these OCs are the devil and I urge anyone who reads this to never touch them. 2 months and I literally hurt when I don't have them... I would hate to have been doing these for a year or longer then tried to quit.


As always, will try to post more often! But I won't!