10K+ freeroll

Easter, family, beer..lots of it, no food...all day
Why not go to the bar after...
4 Vics, sure
Why not spin the tires out of the parking lot at 11pm
Still no food...it's sitting in the Jack in the Box bag on the passenger seat
Ah Fuck FUck FUCk FUCK FUCK YOU STUPID FUCKING FUCK FUCK
"Any reason you're spinning your tires?"
Best excuse I can mumble, "Got new kicks on" shrugs shoulders and lifts hands palms up
"You been drinking tonight sir?"
"Yup"
"How many have you had?"
"Three" (lesson 8 in physics for dopeheads tells you to never say, "two")
"Pheeewwww, I can smell it"
"Hang out here. I'll be back in a minute."
Mind's racing, thinking of turning the keys and flooring it, remembered I'm in a 4 cylinder, FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Gathered myself as more cops arrive. Proceed through the interview decently. The catch may have been when asked my level of education. That and he didn't bust out the breathalyzer. I was off by one second on the tilt your head back count to 30 seconds act. I was able to count to 4 before I had to put my foot down, but binked the other 26 seconds flawlessly. TBH I musta been possessed by my spirit guide or something because there's no rationale for passing the tests given my conditions.
In Cali I think the going rate is around 10-12k in fees associated with DUI, so I basically just won.

Best luck I've had in years.